The Hotties and Notties of the NHL, Part 2

July 18, 2008 at 5:19 pm | Posted in Brian Campbell, Chris Drury, Daniel Alfredsson, Daniel Briere, Drew Stafford, Jordan Staal, Mats Sundin, Maxim Afinogenov, Mike Comrie, Ray Emery, Sean Avery, Sidney Crosby, Thomas Vanek, Tim Connolly, Toni Lydman, Zdeno Chara | 2 Comments

Several days ago, we took a look at the 20 hottest players in the NHL.  Today, we will be focusing on the 20 ugliest guys in the league.

The Notties (In no particular order)

Max Afinogenov, Buffalo Sabres.     Sucking is not hot, Max.  Neither is working for the Russian Mafia.

 

 

Mike Modano, Dallas Stars.  Basically, this is just leftover from the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals.  I actually do kinda like him for looking like Jon Heder’s clone.  And that chipmunk face he made in that Stanley Cup Playoffs promo.

 

Thomas Vanek, Buffalo Sabres.  $50 million is not attractive.  Especially not for the “Vanek Attack.”  It’s also not that attractive admitting on television that when you aren’t playing hockey, you are playing X-box.

 

Brett Hull, Dallas Stars.   YOU SUCK!!!!

 

 

 

Drew Stafford, Buffalo Sabres.  In keeping with my whole, “Jacob is better than Edward” thing, I just have this to say: Drinking the blood of virgins is not attractive, Staffy.  I’m sorry.

 

 

Zdeno Chara, Boston Bruins.  Basically, Zdeno, I’m just scared of what you’ll do to poor, short little Nathan Gerbe next year.  That’s all.

 

 

Mats Sundin, Current Team Unknown.  Okay, Mats.  Either sign that 2 year, $20 million offer in Vancouver so that after an October game we never have to see your overrated ass again, or go to back to Sweden and never bother us again.

 

Dominik Hasek, Detroit Red Wings.

I refused to believe that he’s really retiring, in light of all this Brett Favre drama.  But don’t think I don’t know what you did to get out of Buffalo, Dominik.  Don’t think for a second that we all don’t know.

Daniel Briere, Philadelphia Flyers.  There is nothing hot about a greasy whore.  There isn’t anything hot about spearing a totally innocent guy in the balls, either.

 

Daniel Alfredsson, Ottawa Senators.  We know that your team was sucking majorly, Alfie, but that’s no excuse for firing a puck at Scott Niedermayer’s face.  Getting swept in the first round by a bunch of underaged boys isn’t all that attractive, either.

 

Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks.  There is nothing hot about greed, Soupy.  There isn’t anything hot about your hair with your new ‘hawks jersey either.  I hope you freeze at the Winter Classic this year.

 

 

Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins.  Okay, I am fully aware that I am going to be attacked by a herd of angry Crosby fangirls.  (And angry fanboys)  And please understand, it’s not that I don’t like him.  I do like him.  Actually, I feel really bad for the kid.  He has no friends.  
He has no idea how to do an interview without getting an assistant coach somewhere fired.  I would totally be Sidney’s friend.  I really would.  

All that said, I have to tell you, Sid.  If you have any hope of getting off the Nottie list and onto the Hottie one, you need to stop admitting that Mario talks to you about having safe sex with girls.  Very uncool.

Toni Lydman, Buffalo Sabres.   Just…..no.

 

 

 

Jeff Finger, Toronto Maple Leafs.  

Who are you????

 

 

Tim Connolly, Buffalo Sabres.  I’m really sorry, Timmy.  I do like you, I really do.  It’s just…you’re too, well, fragile for my taste.  Sorry about all this.

 

 

Mike Comrie, New York Islanders.  I am well aware that he is dating Hilary Duff.  I had to wade through a whole mess of pictures of them kissing just to find this one.  But sleeping with your ex-teammate’s wife is not hot.  Infidelity gets you on the Nottie list, Mike.  

 

Jordan Staal, Pittsburgh Penguins.  It’s his mugshot.  Need I say more?

 

 

 

Chris Drury, New York Rangers.  A picture’s worth a thousand words.  Chris Drury, however, is not.

 

 


Sean Avery, Dallas Stars.  I don’t care if Marty Brodeur is fat, and I don’t care if he slept with his wife’s sister-in-law.  He is still a totally badass goalie, and therefore Sean should not be waving his stick like an idiot in front of his face.  No wonder Elisha Cuthbert dumped him.

Ray Emery, Russian League.  I know that he technically no longer plays in the NHL, but I figured for him I could make an exception.  He does drugs, fights with his teammates, and had a convicted rapist on his mask.  N-O-T-T-I-E!

 

 

 

And that about sums it up!  I was really surprised with some of the people who ended up on this list; I guess some guys were just so ugly I blocked out their names.

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