Well, maybe not an ‘A.’ Because Jay Mohr was terrible. But you know what? I have now watched the NHL Awards twice through (I’ll explain) and once again I’m reminded of how much I love this sport and this league.
Last night I missed half of the acceptance speeches because we were LOLing too hard (after Ryan’s, we proceeded to thank Noureen for all the other guys when they gave their speeches) and we were complaining too much during Jay Mohr’s stuff to completely appreciate it. We did, however, enjoy the Bobby Ryan/Ryan Getzlaf skit. Genius. It was funny, it was entertaining, even my mother cracked up. I love things like that. These guys have such great personalities and the league really should showcase that.
Today I watched my recording of it, which was fantastic. I could fast-forward through all the awkward banter and bad musical performances and just watch the acceptance speeches and player bits. It was quite nice.
I’m always down for a good “Alex Ovechkin looks like a caveman” joke, but Bigfoot? Really? I also thoroughly enjoyed his acceptance speech. I’ll be honest, I was surprised he won the Ted Lindsay award. I knew there was always the chance he’d win but I didn’t actually think he would. And while him winning that made me think he really did have a shot at the Hart, I’m okay with the way things turned out. Alex was voted most valuable player by his peers (I pointed this out ad nauseam to my Sidney Crosby fan friend last night around two in the morning until she threw a pillow at me), Hank got recognition from the media for what really was a great season, and Sid got the “we feel bad that we don’t have any other award to give you so we’re giving you this award” award. HA.
But I must admit, Sid did look completely out of his element last night. Poor kid.
I have a theory that it was actually Daniel accepting the awards tonight, and I’d like to keep it that way in my mind.
I love Tyler even more for his speech but the poor thing needs a little work on the hair. God bless his soul, I can’t wait until he wins ten Norris trophies.
Ryan Miller can work skinny ties like it’s nobody’s business. I’m very picky about who wears skinny ties, but he gets my seal of approval.
Mike Green, this is what you get for being a fatty and a crappy defenseman. Yay Duncs!
I cried when Theo was accepting his award. I have no problem admitting that. What a guy. I hope he ends up somewhere good next year.
(Seriously, Darcy, I’ve been saying for at least a year that you need to get him here to back up Ryan. He’d be a great backup!!)
I think I’m going to hunt down Pavel Datsyuk and get him ordained so he can marry me or give a speech at my wedding or something. That guy is hilarious.
Patrick Kane is going to get herpes before he’s done in Vegas if he’s not careful. Good grief, Kaner.
Over the past few years I’ve come up with a rule for myself. After my favorite teams are eliminated, I don’t wear their apparel until the playoffs are over. I just don’t want to be that guy in the Sabres shirt in the middle of the conference finals, you know? This usually is highly inconvenient, because my weekend attire when I’m hanging around the house is quite frequently a hockey shirt. This year was particularly rough because all of my hockey shirts except one got knocked out in the first round. Now that Stanley has been awarded and I’ve spent the day out and about and sitting finals in a Toews shirt, I can go back to lounging around in my Backstrom shirt. (And thank the hockey gods for that, because it’s the most comfortable tshirt I own)
So, congratulations to the Blackhawks for winning. It’s all quite exciting and it was only a matter of time. I’m of the opinion that they should just not carve Hossa’s name on the Cup to piss him off. I’m also a little sick seeing Campbell and Huet get it, but like the case of swine flu I had last June, it’ll pass eventually. It kind of felt like a now-or-never situation for Chicago since their cap is a mess, and I like enough Hawks fans to be the bigger person and congratulate them. We’ll get Stanley next year! (I hope)
In regards to my prediction, I personally believe that I had a pretty good chance of being right. Philadelphia managed to keep it close in several games and looked great in the games they won. Kane’s goal was a fluke and if Leighton wasn’t so bad he might not have even scored it. So whatever. I have no regrets.
But seriously, guys, it makes for a nice story and all, but sometimes waivers goalies AREN’T the answer.
I have no idea why we don’t have school today. Um, it’s not snowing and the roads look fine. Whatevs, I’m not complaining.
Tonight the Sabres play the Blackhawks. Woo. Buffalo’s favorite son returns home, faces off against his favorite childhood team, blah blah blah. The ‘Hawks are really good, this is another big test for the Sabres. After the way they thoroughly manhandled the Capitals I have lots of faith in them…unless Lala starts. Which apparently is a possibility. Oh, lordy lord. I know I go on and on about how he needs to start, but still, the Sabres simply do not play well in front of him. It saddens and frustrates me, but it’s the truth. If he plays tonight and the Sabres lose because of him, I’ll most likely cry.
