School is interfering with everything. It’s so lame. No one wants diagrams of the hearts distracting them from Jason Pominville getting a hattrick. (And bless him for that, what a good little boy!)
I was pleasantly surprised by the Sabres game Thursday night. It was fun. They scored lots of goals. Until he forgot that this is the 2009-10 season, Ryan was pretty darn good. That one save on Vinny was wonderful.
I still have no faith in the Sabres to win tonight. It’s a trust thing. I started trusting them, they stabbed me in the back, and now I simply can’t trust them. Plus I would think Lalime would have to start either tonight or tomorrow afternoon, and we all know how well those games go.
The Caps lost in overtime because I complimented Fat Mike (the hockey player formerly known as Michael) earlier in the day and he got rather overconfident and proceeded to make bad decisions near the end of the game. Eric Fehr, however, continues to be totally awesome. I wuv him. He’s so good this year. I’m especially fond of him playing with Flash. There was just something about the two of them back when the Caps were here earlier in March.
I’m worried about Varly. I’m sorry. I can’t help it.
In a recent episode of Caps Red Line I was watching the other day while procrastinating, Lars Nicklas revealed to us that he likes to talk a lot on the plane. I feel like he’s the hyperactive little kid on the team who gets all wound up on sugar and starts bouncing off the walls until Uncle Mike Knuble takes him over to the corner and makes him calm down. It’s a really amusing mental picture.
Lars Nicklas Backstrom is SO GOOD and I don’t know why he hasn’t been re-signed yet.
Yesterday was Mama Ovechkin’s birthday. We’re a big fan of her over here, so happy birthday Mama O!!
Woo!! Yay!! Hurray!! I know it’s been said in several other players, but dude, are the Sabres ever going to lose again? They’re so awesome and lovable and good right now. Sabres, you guys are the bestest.
The first two and a half minutes of the game last night were the best, especially since I was sitting a few rows behind the net where the first three goals were scored. It was pretty cool. Goosie makes the best faces.
I have a confession: When Vinny scored I looked over at a couple friends sitting a few sections over and we all made little hearts with our hands. Yeah, we went there.
Jochen Hecht looked rather zippy. I guess wanting to make the Olympics is really good motivation to play the best hockey you possibly can…Mike Green.
Sometimes low-scoring games can be fun if they’re fast and exciting, but when I’m actually at the game, I judge the awesomeness by how many times I get to stand up and cheer for a goal. I stood up five times last night, therefore it was a pretty awesome game.
The Sabres have won every game I’ve gone to this year except the preseason game. This is much better than last year and the year before that.
My jersey thoroughly enjoyed its first meeting with HSBC Arena. It hopes to become better acquainted with the arena, but understands that twice a year my other jersey gets to head on over for the game.
Just watch this. What a doofus. I love them all. Except maybe Mike Green. Um, Michael, what were you doing with your legs when you were sitting down there?
I also finally watched that NHL Network special on Alex’s goals. Guys, that’s pretty much why I fell in love with him. He is RATHER good at hockey, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed.
I hope the Sabres blow out the Leafs tomorrow night. That would be fun. I would also appreciate it if the Caps actually win the second game in a row tonight, since losing three straight is enough losses for now, thanks very much.
Let’s not talk about last night’s Sabres game. It won’t do us any good. Sure, we could debate Cari’s theory that the NHL should copy AT&T and allow rollover goals, but that will just make us remember how craptastically bad the Sabres looked last night (um, Chris Butler? You’re fired). I have a few other discussion points we could try:
- Woo! Exams OVER!!! Yay!!!!!!! Done studying!!!!!!! Weeeee!!!!!!!
- Oh shit. Does Kashmir have petroleum? Does France have nuclear weapons?!
- There are those cookies I made (yes, Alex, the ones that were SUPPOSED to be for you). And then there’s all that cookie dough I ate…how is it that I can eat half the dough and still get a ton of huge cookies that resemble the matzoh balls the time we let my seven year-old cousin make them? They all have six-inch diameters and look like they’ve been sent from Outer Space to spy on us.
