I Have Some Shame.

June 10, 2010 at 4:53 pm | Posted in Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks, Hockey Gods, Jonathan Toews, Marian Hossa, Other Teams' Back-up Goalies Kind of Suck, Patrick Kane, Philadelphia Flyers, Players | 2 Comments

Over the past few years I’ve come up with a rule for myself. After my favorite teams are eliminated, I don’t wear their apparel until the playoffs are over. I just don’t want to be that guy in the Sabres shirt in the middle of the conference finals, you know? This usually is highly inconvenient, because my weekend attire when I’m hanging around the house is quite frequently a hockey shirt. This year was particularly rough because all of my hockey shirts except one got knocked out in the first round. Now that Stanley has been awarded and I’ve spent the day out and about and sitting finals in a Toews shirt, I can go back to lounging around in my Backstrom shirt. (And thank the hockey gods for that, because it’s the most comfortable tshirt I own)

So, congratulations to the Blackhawks for winning. It’s all quite exciting and it was only a matter of time. I’m of the opinion that they should just not carve Hossa’s name on the Cup to piss him off. I’m also a little sick seeing Campbell and Huet get it, but like the case of swine flu I had last June, it’ll pass eventually. It kind of felt like a now-or-never situation for Chicago since their cap is a mess, and I like enough Hawks fans to be the bigger person and congratulate them. We’ll get Stanley next year! (I hope)

In regards to my prediction, I personally believe that I had a pretty good chance of being right. Philadelphia managed to keep it close in several games and looked great in the games they won. Kane’s goal was a fluke and if Leighton wasn’t so bad he might not have even scored it. So whatever. I have no regrets.

But seriously, guys, it makes for a nice story and all, but sometimes waivers goalies AREN’T the answer.

What’s That?

May 20, 2009 at 8:43 pm | Posted in Brian Campbell, Randomness | Leave a comment

It was Soupy’s turnover that led to Detroit’s overtime-winning goal?  He just handed the puck over and then wiped out?  Soupy?  Brian Campbell?

Aw, Soup.  I knew there was a reason I didn’t want you in Buffalo anymore.

That’s IT?!?!

March 4, 2009 at 3:34 pm | Posted in Ales Kotalik, Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres, Contracts, Dominic Moore, Huh?, Marian Hossa, Maxim Afinogenov, Mikael Tellqvist, Players, Ryan Miller, This Irks Me, Thought-provoking Stuff, Tim Connolly, Tim Connolly must be made of toothpicks and chewing gum, Trading Madness! | 2 Comments

(Updates at bottom!)

I carry a backpack to school.  It’s a Vera Bradley one and has owls on it and I like it very much.  The only problem with this bag is that I can’t easily keep it on my lap and text in school.  Now, I normally don’t text in school anyway, but today I made an exception.  So, while risking life and limb, I repeatedly checked my phone today, each time holding my breath as I waited for the big deal, aaaaaaannnnnnnndddddd……..

Not much happened from the Sabres’ point of view.  Yes, re-signing Timmy was huge.  He may be a walking, talking STD, but he’s still a hell of a hockey player when he’s healthy.  Therein lies the problem, however.  Timmy’s a great guy to have on your team when he’s healthy.  The length of the deal – 2 years – makes sense when you take his injury history into account, but the amount is crazy.  $9 million?  What happened to a hometown discount?  That’s $4.5 a year.  I started to realize as the day progressed that if Timmy got traded I would be sad, but I’m still not sure about the amount.  It just seems like an awful lot for a guy who can’t be counted on to play a full season.  

The only trade the Sabres made was sending a 4th round pick to Phoenix for Mikael Tellqvist.  My first reaction was to freak out when I saw they got a goalie (because when you’ve got your head stuck in your bag thirty seconds before the bell rings and the teacher is standing right in front of you the only thing you’re thinking about is to not get caught) but once I straightened up I figured this just means Enroth’s going back to Portland.  This also might just mean that Ryan Miller is out for the season.  *sniffles*

I’m not going to go through each and every deal that was made because other places have already done it well.  One thing I did notice, however, was that Calgary seemed to be pretty active.  They certainly seem to want to go deep in the playoffs this year.  The Chris Neil to Florida deal is pretty interesting too (if it actually happens.  Now Ottawa’s denying it?) because the Panthers don’t exactly have a player to fill that type of role.  I’m not yet sure if I’ll miss having him up in Ottawa to hate.

There might be a few more deals coming through that were made just before the deadline, but it looks like the Trade Deadline has passed.  It doesn’t seem to be as crazy as last year’s.  I specifically remember my jaw dropping at several of the deals, most notably the Huet to Washington and the Hossa to Pittsburgh (and I hope Hossa’s okay.  I may not like him but I never like seeing players getting taken off the ice on stretchers.  Ouch.) and, of course, the Soupy deal.  I even remember exactly where I was when I heard about the deal.  I was taking a test on the American Revolution when one teacher came in and told my teacher that Soupy was gone for a player that was “Thomas Vanek with an attitude.”  I loved Big Bear, but I’m not sure if I would call him Vanek with ‘tude. 

