Scintillating Commentary.

December 18, 2009 at 11:32 pm | Posted in Buffalo Sabres, Jeff Carter, Other Teams' Back-up Goalies Kind of Suck, Randomness, Scott Hartnell, Toronto Maple Leafs, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

I’m so tired. I had six million tests today and I have forty-three million over the three days of class I have next week. One of those tests is on material we have not ever learned. None of this paragraph is an exaggeration.

I’m really glad the Sabres beat the Leafs because I’m too tired to come up with anything better to say. Toskala makes me L.O.L.

Stupid Vancouver just effing tied it up. And then Lars lost a faceoff, making it even worse. Chris Clark scored while I was in the car. Bless him, he’s shy.

If it turns out Jeff Carter really did sleep Scott Hartnell’s wife, that just might be the best gift I get this holiday season.

If I make it to the Sabres/Caps game (!!!!!!) Wednesday night it will be a Christmas miracle.

Thus ends my scintillating commentary.

Old Time Hockey!!

November 27, 2009 at 6:25 pm | Posted in Buffalo Sabres, Craig Rivet, Happy!!, Patrick Kaleta, Paul Gaustad, Philadelphia Flyers, Players, Ray Emery, Scott Hartnell, Tim Connolly, Tim Kennedy, Tyler Ennis, Tyler Myers, What Is Up With All These Injuries?, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

First I was happy when the Sabres scored the first goal.  Then I was concerned when the Flyers scored two quick ones (Dear Sabres, Work on actually playing for twenty full minutes, not nineteen and a half.  With Love, Frostee).  Then I was cautiously optimistic when they came back, and then I was happy again when they won 4-2.  When you start and end happy, consider it a good game.

Score aside, that was one big chippy chipfest.  Wow.  So much fighting and hitting and players writhing on the ice in pain and me having mini panic attacks.  All in all, I think the Sabres alone ended up with 13 3 casualties?  Patty getting kicked out, Goosie hurting one leg and Craigory hurting two?  Then there was Tyler Myers, but thank the merciful and great hockey gods, he came back.

Both Paul and Craig’s injuries looked serious.  The Sabres will miss having their captain around, but Paul Gaustad has been one of the best players for the team aside from Ryan Miller.  They’re going to miss him a lot.

Mayhaps we can call up Tyler Ennis?  If he’s not too busy with other things?

Tim Connolly had a spectacular night afternoon.  Good on ya for finally doing something, Timothy.

Mike Richards is the slimiest of all the slimeballs in the land, and I don’t like him.  He’s so dirty, and he’ll always get away with it because he’s Mike Richards (cue Pierre McGuire).  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Patty got suspended for his hit, but no one’s going to do anything about Richards.

Ray Emery is not a very good goalie.  I don’t know why everyone kept thinking he’s the reason the team could actually make a deep run this season.

Killing off all the power players against the best power play in the league was pretty spiffy, boys.  Good work.

Stupid Scott Hartnell felt the need to pick on Timmy K, aka someone half his size.  Keep it classy, Scott.

I don’t like Philadelphia.  This win was very satisfying.

It was also an important win to get, because I’m already nervous about tomorrow night and to go into a game against Carolina with a five game losing streak is a recipe for disaster.

Sabres, please don’t completely embarrass yourselves at home against the Hurricanes.  That would be tragic.


April 20, 2009 at 3:48 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Anaheim Ducks, San Jose Sharks, Scott Hartnell | 1 Comment

Dear Anaheim Ducks,

I really appreciate you winning the first two games of your series to take a 2-0 lead in the series.  Not only does this mean I was right in believing in you and believing that you can win, it also means that when the Caps get knocked out by the Rangers, it won’t be the biggest first round upset.  Thank you.  It means a lot that you would consider my feelings in this way.

With Love,


Dear San Jose Sharks,

Ha.  Ha.  Ha.  


With Love,


Dear High School Teachers Everywhere,

Yo, if you don’t want your students to go batshit crazy, I recommend you stop telling them that all these stupid projects and ridiculous workloads are “preparing us for college.”  Assigning four projects and one test within a two day period in ONE CLASS is not preparing me for college, because in college I don’t sit in school seven hours a day, five days a week.  Get over yourselves, it’s not like your classes are going to help us out in the “real world.”

With Love,


Dear Alex,

You are one lucky son of a bitch.  Thanks to my grandmother coming over yesterday and wanting to hear all about you, I am now no longer mad at you.  See?  Grandma’s just that good.  She got me not hating you again, and it’s really bugging me.  

Also, the ESPN show dedicated to you that you’ve been promising us for months doesn’t hurt.  Tomorrow night, 7 p.m., folks!

With Love,


P.S.  What’s up with this whole “BenchGate” thing?  You were really just trying to piss Torts off?  Whatever.  Win tonight, and all is forgiven.

Dear Scott Hartnell,

So, I was flipping over to Day In The Life last night, and, um, would you mind trying a little harder to be a tad less charming?  You kind of seemed like a nice guy, and it’s making it very difficult to dislike you.  Also, stop playing with your cats.  It’s adorable.  It must end.

With Love,


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