- Henrik Zetterberg signed some crazy long-ass contract and will now be in Detroit until Armageddon. Jake! I wanted you to play for the Sabres!!!
- I have this weird mental condition where I just assume Darcy Regier will sign all the players I want to come play for us. (See: Zetterberg, Henrik and Ovechkin, Alex)
- Why do I get hit eight kajillion times a day by people searching “vincent lecavalier”? Do I ever even talk about him?
- How come Patrick Lalime doesn’t play anymore? I get that he’s not very good and Lindy doesn’t trust him, but part of why he’s unreliable is because he never gets to play. Last night’s game was a lost cause. They should have put him in.
- Apparently players text each other before games to set up fights. I have two things to say about that: 1. That’s kind of cute but completley stupid. What happened to fights that just happen in the heat of the moment? and 2. That must be why Petey doesn’t fight anymore. His texting thumb was bit! (He also might not fight because he doesn’t play anymore, but let’s just leave that alone.)
- I’m pretty sure I’m going to the Pirates game on February 10. I’m kind of excited for this.
- Okay, I know I said we shouldn’t talk about the Sabres, but you know what? THE SABRES WERE REALLY BAD LAST NIGHT. EW. There are LOTS of players who should be blamed, but I’m singling out Chris Butler merely because I want to. Dude, you SUCKED last night. Good Lord. Pull yourself together, man.
- This is actually from two nights ago, but Drew Stafford and the pigeon? Adorable.
Hell yeah! This is more like it! Not only does it mean that hockey is almost here, it also makes me realize that the Sabres aren’t totally screwed! Note to Royzie and Vanek: You guys rock. Just keep doing what you do best, and Vanek, leave the fighting and toughness to guys who know how to do it. (But no, this does not mean I’ll put you back in the FSB competition. You betrayed me, and I don’t forget betrayal.)
Oh, Patty. I love you so much. This is hard for me. You bring an element of toughness that this team needs, and your first NHL fight was against my favorite pain-in-the-ass-spleen, Sean Avery. You’re adorable, you went to St. Franny’s (and therefore should be my enemy, but how could I hate you?), you’re a B-lo boy, Adam Mair takes care of you, it’s all wonderful! (Actually, here at TFF Headquarters we want to see a Youtube video of you and Adam talking about how he watches over you, a la Andrew Peters and Derek Roy)
That being said, I have two reasons why you can not be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend:
(1) You are still involved with Rochester Portland, and it’s hard to tell people that your Sabres Boyfriend is chillin’ up in Portland. Whenever you come hang with the Sabres, I always tell people you are my favorite Sabre (I think you and Crunchy were tied last year for being Frostee’s One Night Stand the most. Thomas Vanek was a close second, during the second half of the season). I’m just not sure how a long-distance relationship would work.
(2) Whenever I google image search you, this picture comes up. (And leads back to here, apparently.) Thing is, that picture makes me like Evgeni Malkin less and less, and, of course, there’s the whole issue of me going temporarily blind every time I see it. Put that thing away, Evgeni. There are children on the internet.
Since I finally finished Native Son last night, I decided to reward myself with starting this up. There are many players in the NHL, some hotter than others. Today, we’ll be taking a look at the 20 hottest players, or Hotties, and tomorrow (or whenever I get to it) we will be examining the Notties.
The Hotties (in no particular order)
Brooks Laich, Washington Capitals. You know he’s a Hottie when my mom wanders in during a playoff game intermission interview and goes, “Oh, who’s that? He’s pretty hot.” Not only is he a Hottie, he knows it. Why else would his teammates vote him the biggest ladies’ man?
Henrik Zetterberg, Detroit Red Wings. He’s Swedish. He’s a hell of a hockey player, and he won the Conn Smythe this year! I may have been rooting for Pittsburgh, but I still didn’t mind when Henrik decided to score a goal.
Paul Gaustad, Buffalo Sabres. Goose isn’t just some average-joe, superficial Hottie. Saving the environment and convincing kids to read is hot. Keep up the good work Goose, and please feel free to make a few more PSAs next year.