So the craziness of Deadline Day has passed.  The Sabres got another backup goalie and signed Timmy but didn’t really do anything about all the dead weight on this roster.  It’s almost a bit anti-climactic that after all our speculation the Sabres only dumped a draft pick.  I REALLY wanted to say goodbye to Max today.

And now the Sabres play the Canadiens tonight.  I’m kind of scared.

P.S.  I’m NOT thinking about Alex limping off the ice.

UPDATE:  It would appear as though the Sabres just acquired Dominic Moore.  Huh.  Interesting.

UPDATE #2:  The Sabres sent Kotalik to Edmonton.  I am surprisingly devastated about this.  Who’s going to be my Trendy Euro Sabre now?

More Ramblings: Bitch Fight Style

January 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Brian Campbell, Chris Butler, Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sidney Crosby, Washington Capitals | 1 Comment
  • I HATE JAPAN.  Damn you, Japan, for being so confusing.  Damn you.
  • Rawr.  I’m going to be honest with you, Dear Readers.  I really, really want the claws to come out tonight.  I want Semin to start playing the Sidney Bongos and I want Alex and Evgeni to fight.  And I want it to be a REAL fight, none of that “let’s hug and skate in circles until the referees pull us apart” bullshit.
  • Last night’s Caps game?  Yucky.  Last night’s Pens game?  Yuckier.  But I have faith in the Caps tonight.  I’m going to study before the game, and I’m going to wear my jersey.  And even the Pens’ most faithful are getting worried.  In the immortal words of my friend Erin, who is hands-down the biggest Sidney/Penguins fan you’ll ever meet: “Yeah, well, the Penguins are going down the shitter.”
  • Ew.  Brian Campbell.  I am not looking forward to this matchup at all.  I was really pissed when he decided to sign there, because Chicago was going to be my Western Conference team.  I was going to be able to openly root for Pkane and Jonathan “Toes” Toews, but now I can’t.  Every year around my birthday I’ll remember about the time Soupy got traded because he didn’t want to stay in Buffalo.  
  • Um, okay, in this video at the 1:50 mark, is that someone in the background sneezing or shouting in Russian?  Because as we all know, thanks to my French homework, je ne comprends pas le russe ou le vietnamien.  (Dear Cameraman,  Those close-ups on his eyes?  Fabulous idea.  With Love,  Frostee)
  • Okay everybody.  Pray that tomorrow drops to twenty below, with the wind chill.  That’s the only way school will be canceled, which would be spectacular since a) I have swimming tomorrow and b) I have like eight kajillion projects that need to be done.
  • Clare is trying to sell me on 8:30 games.  We’ll see how it goes the next two nights.
  • Why is Chris Butler sitting?  WHY?!?!?!?!

Tuesday Ramblings: Super-Fast Edition

January 13, 2009 at 3:57 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, All Star Game, Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks, Chris Clark, Patrick Kane, Patrick Lalime, Randomness, Ryan Miller | 2 Comments
  • I have decided that since I spent an hour after school reviewing with my teacher and a bunch of other fabulous gals who decided to stop by, that’s one less hour I have to study tonight.  
  • How amused was I when I heard Phil Kessel was placed on IR because he has mono?  Very.  Frostee:  “Who do you think he was kissing?”  Frostee’s Dad:  “Milan Lucic.”
  • Heh.  Apparently Alex is telling the opposition to bring it come Super Skills Saturday.  Excellent.
  • Today in the paper I couldn’t decide if that bit about Ryan Miller and Soupy was supposed to convey his love for his lost friend, or the fact that the spin-o-rama needs to be benched.  I sincerely doubt the Soupster would ever be able to let go of it, so I hope Lala’s up to the task.  (FYI, I do not like Brian Campbell.  I didn’t like him towards the end of his stay in Buffalo either, so it’s not just because he signed elsewhere.  Maybe it’s because he’s NOT THAT GOOD of a DEFENSIVE defenseman, or maybe it’s just because he decided to bail on Buffalo approximately two days before my birthday.  Harsh, Soupy.  Harsh.)
  • Stupid NHL for scheduling the stupid game at 8:30 tomorrow night.  We were all complaining about that today.  Um, after about ten on school nights I’m totally dead to the world, and if I manage to stay up much later I’m usually a cranky little bitch the next morning.  So guess who won’t be able to see the end of the Chicago or the Dallas game?  Me, along with all the hockey fans I was talking to after school.
  • OMG did I mention how tomorrow they are playing Pkane?!?!?!
  • Did I also mention that tomorrow night Alex and his boyz are TAKING DOWN the Pens?  I didn’t?  Well, I did now!
  • Ridiculous trade rumor Frostee just decided to endorse: Vinny to Buffalo for Timmy and Max.
  • High school teachers are greedy.  I do not have the time to just sit and reread ten chapters from Great Expections tonight.  It’s not gonna happen.
  • Twihard started a blog…go check it out.  It’s not about hockey, but she’s doing her darnedest to teach her Dear Readers about the sport.  (Twi, it’s still not letting me comment.  Hrmph.)
  • Captains is featuring Chris Clark on the NHL Network on Thursday at eight…set your DVRs.

