The Fanatical Fan

Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend, Final Round

This is the final round in a series where I decide who will be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.

Just in case you were wondering, Nathan Gerbe and I are now facebook friends.  I know you’re all jealous.

Goose and Crunchy.  Crunchy and Goose.  Both wonderful players, wonderful people.  How the hell am I supposed to choose?

I was going to make a pro/con list for them, but I don’t really feel like a pro/con list, so I think I’ll just talk about them or something.  You can see I put a lot of thought and effort into it.

Let’s see.  They’re both charitable.  Crunchy has the Steadfast Foundation and visits kids in Roswell, which is so great.  Goose has the Green Team, which I am a member of, and is fighting childhood obesity and is trying to get kids to read.  I LOVE reading, Goose!  They’re both American, so I won’t have to worry about visa issues in the future.  Major props to Paul for having his middle name listed on his Wikipedia page (it’s Michael.  Isn’t that so cute?  Paul Michael Gaustad!), but I couldn’t tell you what Ryan Miller’s is.  Paul was born in Fargo.  That’s pretty sweet.  Ryan hails from East Lansing, Michigan.  We all know how he went to Michigan State (where my cousin went, and even met her husband), and won the Hobey Baker, which is awesome.  He comes from a major hockey family, whereas Paul Gaustad had no business making it in the NHL but is now a key part on our team.  It’s pretty safe to say they’re both cultured, since they took a trip together to Europe this summer.  Ryan Miller has The Refinery, a clothing story (I died laughing when I first heard about it), a somewhat questionable taste in clothes, and an annual fashion show (if it wasn’t for the 21 age cutoff, I would have gone this year, so I’m a little pissed about that.  I need to get me a fake ID for next year).  On the rare occasions when he isn’t giving his death glare, it even seems like he may have a good sense of humor!  Paul Gaustad is…well…Paul Gaustad.  Isn’t much else I can say about that.

I know that Ryan Miller has a girlfriend in Chicago, but since I was wondering about Paul’s relationship status, I went to the place where I go for all my hockey player gossip needs, Talk-Sports.net.  Apparently he was in a relationship for 5 or 6 years, but they broke up because of some sort of commitment issues.  I was going to look for more details but I saw that Ovie’s had been updated recently, so I had to hurry on over to there.  I love the picture on the top, of him and the ice cream.  I also can’t decide if I should look up that music video later on when it’s done.  Is that something I really want to see?

By now I’ve determined that both Paul and Ryan are pure of heart and that while Ryan is supposedly in a relationship with someone in Chicago (in his blog post where he mentioned that and then said how Chicago is his favorite place in the summer, I went into full-on freakout mode.  I was so afraid he would sign with the Blackhawks instead), Paul is single.  We also know that they both love Wegman’s, because people see him in the prepared food section all the time, and I actually cut out a quote from the paper last fall where Ryan said how people were coming up to him in Wegman’s and telling him that it would be okay.  It’s on The Wall right next to the quote of Ovie talking about wanting to win the Stanley Cup.  

Their playing skills:  For two years Crunchy was ridiculously badass, and then he started sucking this year.  I really don’t know how he’ll be this year, but I’m hoping that when he says he won’t get as tired out, he means it.  Goose just kind of rocks.  He’s a big guy who’s important on the Power Play.  I can’t remember any recent times when he sucked. 

While I do base most of my reasons for loving hockey players on who the are on the inside or on the ice (hence my love for Alexander Ovechkin), their looks do come into play.  Let’s take a look at last year’s headshots, shall we?

*sigh* Oh, Crunchy.  I’m not quite sure what to say.  When you’re wearing a hat, you’re actually pretty damn hot.  And when Chris Simpson interviewed you at the Rangers/Penguins game during the playoffs last year, you looked downright sexy.  But this picture doesn’t really catch you from your best angle.  First of all, how many times do I have to tell you that combing your hair back is NOT how you should be wearing it?  I’m sick of reminding you that when you comb your manbangs down over your forehead, you actually look great.  Then there’s the whole issue of your wonky brow.  I personally think it’s adorable, and my 86 year-old grandma, who is crazy in love with you, thinks your just all around ridiculously hot, but others, like my mother, think it’s the most hideous thing since the Phantom took off his mask.  And while this picture may not show it, we all know just how skinny you are, and I think even I would feel majorly obese next to you.  I do appreciate how you always smile, though.

I could look at pictures of Paul Gaustad all day long.

😀

It may seem at this point like Paul Gaustad is the obvious choice.  He’s hotter, he’s eco-friendly, and he doesn’t make me tear my hair out during hockey games.  Sure Ryan Miller has a DELCICIOUS ice cream, and a bobblehead, but Little Ryan does not have a very good track record here.  Paul Gaustad clearly has what it takes to be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.

There’s only one thing standing in the way of me choosing him, and that’s my history with Ryan Miller.  Sure, now I’m crazy obsessed with Alex Ovechkin, and I LOVE Patrick Kane, and Sidney Crosby makes me laugh, but all this crazy-obsessive love stems back to Ryan Miller.  He was the first player I was ever crazy obsessed with, and he’s the first player I ever truly loved.  He was the player I would gush over when we were talking about hockey, and a Miller t-shirt is the first player shirt I ever bought.  Sure, NOW it seems like it should be Paul Gaustad, but a year ago?  Ryan Miller, all the way. 

Since I’m taking this way too seriously, I need to think things over (and start reading Shakespeare.  I’m way behind).  Tomorrow I’ll name Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.