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks. Let me make myself clear. I am not putting him on here because he’s a Buffalo boy. He is most certainly Hottie material, especially now that his acne cleared up. Innocence can be hot, especially when a kid has no problem going on television and talking about how he tapes his stick.
Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins. He’s really not that bad to look at, now that he ditched those obnoxious yellow pads. Listen to him talk for five minutes, and I guarantee you will consider him a Hottie.
Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals. You can complain and bitch all you want about how Ovechkin is an ugly fuck and how he’s a geeky emo loser and all that shit. He’s a Hottie, and deep down you know it. If it isn’t his killer eyes, then it’s his sense of humor and easy laugh. And the way he puts up with Mike Milbury’s shit.
Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins. Let me make this quite clear: I do not like the Penguins. I like Fleury’s accent, and that their mascot can’t walk on ice without falling, and that’s about it. However, Hottie list isn’t discriminatory, and therefore Geno makes the cut. I was a little bit discouraged, however, when I saw how much he likes pda, and I became downright concerned when i saw this. Making out with drunk, underaged teammates is not cool, Evgeni. Not cool at all. Watch yourself.
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks. (I really seem to like the Russians, huh?) I don’t know. He’s just adorable. And he looks a lot like Benjamin Mckenzie.
Rick DiPietro, New York Islanders. His hips suck, and he needs to watch his mouth when he’s mic’d up on television, but while he might not be easy on the ears, he’s definitely easy on the eyes. Keep it up, Pretty Ricky!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens. He’s adorable, and so sweet and young and innocent. I was rooting for him in the playoffs, and it was kinda sad to see the poor kid collapse under the pressure. I’m sure that with time, he’ll be a great, Hottie goaltender.
Jason Spezza, Ottawa Senators. Jason, I hate you. I hate you for playing for the Senators. I hate you for having that lopsided grin and that cute face. I hate you for saying that you would pose for Playgirl for free. I hate you.
Cruncy Miller, Buffalo Sabres. Crunchy Miller is not a Hottie. His eyebrows are uneven, and it has actually started to bug me. But his blog is hilarious, his analytical interviews are always enjoyable, and his sense of style questionable.
Andrew Peters, Buffalo Sabres. Petey isn’t really a Hottie on the outside, but a great sense of humor is quite hot. So is a questionable sexuality. Carry on, Petey.
Nathan Gerbe, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. Forget that he was a runner-up for the Hobey Baker, that his team won the Frozen Four and his was the MVP, and led everyone in scoring (too lazy to fact-check). He’s short. And his sings Rascal Flatts in the locker room. Hottie!!
Patrick Kaleta, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. He’s a homeboy! (But we are ignoring the fact that he played at St. Francis) Being a Buffalo fan, I love his hard-hitting style. The coaches had to tell him to take it down a notch during the prospect camp! He lives at home. His first NHL goal was overshadowed by Richard Zednik nearly being beheaded. Patrick Kaleta, you are a Hottie.
Mike Green, Washington Capitals. Last, but certainly not least, Mike Green shows off his Hottie stuff by getting playoff mohawks and leading defensemen in goals. And, of course, teddy bears are hot.
Now that I know at least one person will be reading my blog (thanks a billion Corinne! I promise to read any blog you throw my way!), I feel like blogging a bit more. Since we are, after all, fourteen days into the free agency period, I thought I’d take a minute to discuss all the good, bad, and confusing of the offseason thus far.
- The Sabres resigned Paul Gaustad. This is good for several reasons. First of all, he’s great on the faceoffs. His winning percentage is pretty rad. Second, as a dedicated member of the Green Team, I’m happy to know someone so committed to saving the environment is sticking around. Also, I wouldn’t mind if he shoots a few more PSAs for next season. He’s good friends with Ryan Miller, which should hopefully be a plus as Ryan contemplates whether or not he wants to make a commitment to the Blue and Gold. And, of course, The Goose is hot.
