If you told me at twelve when we turned on NHL Home Ice in the far as we drove from Montreal to Quebec City that when I finally got the Internet connection to work I would discover that on today, July 1, Free Agency Day, Darcy would have already signed someone but GMGM wouldn’t, I would have thought you were crazy. Is this some sort of alternate universe?
And while I realize that many people will miss Hank and Toni (one of my close friends was very emotionally invested in Lydman staying) I find their new deals with their new teams highly amusing.
Ever since we found out the Sabres would be playing the Bruins I whined and moaned to everyone that it would be the most boring series ever and we could all just watch highlights to see the few goals we missed. The game might have ended with the predicted score of 2-1 (calling it now – this will be the final of every game this series) but it was decidedly NOT boring. It was FUN! Like, good, old fashioned, haven’t seen this here in years playoffs fun. What a feisty bunch those Sabres are, even if Lydman did sort of turtle a little.
Vanek picked the RIGHT time to wake up. We missed you, kiddo.
I could get used to a few more games like this. Not too many (ifyaknowwaddamean!) but a few. I’m still not totally convinced about these guys, but they’re starting to win me over.
I didn’t even want the Caps to sweep anyway, so, you know, whatever Montreal. *tosses hair*
USA still beat Canada.
My Caps Kids Club fan pack came in the mail today and I am now a card-carrying member of the club. The hat and lunchbox are insanely awesome. It’s lame that I have to redeem my coupon for my Slapshot bobblehead at the Verizon Center, but fortunately I’ll be there in a few weeks and will be able to get it.
Sweden also won last night in the Battle of Henrik Tallinder and Toni Lydman. It sounds as though Lars Nicklas had a very solid game. He’s pretty good, kids. Maybe he’ll start getting recognition for being more than just a product of being Alex Ovechkin’s linemate.
Ryan Miller is still the best goalie evah and one of my favorite Americans evah. Apologies to George W. I still think you did a kicking job with America.
I’m still COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT about Wednesday. I’m not mentally ready for this game. It’s going to be insane.
I do not care if the Sabres don’t make the playoffs this year. Toni Lydman scoring the only goal of the shootout is officially my Sabres Highlight of the Year. I wish you could have seen me when Toni came over the boards. I had been lying on the couch and literally sat up and threw my hands over my face. I am not kidding. Then I cursed the hockey gods. Then Toni scored and I cracked up. FYI, Toni has never missed a shootout goal in his career.
After Pommer missed on his attempt I saw him say the F-word. Jason, that kind of language is NOT ALLOWED. I am WASHING YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP.
Miller stopped every single shot in the shootout. I’m so glad I wore my Miller shirt yesterday. We were watching the HNiC pre-game show and I found it quite interesting when they showed Ryan and Carey getting ready. Carey had a really tight wife beater that appeared to be made of under-armor material. It showed off his tanned, muscular arms quite nicely. Ryan had one of his baggy Sabres hoodies on. He is so the emo kid on the team.
If there aren’t any suspensions after that hit on Patty I’ll personally start a riot. That is a DANGEOUS HIT TO THE HEAD, NHL. GET ON IT.
I’m pretty sure Buffalo got called 18 times for “playing against Montreal” last night. That’s the most popular penalty in the NHL right now. Tampa Bay got called for it a ton of times on Thursday.
Goosie got a Gordie Howe Hat Trick on Friday? Sweet!
I would just like to let everyone know that the Atlanta Thrashers won 6-3 last night after trailing to Ottawa. I was on the phone with my mom when they scored the sixth goal on the power play and I dropped the phone and yelped excitedly. Ilya got his fortieth goal!!!
I still don’t believe that the Sabres will make the playoffs (although if they won both games of a back-to-back thanks to Toni Lydman, anything is possible), but I do feel myself warming to them again. I’ve always loved them, but now I can like them again.
Actually, I am still chuckling to myself. I think it’s because last night I accepted that the Sabres will not make the playoffs, so now I can just take a very casual stance on the rest of the season. I’ll still root for them, but I won’t freak myself out over the standings and points and games in hand.