In the interests of full disclosure, I am wearing a Toews shirt. I’m rooting for the Sabres 110% tonight, but let’s face it: The Blackhawks have a totally kickass logo and this t-shirt is very comfortable.
Speaking of shirts, my Lars t-shirt finally came yesterday! Victory is mine! Suck it, NHL Store.
I know lots of people going to the game tonight, so I hope the Sabres give them a good show!
In other news:
The Flyers were shut out by the Senators, further illustrating that theirs was the most effective coaching change ever. Remember when everyone was SO SURE that the Flyers were THE BEST TEAM IN THE NHL, BAR NONE, and they were definitely HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE CUP FINALS? That was funny.
I’d say this video is one part hilarious, two parts horrifyingly awkward, one part pornographic.
- The new issue of Men’s Journal has a lovely photo spread of one of my preferred stupid, suspended Russians. I spent about thirty seconds looked high and low across the internet but couldn’t find the pictures already on there and since my camera is in need of new batteries and the scanner has been broken for three years, you’ll just have to trust me that aside from the model who probably had intercourse with him, the pictures are pretty darn hot.
- I saw a Myers third jersey today in school. It made me warm and fuzzy.
- NHL.com and I have been in a battle of epic proportions since May: I want a Lars t-shirt and they don’t want me to get one. I decided this in May when Larsie was tearing it up in the playoffs and being a BAMF and I was so in love with the Capitals and the first two games of the second round and everything was sunshine and daisies. I think the video in this post also had a lot to do with that decision. I made my way over to the online NHL Store only to discover that the only size they carried was an adult XXL. There is no way a shirt in this size would ever, possibly fit me, so I decided to wait. I checked periodically throughout the summer but it wasn’t until early October that they finally appeared to restock and appeared to be carrying my size. I hurried to place my order and I was reviewing the final order before submitting it, I discovered that the item I ordered was backordered and it would ship in 2-4 weeks. “I’ve been waiting since May,” I said to myself, “So I have no problem waiting a few extra weeks. I won’t let them win.” You can therefore imagine my surprise when, a week later, I received an email saying that my order had been further delayed and I would receive notification when it shipped. Today I got an email saying the order was cancelled. As I was NOT going to let them win, I hurriedly placed a call to the number at the bottom of the email. I have now re-placed my order. I got 20% off and it will ship in 2-4 weeks, they promise. It’s not even like I want a Lars shirt SO BADLY that I simply HAVE TO HAVE IT, but just forgetting I ever wanted one is like letting the terrorists win. So, NHL.com, you may have won this round, but I assure you that I will be victorious in the end.
- I’m so sad that Spacek, formerly known as the beloved Caveman, is coming back to Buffalo.
- I’m starting to get really pissed at Lindy. Yo, dude, I get that we’re the only team that has yet to win a game with a backup in net, but seriously, Ryan is going to FALL APART.
- Does anyone know if Matt Bradley is a papa yet?
- I do not understand how Chicago is going to fit Toews, Kane, and Keith under the cap along with the Soupster, Hossa, and Huet. It doesn’t make sense. Isn’t that like 90% of their payroll right there? There isn’t enough room!
- I’m glad tomorrow’s Friday.
Reviewing the Sabres roster, it would appear as though we have a shitload of forwards, an unsigned Drew Stafford, and a couple Pirates who were hoping to make the jump this year. I may be a bit late to this party, but the Sabres look like they might need to be making some trades. I was hoping Nate and Timmy would be able to make the final roster this year, but in light of the current situation, I’m not sure there will be room for them.
I’m really on the fence about resigning Stafford. They probably do need him in the lineup, but they might be able to trade him for something good. On the other hand, if the Sabres are right up against the cap it’s not like they’ll be able to trade him away and get something good in return. I’m quite intrigued by the whole situation. I’m looking forward to how it all plays out.
Just a few other things:
- At this point, it’s really old news, but Alex got a tramp stamp. I’m just not going to comment on that.
- Even my one cousin, who is far too busy following the Panthers and Gamecocks to pay any attention to another sport like hockey, heard about Kaner getting arrested. This is a huge deal.
- Even if when he gets off with just a slap on the wrist, Kane’s still going to have to deal with a crappy reputation. This whole incident would be a perfect excuse for Chicago to say that with Duncan Keith and Jonathan Toews due contracts next summer too, the ‘Hawks just can’t afford him. And that’s when the Sabres will swoop in and sign him. Guys, at some point in his career, maybe even sooner than we thought, Patrick Kane will be a Buffalo Sabre.