- The Capitals went on a signing spree, locking down Mike “Mohawk” Green for 4 years, Brooks “Ladies’ Man” Laich for 3, and Sergei Fedorov for 1. Now, I only just became a Capitals diehard around March, but I still got excited when I saw these. Greenie led all defensemen in scoring, so he can’t be that bad! And Laich is a ladies’ man. Who doesn’t love a ladies’ man? Fedorov was bitchin’ on a line with Mr. Ovechkin and Kozlov. I was (ba-da-ba-ba-ba!) loving it!
- Vincent Lecavalier signs with Tampa Bay for 11 years and $85 million, complete with one of those evil no trade clauses. Vinny is decidedly a hottie, and a darn good player, and Tampa Bay decidedly sucks, so I am happy that I won’t have to worry about a player with actual talent going to a team that doesn’t suck and beating the Sabres. Although this could pose as a problem in the future for Alex and the rest of the Caps. Hmmm…
- Pittsburgh signs Fleury and Malkin, longterm. I put this on the good list because pity the Penguins and their fans. They went through what we Sabres fans went through last year with The Whores, aka Drury and Briere. A lot of the players seem to hate Therrien, and a lot of the players skipped town at the start of the free agency period (to Tampa Bay, strangely enough. Watch out, Alex and Co.!),
- Ted Nolan is fired by the Islanders. Sucka!!!
- The Sabres signed Nathan Gerbe, Tim Kennedy, Jhonas Enroth, etc. This signing spree was encouraging, since I had fallen in love with Nathan Gerbe, everyone’s favorite shortie, the moment I heard about him.
- Ray Emery had no choice but to sign with some Russian team. This honestly made my day when I read it.
- Detroit signed Hossa for one year, and they got Ty Conklin to back up Ozzie. Note to every other team in the NHL: Don’t even bother. You’re screwed.
- Brian Campbell signed with Chicago. I had really enjoyed the Blackhawks last year. Their winning in no way affected the Sabres’ ultimately unsuccessful run for the playoffs, and Patrick Kane plays for them. Who doesn’t love Patrick Kane? But then Soupy had to sign with them, for way too much money. Not cool, Soupy. Greed is almost as unattractive as that sloppy red hair of yours.
- Cristobal Huet signed with Chicago. I get that he’s not even a really great goalie, but still. I had gained a soft spot for him in my heart during his stay in Washington, and really liked those, “Hip, hip, Huet!” cheers.
- Crunchy is not under contract after this season. (By Crunchy I mean Ryan Miller. For some reason Miller is referred to as Crunchy across the blogosphere, and who am I to shy away from a trend?) I know that he sucked this season, but a mediocre goalie is better than no goalie at all. And what am I gonna do with Little Ryan if he goes and plays for Detroit?
- Max Afinogenov is still a Sabre. Seriously, the guy sucks. He has not scored a goal since 2001. I would know. I watch Vintage Games.
- Sean Avery signed with Dallas. I’m going to miss him. He’s obnoxious, and he’s stupid, but he’s always good for a laugh.
- Washington signs Jose Theodore, since Olie got pissed when they traded for Huet and left for Tampa Bay. (CAPITALS! BEWARE OF THE LIGHTNING! BEWARE!) I wasn’t really sure what to think, since Theodore is supposed to be pretty good when he doesn’t have the flu, aka detroitredwingsitis, so I googled him. And found this.
- Patrick Lalime, the Sabres’ newest backup goaltender. He’s been out in Chicago for God knows how long, so I don’t know what to think. All I know is that he used to play for Ottawa. *shudder*
- Jeff Finger. Oh, you’ve never heard of him? Yeah, well neither has anyone else. I think Cliff Fletcher was feeling all sad about saying goodbye to Mats Sundin and went binge-free agent shopping.
- I find it hilarious that Sundin was offered $20 million for 2 years in Vancouver. Mats, just a suggestion: go away. Please.
- Brooks Orpik resigned with Pittsburgh. I was under the impression that he wanted out. I was also under the impression that the Sabres would try to make an offer for him. Nope. Darcy didn’t make him an offer, even though his brother Andrew is a Sabres prospect. Whatevs, Darcy. Call me when you lock in Crunchy for life.
Sorry if I didn’t mention any of your favorite offseason moments!