I actually had a really awesome post all planned out for today, but then I got slammed with three hours of homework and a test next Friday in my HARDEST class. This test will involve Chinese agricultural inventions and how they evolved into that John Deere lawnmower you’ve got out in your garage, just to give you an idea. And my parents are dragging me along as a third-wheel to their anniversary dinner. I have no idea what they’re going to do when I leave for college. So, super-fast:
- Lydman is outrageously bad. I really couldn’t believe it. He stays out for the longest shift of his career and then coughs up the puck. I don’t blame Patty for that goal. I blame Lydman.
- Jason Pominville is so bad at hockey I couldn’t believe it. WHAT is going on with him?
- Two Canadian guys were sitting behind us and the more they drank, the more pronounced their accents got. Listening to them say “Timmy” was fantastic. Listening to them mispronounce “Kotalik” and “Tallinder” was not.
- That shorthanded goal completely changed the game. It was pretty quiet in there after that.
- That third goal was disgusting. I could not believe Patty let that in. He was just sitting in the left side of the crease while the Anaheim player walked in.
- We left before Goose rearranged Getzlaf’s face so I have no comment on that.
- There were two highlights to my evening last night: The first was hearing the drunk Canadians behind us call Giguere a slut at the beginning of the third. The second was seeing Miller and Patches up in the press box before the game started.
- Lala is now sick, and Enroth appears to be our started. This is the reason for the title of my post. It’s really funny when you think about it.
- Read this.
- I just want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes. It was really sweet of you guys. Jill, that deCAPitate thing was hilarious. Clare, you should start a business making those for stalkers across the nation.
So, the Capitals won last night. Yay! I’m glad they beat the Blackhawks. I wanted them to.
My boy scored two goals, and I celebrated by hanging the president picture (from inside the magazine. The one on the cover still gives me nightmares) on The Wall. It’s kind of hilarious that Alex is up there looking all serious right next to the picture of Paetsch and Mair modeling clothes. At least, it is to me.
Note to Pkane: Hey, man, sorry you got the loss. It sucks, I know, but we’ve talked about this. I will root for your personal succcess fo-evah, but I can not root for a team with Brian Campbell on it. I can’t!
Speaking of Brian Campbell:
After Bradley’s goal pulled Washington within 2-1, Ovechkin tied it about 5 minutes into the second period, gathering the puck back near Washington’s blue line, then moving in and using retreating Chicago defenseman Brian Campbell to essentially screen goalie Nikolai Khabibulin .
Ovechkin shot around Campbell and past Khabibulin, then skated toward a corner and jumped into the glass, slamming his gloves.
Sucks for you, Blackhawks.
I didn’t mention it yesterday because I had been too busy freaking out during the game to tell who it was, but I can now award oodles of warm fuzzies to Toni Lydman. Toni and I may have our differences, but he totally saved Crunchy’s ass Friday night. Thanks, Toni.
Now that I think about it, I don’t recall reading about Tim Connolly being shipped off to some happy place in the paper this morning. What’s up with that, Darcy? I kind of thought he’d be gone by now…
Dear Readers, you wouldn’t happen to know what Robert Mugabe’s thoughts on the slave trade are, would you?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.
P.S. I’m actually not that cranky since I passed out around three. But I’m angry that there are no Bills/Sabres today. I need to make sure that the Bills will win, and now that hockey’s back and the Sabres are like the best team in the league (see what one win can do to a hungry fan? that win has made me crazy.), I really want to watch them. I can’t wait until tomorrow afternoon! That’s, like, 24 whole hours!!!
P.P.S. Since I will most likely be working on my “Kaffir Boy” book project (if you haven’t read “Kaffir Boy,” go read it right now. It is amazing.), I’ll try to update after every period or something tomorrow. We’ll see how the book project-ing goes.
So since it’s Friday and we had early dismissal I actually had a chance to BREATHE this afternoon, before I dove into the shitload of homework I have, I downloaded the Media Guide. I have to say, overall, there weren’t too many surprising things in there. Everyone loves chicken and rice/pasta, U2 and DMB are amazing, their parents are the most influential people in their lives, and they’ve been playing hockey forever. A few notes from my quick read-through:
- Tim Connolly is smiling. I…I just don’t understand that. And apparently he would own a winery if he wasn’t a hockey player. (I really liked seeing what a few of the players would be doing if they weren’t hockey players)
- WTF, Pkaleta? Kaltsy? Kaltsy? That is the most RANDOM nickname I have ever heard. I’m going to agree with Anne and just assume that the players just take part of their name and add -sy. But I still think Kaltsy is the most retarded nickname ever.