- There’s a huge teeny tiny part of me that wants Chris Drury to come back now that Mike Grier is back. I know he’s outrageously overpaid, I know he’s underproducing in New York, I know he tried to knock my beloveds out of the playoffs, I know he didn’t like getting harassed by fans at Wegmans, but still. He fit really well on the Sabres.
- My dad saw Dan Marino yesterday morning when he was buying a paper. This is definitely better than the year we saw Jennifer Love Hewitt.
- Bruce, in an effort to be as cute and adorable as possible, says that Jose enters the camp as the #1 goalie. Oh, Bruce. Stop it, you funny old man, you. Varly has to compete for the starting job? Really? Okay, Bruce.
- Now, I realize that in theory this could be a really interesting competition for the starting job, but really? I have complete faith in Simeon Simyon. I believe in him.
- Speaking of Varly, a while back he changed the spelling of his name. I understand that he wants people to pronounce it properly, but still. Dude. I like the real spelling better. And now I have to change the spelling on my tag. (Edit: It’s Semyon, not Simyon. My bad.)
I tried posting right after darling Kaner’s arrest, but between the poor internet connection down here and my phone’s WordPress app deciding to crap out, it didn’t work. Just a warning, a brief post in which I comment on how proud I am of Kaner for making TMZ might show up here at some point this week.
So, three quick things:
1.) Um, Patrick Kane got ARRESTED?!?! Whoa. Totally did not see that coming. I mean, I’ve heard he’s a total ego head, but still. Way to make us proud, Patty. You definitely are Buffalo’s Favorite Son.
I’m sure there’s more to this story than what we’re hearing, but I also think that this doesn’t make Kaner look too good. Hasn’t he always been marketed as a stand up guy and the cute little Buffalo Boy who just loves hockey?
2.) Um, Mike Grier SIGNED WITH THE SABRES?!?! Whoa. Totally did not see that coming. He’ll definitely fill that leadership role the Sabres so desperately need, but still. Wow. I freaked out in my aunt’s kitchen when I got my Sabres text yesterday. The general feel seems to be “OMGAH MIKE GRIER?!?!”, so at least I’m not alone in being completely blown away/perplexed by this deal.
And with that, Darcy has made his Big Move of the summer and can now kick back.
3.) I wasn’t sure if I should mention it here or on Facebook or Twitter or anything like that (in case it would compromise national security or something), but it came to our attention shortly before we left that Joe Biden and his family were going to be vacationing on Kiawah this week as well. We had made a lot of jokes about running into him and relaxing on the beach with him and other things of that nature. We also all said we hoped we’d see him.
Well, two days ago my parents woke up at the crack of dawn to take a bike ride on the beach before the tide came in. When they got back, they informed us that in one of the houses down on the less-habitated streets of the island, there were two secret service agents posted at the end of the boardwalk, complete with dark sunglasses, earpieces, and guns in their pockets. There was also a Coast Guard ship in the water right in front of the house. After establishing that that was where Joe was staying, they decided to get up again the next morning and bike by. Instead of seeing the secret service guys guarding his house, they saw him. He said hello to them and everything.
I was quite jealous, so yesterday afternoon I decided to bike over to the street we had determined he was staying on. I’ve been over that way before, and it’s a serious bike ride. I did, however, see a big black Suburban in a driveway.
I still wanted to see Joe, as did my aunt and my cousin, so this morning we woke up early and took off down the beach to see if he was out walking again. Yesterday my parents had to bike down pretty far to see him, but today, after only biking for about twenty minutes, we saw the convoy.
I won’t go into details, because again, I don’t want to compromise national security or anything like that, but I will say that one secret service agent said good morning to me, one chatted me and my cousin up, and Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States of America, flashed us his white smile and said, “Good morning!”
It’s totally lame, but at the same time, totally exciting. He was four feet away from me.
(And he was shirtless, something my aunt found rather amusing.)
So that’s my exciting celebrity encounter for the week. Much cooler than when I saw BJ Novak in Boston.
Anyone who has spent any amount of time around this blog knows I have a serious fetish for bobbleheads. I wish I didn’t, but it’s an addiction I just can’t seem to kick.
Now Clare, the lovely writer over at All Hawks Hockey, recently took a trip to Chicago. She knows how I feel about bobbleheads, and as the game she was attending was Pkane Bobblehead Night, she brought me back my own beloved little bobblehead.
Dear Readers, I introduce you to Petit Pat:
Now all I need is a center and two defensemen and I’ve got a starting lineup!
