The Fanatical Fan

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words (#64, #65)

The NHL Awards concluded not too long ago, and while the choices for musical entertainment were a bit, uh, questionable, I highly enjoyed myself for the most part.

The NHL does this wonderful thing each year at the awards where they bring the nominees in for a photo shoot while they’re all dressed up and looking nice.  The results are usually fantastic, and the pose choices for this year were no exception.

I thought I’d start off with a picture of Alex, since, you know, he’s a ferocious badass and won three awards.  That’s actually why the last two reasons are being used up tonight.  Because, um, three awards gets you two reasons for love.  My math skills are rad.

But poor math aside, once again this was Alex’s night.  (Because, alas, Candy Corn Head could not wrestle the spotlight away from him.)  Since I’m apparently a terrible fan I never realized that his grandfather had actually passed on, so when he said that in his speech I got all choked up.  I think he did too.  Can I just say, that if he had started crying, I would have been sobbing.

When he and Malkin went up for their scoring hardware, I was highly amused when Geno congratulated him.  He turned to the right even though Alex was on the left, and when he turned back Alex shifted over.  Maybe you kind of had to be in my head, but it was hilarious up there.

Then he won the Hart trophy and did his hot stick celebration with it.  Don Cherry’s gonna be pissed.  Then he promised a Cup in DC next year.  I like a man with confidence, I really do.  I hope that’s the case next year, because I have little hope in the Sabres pulling it together that quickly.

But back to the picture.  One of the popular poses tonight was adjusting your tie, as Alex is.  He also has a cute little grin/smirk thing going on, and you can still see the red in his hair.  Maybe it’s because I’ve been mad at him for the past week and tonight made me forgive him, but I think this picture is just goofy enough to work.  And as my mother will be quick to point out, you can’t see his missing tooth.

Maybe it’s just me, but good ol’ Geno looked kinda pissed at first when Alex won.  His girlfriend also looked kind of skanky, but again, maybe it was just me.  I do, however, like this picture, although only because it’s so bad.  I think the photographer was looking for a tough, manly, crossed-arms pose, but what he got was Malkin going, “Like this?  I put arms on elbows like this?”

I’m kind of sad Kris didn’t win, even though he was up against hard competition in Mason, but this picture makes up for it.  I think the point of this pose is to put us in awe of the players’ strong build and tall bodies, but all this does is make Kris look a tad bit confused.  And a little bit angry.  I love the tie, but the hair has got to go.  Sorry, Kris (and Cari).  I just don’t think it works on you.

But I really appreciate his decision to not wear Lacoste.  I was ready to fly out there and punch him if he did.

Oh, Michael.  Michael, Michael, Michael.  There are so many things wrong with this picture, but at the same time so many things right.  It isn’t exactly a secret that I have been furious with Michael since the playoffs started, but when he showed up on that red carpet with his stupid mohawk and his smart little bowtie, my heart kind of melted.  Damn you for making me love you again, Michael.  Damn you.

I was really surprised to see Chara take home the Norris because I figured that even if Michael didn’t win, Lidstrom would.  Whatever, Michael.  You didn’t deserve the award.

However, I do think he managed to pull off a successful picture.  Unlike some players (coughMalkincough) he seemed to understand how to cross his arms, and that and the slight bend in his knee is enough to give the picture a sassy tone without being too sassy.  I also actually kind of like the facial expression.  It looks like he tweezed his eyebrows again before hitting the show.  I think he was trying to go for an alluring face.

And I’m glad his mommy could be there with him.

I consider this picture to be a win, even if the player in it didn’t do that.  He’s got the right amount of smile and the right amount of folded arm, but it’s not too in your face.  I’m also a huge fan of his suit.

And his name is Niklas Backstrom, and we all know how much I love men with that name.

In this pose, we have Mr. Parise attempting to put his hands on his hips.  While his smile definitely gets a ten (as the puckbunnies who make bumper stickers on Facebook would say, “his face was crafted by angels”), I’m not so sure about the rest of it.  It just doesn’t seem like a natural pose for Zach.  It almost comes off cute, in the “aww look at the little boy trying to pose” kind of way.  And it definitely looks awkward for him.

And then there’s Candy Corn Head.  Oh, Candy Corn Head.  I simply adore you.  I’m so happy you got to take home two trophies and I loved your speeches.  You’re such an eloquent speaker, even though your English is “short.”  (And, did you tell the rest of the Russians to inform us that their English, too, is short?  Because it seems like they all were saying it.)  There’s nothing you could do to make me stop loving you, unless you defected to Russia.  You seem like the nicest guy, and very humble.  I wish you nothing but happiness.

Speaking of defections, WHY was everybody all, “Yo, Sergei, we love you, we’re letting you present the Hart Trophy, we’re calling you a Capital.  It’s all good”?????  He is signing with Russia. That’s what he wants to do.  It was so annoying seeing him sitting there and just looking so happy when all along he was probably thinking happy thoughts about the KHL.  He is supremely annoying.

And the sad thing is, if for some reason he should end up with the Caps next year I’ll probably love him again.

But all in all, I thought the awards were fun.  TimTom was all cute for both of his awards, Jarome Iginla further convinced me that when I win the lottery and buy the Sabres I have to bring him in to be captain, and somehow Richard Zednik didn’t win the Masterton.  That was the only one that truly perplexed me.  Dude had his throat cut open and almost died last season and came back to play this season.  But whatevs.

Now we get to look forward to the draft and, more importantly, Free Agency Day!!