- I think it’s really cute that all Patrick Lalime had to say about himself is that he and his wife, Marie-Helene, have two daughters whose names are Liliana and Rosemary. They sound like names of elves in the Inheritance Trilogy Cycle (which, by the way, I finished. 😥 The first 600 pages were terrible, but the last 200 made up for it, in my opinion).
- Tony Lydman’s picture is, well, classic Toni Lydman.
- Clarke MacArthur’s picture makes my kind of wonder why I thought he was so hot last year. His hair, it’s just so…ew.
- Adam Mair basically wants to STEAL MY HEART (sorry M.J.) by telling me that if he wasn’t playing hockey, he would probably be a teacher. Why don’t you just go end genocide in Darfur while you’re at it, Adam.
- Oh, Crunchy. How I love you so. (I think they used the exact same interests/hobbies thing from last year, which makes me think they are slackers. I have also been operating under the assumption that since Rachel McAdams is his favorite actress, he will watch The Notebook with me whenever I want and come with me to see The Time-Traveler’s Wife. Especially since according to Drew Stafford, guys actually like chick flicks.)
- I love how Petey listed his brother as one of the most influential people in his life, since here at Frostee’s House we LOVE Geoff. He’s basically awesome.
- Pommer’s favorite team growing up was the Green Bay Packers (if it turns out he is one of those Brett Favre fan boys, I am taking his picture off The Wall), and the best concert he ever went to was Justin Timberlake (first of all, I thought Kanye was his favorite! And second, according to my friend Erin, who ran into him at that very same concert, he claims “Soupy had an extra ticket and made me come!” The poor dear.)
- Craig Rivet’s biggest pet peeves are cockiness and arrogance, but I really don’t care what he has to say because he doesn’t even wanna be in Buffalo. If his play shows that, I will have to burn down his house.
- We’ve already figured out that Derek Roy loves his boat, “Love Potion #9” (I’m going along with the theory that Petey named it. It seems like something he would do), but did you know that he also likes playing cards and vids? Derek Roy is a gamer. Who’da thunk?
- Staffy is smiling as well. I’m not sure if I like the new, happy versions of Drew Stafford and Tim Connolly. Zach Parise is his favorite athlete (awww!!!) and he collects arcade games (hmmm). And what the hell is up with D-Money?
- Henrik Tallinder, call me sometime and we’ll watch Shrek. (Shrek, man? Shrek? That’s amazing.) And is it just me, or is saying that he’d be a ski instructor if he wasn’t a hockey player very Swedish of him?
- Whoever cut Thomas Vanek’s hair should be killed. Is he harboring some sort of secret desire to look like his little froufrou dog? (Frostee’s Dad literally choked on his drink when I told him this. We have a yellow lab, after all, and he very much dislikes small dogs)
- If someone finds me a picture of “Webs” boating with Derek Roy, I think I will die laughing.
- Not only is my BFF Gerb-dogg rocking a soulpatch, he also looks incredibly cuddly. If I ever meet him, I think I will have to cuddle with him (in a totally friendly way).
Today in math, quite a few of the kids were wearing Sabres gear (including myself) in honor of the start of training camp, and my teacher jokingly asked one kid if he wanted to buy a Drury jersey. Naturally, the boy recoiled in disgust, and Mr. Senn promised that he was just joking. He then went on to say, and I quote, “Nah, I’m just going to take off the three and put on a nine and turn it into a Pominville jersey.” I know. My married, male, football coach math teacher is planning on wearing a Pominville jersey to games. WTF?
When I opened up the depth chart today online, I realized that I don’t pay one bit of attention to defenders on the ice, unless his name is Toni Lydman and he sucks. Therefore, this analysis is not going to be very good, and I promise that I will pay more attention this year. (This might be because I haven’t seen Sabres hockey since freaking MARCH. That is TOO LONG)
Last season was: AWESOME when he faked out Marty, but otherwise a bit frustrating.