Petit Pat gets along very nicely with the other bobbleheads. He and Mini Alex were discussing sticks earlier, and he and Little Ryan talked about Buffalo.
His conversation with Little Ryan, however, was cut short. You may recall how last year after coughing up a two goal lead to the Canadiens and then losing in overtime near the end of the season, Little Ryan spent the night on the deck. Well, he didn’t spend last night on the deck, but after that game against New Jersey, he did spend the night somewhere “more fitting for his play.”
That’s Little Ryan’s head, and that’s my garbage can.
As I watched last night’s game with Clare I can’t really comment on it because I paid it very little attention. It seemed like every time I looked up, New Jersey was scoring or Regular Ryan was attempting to beat up Zach Parise but somehow ended up locked in a fight the Caveman instead. A playoff team would have been able to take advantage of the fact that they had a two man advantage at the end of the game and the fact that New York had lost. Whatever, Sabres. Good luck against Detroit tomorrow.
Atlanta vs. Washington, 3 p.m. I have no faith in Washington winning against these crazy Thrashers, but if Alex could have a four-point afternoon to tie Malkin for the league lead, that would be nice.
From the red carpet, which DID NOT disappoint:
Best interview of the year, right there:
Gary (That’s his name, right?): So, Alex, do you know what you’re going to do tonight?
Alex (Looking SPECTACULAR in his Dolce suit and red tie): Yeah. It’s gonna be funny.
Gary (Looking supremely confused): Uh-huh. Well, ladies and gentlemen, with Alex-
Alex: Funny. Fun. You’re gonna laugh.
Our kids will be so articulate. It’s ridiculous. I’m positively giddy with the thought of it.
- Reader Award to anyone who can find me a hockey player with an ugly kid. I am so in love with hockey players’ children, it’s not even funny. TimTom’s daughter, with her pink jacket and fur-trimmed hood, clutching his hand, positively killed me. Adorable.
- Thomas Vanek, what the FUCK did you do to your hair?
- Ryan Getzlaf was WORKING that tie.
- Henrik Lundqvist is so pretty.
- I have officially fallen in love with Carey Price. There is nothing that boy man could do to make me stop loving him. That suit? The tie/shirt combo? Saying he’s looking pretty good for a boy from the farm? LOVE!
- Poor Pkane appears to be suffering from a breakout. Aw. Pkane, might I suggest Biore?
- Speaking of Patty, are he and Jonathan Toews now interchangeable?
- Whoa. Jarome Iginla, where have you been all my life?
- Ditto for Dan Boyle.
- Zdeno Chara, what’s up with that scarf?
From the Superskillz:
Yeah. I know.
Just a warning, every single post on this blog might revolve around this picture from now on. I haven’t decided yet.
Um, does this picture (and the Twitter updates?) mean that Alex and Evgeni actually ARE friends again? Because screw pressure from the Russian media. You don’t do this unless the guy is your BFF.
- Dear Readers, I have documented before how the immortal words “Why you quit?” have had a serious impact on my life. I love Alex for saying them, and that quote is definitely in the top five of my favorite Alex quotes. Last night, as soon as my parents left and I decided I was due for a “study break,” I rushed over to the TV and rewound to see if they interviewed Alex earlier. The man – whose name I STILL can’t remember! – did in fact interview him, and the first thing he brought up was The Interview, in Dallas two years ago. Dear Readers, ALEX mentioned up how he had told the man he would talk to George about getting him a coaching job for the Caps, and the man reminisced about teaching Alex that coaches are fired and that they don’t quit. I…just…love him.
- Pkane was looking AWESOME, if I do say so myself. I wouldn’t mind seeing him get a little trim, though. And Man Whose Name I Can’t Remember, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Pkane and Mr. Toes Toews have beautiful faces.
- Oh Sid. You’re such a good person. You knew the minute you dropped out that you would still come up to Montreal, but that you didn’t want to steal any of the attention from the other players. He has to realize that merely by being there he’s stealing attention. He is, after all, Sidney Crosby. And you also bashed two of the best players in the NHL. It may have been inadvertent, but was I the only one who got the feeling that he was secretly thinking, “Ha, I am Sidney Crosby, the master of hockey, and I come to All Star games even when I’m hurt. Unlike those weak Red Wings”?
- Carey Price is hot. Like, really, really hot. Smokin’ hot. I knew there was a reason I picked him as my Playoffs Boyfriend in the second round last year. (Hey, I warned you I would get fangirl-y this weekend)
- Yeah. Sure. I refuse to believe that the biggest bitch fight since Serena and Blair, season one, is over. It would be just like the NHL/Russian newspapers to make it seem like their two Russian stars are once again BFFs. I, for one, think it’s much more interesting when they’re at each other’s throats.
- I really think it’s stupid that the NHL makes such a big deal about the All Star Game. In the long run, wouldn’t they rather have their star players healthy for the playoffs and the second half of the season? Yeesh. Don’t make them sit a game.
- From what they’ve shown on the NHL Network so far, it looks like Montreal did a great job getting ready for the weekend. All those interactive games are like the ones they have at the Hall of Fame in Toronto, and they’re a lot of fun. Props to the batshit crazy fans of Montreal for putting on a good party.
- I have a paper cut right on the top of my left pointer finger and it hurts to do EVERYTHING. Typing this right now is killing me. The sacrifices I make for you people…
- Studying? Is not fun. I would much rather watch Mamma Mia! six times and then watch the All Star coverage.
(check out the update at the bottom)
And that is why I’m going to be honest with you. I did not watch the Sabres game last night, Dear Readers. I didn’t. And you know why? Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I FLIPPED OVER the Sabres were either NOT SCORING ON A SIX MINUTE POWER PLAY or Lala was HANGING OUT IN THE FACE-OFF CIRCLE WHILE CHICAGO PLAYERS WERE SWARMING THE NET or LETTING WACKY-DOODLE GOALS IN. (I don’t know if it’s because he just doesn’t play enough, or if he turned off the game-winning part of his brain over the summer, but Lala has got to change something. Stat.) Maybe the 55 minutes I didn’t watch last night were different, but the five minutes I did see were craptastically bad. I’m kind of glad I didn’t watch, because now I don’t have to talk about the pile of poo that is the Buffalo Sabres. (But, uh, If Rej is hurt, wouldn’t putting Chris Butler back in be the most logical move?)
Maybe the Sabres were trying to punish me for not watching them. That’s kind of stupid on their part, because I made it quite clear that I would watch the more exciting game last night. And while the Caps/Pens game was pretty boring in the first and second period, it was outrageously awesome in the third. Alexxxx scored TWICE to tie Jeff Carter’s league lead, Semie scored, Washington killed off a two minute 5-on-3, Jose wasn’t TOO sucky, Bruce was angry, life was good. My jersey snapped its losing streak in a big way. And Pittsburgh? Not so good at hockey. Evgeni Malkin needs to lay off Alex, though. Everyone thought Alex would be the one trying to grind Geno into the ice, but it was the other way around. I was screaming my head off by the time they finally called that cross-check in the first. I’m kind of intrigued by the whole Crosby injury, merely because I have no idea how the NHL will react if Sid has to miss the All Star Game two years in a row. I wonder who they will use to replace him on the top line! (Frostee’s Dad has a theory that it’ll be Alex Semin, and if for some odd reason that did happen, I think I would die laughing.)
Tonight the Sabres play Dallas. I’m kind of hoping Dallas can be mature about all this, unlike last year when the Sabres made the trip to Big D. Yes, Dallas, we get it. You beat the Sabres in 1999. You won the Stanley Cup. You scored an ILLEGAL GOAL (and people wonder why Buffalo fans bitch about officiating), but you won. Seriously, though, it was ten years ago. Get over it. I’m thinking Miller will be in net? Which would be good, because right now he’s the only player on that team I trust. I’ll most likely watch the whole game tonight, because all the teachers today told us to enjoy our FOUR day weekend, and at the bank a few minutes ago my mom overheard someone who works for the school district say there won’t be school tomorrow. Awesome. I have so much shit to do.
Dear Bruce Boudreau,
Congrats on the win last night, Bruce. You were the better team, and you deserved it. I was just wondering.
Why in the name of God did you bench Chris Clark??
No, no, don’t give me that, “Eric Fehr came back and we needed to scratch a winger” crap. There are oodles of wingers on your team. Chris Clark happens to be the CAPTAIN. Since when do you scratch the CAPTAIN, especially if it has “nothing to do with play”?? This has nothing to do with my love friendship with admiration of Mr. Clark. I just didn’t think benching the captain was something one usually did.
Um, calling the other players in the Shootout Challenge “idiots” was probably not the best idea. Just so you know.
So, remember how after the Bite Game I said how Jarkko must be a Twilight fan? Yeah, well, Sports Illustrated copied me. I was perusing the new issue and when they mentioned the bite, they mentioned that it was very Twilight-esque of him to do that. I should have copy-righted that.