This season should be: solid defense.
I will admit, I can not get too mad at Henrik after the shootout against New Jersey. Honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite as badassed as that in a very long time. But he needs to learn how to defend the freaking goalie the rest of the time. I vaguely remember being mad at him for not doing that.
Last season was: ….. (how the fuck am I supposed to do that? I can not remember ANYTHING from last season other than hating losing. Not making the playoffs is not good for me. Jaro, tell me, what did you do last year? I remember you scoring the first goal of the season, but I also remember the Sabres losing that game. WHAT DID YOU DO?!!?)
This season should be: solid defense.
Just…don’t leave Crunchy alone. I get that he sucked out loud most of the time last season, but sometimes it was because YOU and YOUR FELLOW DEFENDERS were not doing their JOB.
Last season was: sucky.
This season should be: solid defense. (see a theme?)
Toni Lydman does not know how to play defense. I lost all faith in him last year, and he better be AMAZING in the first game this year, because that’s all I’m giving him. Three periods to prove me wrong.
Last season was: spent in San Jose.
This season should be: solid defense, and veteran leadership.
I tacked on the veteran leadership for him because that’s supposedly why we got him. God knows we need some more on-ice leadership. We also need some solid defense. Craig, you better DELIVER.
Last season was: ehh
This season should be: I’m not really sure.
Nathan Paetsch is another one of those guys I don’t really care about. I also know that if Mike Weber was to replace him on the roster then he would have to clear waivers before he could go to Rochester Portland, and everyone keeps talking about how we can’t risk that, but are they serious? Because, from what I can remember, (fuck you, Sabres, for not making the playoffs. I have enough to remember without having to remember how NATHAN PAETSCH, of all people, played last year), losing him doesn’t seem like it would be SUCH a travesty. But maybe that’s just my opinion.
Last season was: totally awesome.
This season should be: totally awesome.
After showing just how awesome he is during the end of last season, Andrej Sekera is most definitely feeling the love. I have complete confidence in him. I’m not worried at all.
Last season was: also pretty awesome.
This season should be: pretty awesome.
Time to tell you all a secret: I actually don’t really care all that much if Nathan Paetsch gets snatched up on waivers (because he’s such a hot commodity), if it means that Mike Weber makes the roster. I LOVE Mike Weber. In spite of his awkward interviews, I still think he is the shiz. And that peanut heaven comment only made me love him more. (Since The Buffalo News is RETARDED, they don’t have archives going back that far. Maybe they didn’t want evidence of that EMBARRASSING loss to Montreal [it’s actually the one that forced us to put Little Ryan on the deck]. Or maybe they just don’t want easy access to archives. I bet it was Bucky’s idea.)
Um, why is Teppo Numminen not on the depth chart? Hmm???
Teppo Numminen (take THAT, sexy depth chart)
Last season was: spent with his chest cracked open.
This season should be: all Teppo, all the time!
I love Teppo Numminen just as much as I love Mike Weber. He’s old, but he’s a foxy type of old, like Harrison Ford. When he almost cries, it’s hilarious and endearing at the same time. (quite unlike when Ovie cries, because then I usually fall out of my chair due to my hysterics) Now that he’s all healthy, he can be more of that solid defense and veteran leadership we need. He’ll also probably give Pommer a run for his money in the captain competition.
So, I mentioned in the title of the post how Ryan Miller will probably lose an arm. I actually have a perfectly logical explanation for that. You see, my dad and I were talking earlier about the upcoming season (just like in Crunchy’s house, my dad is the hockey expert here. The only difference is that I don’t call my dad by some cutesie name. I just call him Dad). I pointed out that this will be a massively confusing season for Sabres fans. We have no players who need heart surgery. All our key players are under contract. What will we do without contract situations to stress about? Who will we talk about if no one needs a heart valve replaced?! We have NOTHING to distract us from hockey. What the HELL are we supposed to do? I’m a relatively young fan, and I’ve always had to worry in the offseason. Two years ago it was the whores formally known as Drury and Briere, last year it was Teppo and the whore formally known as Soupy, and even Crunchy! (at least, I was worried about Crunchy. I don’t know about anyone else). EVERYTHING has been going swimmingly thus far, and therefore something very bad is going to happen very soon. My money is on Crunchy losing an arm, Royzie having a majorly bad hairday, and Pommer breaking his neck. Nothing this good can last.
This is the second round of cuts in a series where I decide who will be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend
Toni, see, you’re kind of weird to look at, and your hair changes every five minutes. And you aren’t very good. I just think we would argue too much, and I don’t like arguing with my Boyfriend.
Apparently you got pretty wasted at the Catwalk for Charity last winter, so I’m worried that you might be a borderline alcoholic. Considering I’m not even a legal drinker yet, I don’t see how that would work. Sorry. Sober up, and then we’ll talk.
Hey, man, this is all me. It’s not you. See, as a rule, I loathe dislike people who go by the name Nathan. If you legally change your first name, I’d be more than happy to re-enter you in the competition. You’re still invited to join the Latin Lovers club, however, because your last name has “ae,” which is a diphthong and is also used in the first declension for genitive singular and nominative plural and I think another one that I can’t remember because it’s August . Wooohooo Latin!
Well, those are all the cuts for today! Check back in tomorrow for Round Three to find out who has what it takes to be America’s Next Top Model Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.
Several days ago, we took a look at the 20 hottest players in the NHL. Today, we will be focusing on the 20 ugliest guys in the league.
The Notties (In no particular order)
Mike Modano, Dallas Stars. Basically, this is just leftover from the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals. I actually do kinda like him for looking like Jon Heder’s clone. And that chipmunk face he made in that Stanley Cup Playoffs promo.
Thomas Vanek, Buffalo Sabres. $50 million is not attractive. Especially not for the “Vanek Attack.” It’s also not that attractive admitting on television that when you aren’t playing hockey, you are playing X-box.
Mats Sundin, Current Team Unknown. Okay, Mats. Either sign that 2 year, $20 million offer in Vancouver so that after an October game we never have to see your overrated ass again, or go to back to Sweden and never bother us again.
I refused to believe that he’s really retiring, in light of all this Brett Favre drama. But don’t think I don’t know what you did to get out of Buffalo, Dominik. Don’t think for a second that we all don’t know.
Daniel Alfredsson, Ottawa Senators. We know that your team was sucking majorly, Alfie, but that’s no excuse for firing a puck at Scott Niedermayer’s face. Getting swept in the first round by a bunch of underaged boys isn’t all that attractive, either.
Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks. There is nothing hot about greed, Soupy. There isn’t anything hot about your hair with your new ‘hawks jersey either. I hope you freeze at the Winter Classic this year.
Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins. Okay, I am fully aware that I am going to be attacked by a herd of angry Crosby fangirls. (And angry fanboys) And please understand, it’s not that I don’t like him. I do like him. Actually, I feel really bad for the kid. He has no friends.
He has no idea how to do an interview without getting an assistant coach somewhere fired. I would totally be Sidney’s friend. I really would.
All that said, I have to tell you, Sid. If you have any hope of getting off the Nottie list and onto the Hottie one, you need to stop admitting that Mario talks to you about having safe sex with girls. Very uncool.
Who are you????
Mike Comrie, New York Islanders. I am well aware that he is dating Hilary Duff. I had to wade through a whole mess of pictures of them kissing just to find this one. But sleeping with your ex-teammate’s wife is not hot. Infidelity gets you on the Nottie list, Mike.
Sean Avery, Dallas Stars. I don’t care if Marty Brodeur is fat, and I don’t care if he slept with his wife’s sister-in-law. He is still a totally badass goalie, and therefore Sean should not be waving his stick like an idiot in front of his face. No wonder Elisha Cuthbert dumped him.
Ray Emery, Russian League. I know that he technically no longer plays in the NHL, but I figured for him I could make an exception. He does drugs, fights with his teammates, and had a convicted rapist on his mask. N-O-T-T-I-E!
And that about sums it up! I was really surprised with some of the people who ended up on this list; I guess some guys were just so ugly I blocked out their names.