Super Saturday: The Morning After

October 26, 2008 at 9:55 am | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Brian Campbell, John-Michael Liles, Jonathan Toews, Losing Sucks, Other Teams' Back-up Goalies Kind of Suck, Patrick Kane, Ryan Miller, Sidney Crosby, Twins Named Lundqvist, What Is Up With All These Injuries?, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

(Just in case you were wondering, we did end up getting the Flyers/Devils game.  It kicked on about thirty seconds before puck drop)

  • I seriously have a hockey hangover.  It might not be as bad as the one I had after the Great Playoff Binge of ’08 (last spring, while my parents were at Shea’s seeing Jeff Dunham and my brother was spending the night at a friend’s, I literally watched hockey from seven at night till two in the morning.  It was ridiculous), but it’s still there.  Last night was intense.  
  • I have decided to file this post under every category I have that’s related to games, because I figured with all 30 teams playing last night, it would apply somewhere.
  • Everybody keeps talking about how the Sabres lost 2-1 in the shootout last night, but I’m not sure where they’re getting that from.  Uh, Fans of Buffalo?  The Sabres won 1-0.  Crunchy even got a shutout!  (He was so obviously interfered with on that goal.  Smyth lifted his stick right off the ground!)
  • Um, who didn’t love that JM Liles interview?  His smile is intense.
  • Caps won!  Woo!!  Less than a week till I see Ovie!!  But my parents decided to be totally mean and when they showed him sitting on the bench at the start of the game, and my dad announced that “He really is hideous.”  But then he almost redeemed himself later, when after we learned that Ovie had fetched the puck for Fedorov after his goal, Dad decided that when he gave Sergei the puck he probably told him “Enjoy it, ’cause that puck is going to be mine pretty soon.”
  • My mom thinks we are obnoxious when we watch hockey.  She has no idea.
  • Colorado must have a terrible penalty kill if they’re 39th in a league with 30 teams.
  • Did anyone else catch when the announcers at the Detroit/Chicago game mentioned how great the tandem of KOEWS and TANE are?  It was like earlier yesterday when I was talking about The Office and said something about “Pim and Jam.”
  • When Brian Campbell did a spin-o-rama, I wanted to puke.
  • We decided that we’re going to have to agree with the fans at the Rangers/Penguins game that Crosby does, in fact, suck.  So do the Penguins.
  • Henrik Lundqvist does not suck.  Neither does Joel.  *swoons*
  • Philly fans are terrible.  Would any other fans in the world throw a stink bomb/flare thing on the ice?  I didn’t think so.
  • Montreal lost in regulation.  Ha!
  • We actually did get Hockey Night in Canada at the Montreal feed, and were treated to Don Cherry.  His blazer kind of gave me a headache.
  • We have decided that Comcast is terrible at broadcasting sports.  We kept trying to count the guys on the ice to see if anyone had a power play.
  • I’m not a huge fan of the Winter Classic jerseys. But I love the looks on Koews and Tane Toews and Kane’s faces when they’re modeling them.

Ovie Scored, Caps Win! (But I Totally Still Love You, Pkane) (#38)

October 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, Bills, Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks, Happy!!, Patrick Kane, Tim Connolly, Toni Lydman, Washington Capitals | 1 Comment

So, the Capitals won last night.  Yay!  I’m glad they beat the Blackhawks.  I wanted them to.

My boy scored two goals, and I celebrated by hanging the president picture (from inside the magazine.  The one on the cover still gives me nightmares) on The Wall.  It’s kind of hilarious that Alex is up there looking all serious right next to the picture of Paetsch and Mair modeling clothes.  At least, it is to me.

Note to Pkane:  Hey, man, sorry you got the loss.  It sucks, I know, but we’ve talked about this.  I will root for your personal succcess fo-evah, but I can not root for a team with Brian Campbell on it.  I can’t!

Speaking of Brian Campbell:

After Bradley’s goal pulled Washington within 2-1, Ovechkin tied it about 5 minutes into the second period, gathering the puck back near Washington’s blue line, then moving in and using retreating Chicago defenseman Brian Campbell to essentially screen goalie Nikolai Khabibulin .

Ovechkin shot around Campbell and past Khabibulin, then skated toward a corner and jumped into the glass, slamming his gloves.

Sucks for you, Blackhawks.


I didn’t mention it yesterday because I had been too busy freaking out during the game to tell who it was, but I can now award oodles of warm fuzzies to Toni Lydman.  Toni and I may have our differences, but he totally saved Crunchy’s ass Friday night.  Thanks, Toni.

Now that I think about it, I don’t recall reading about Tim Connolly being shipped off to some happy place in the paper this morning.  What’s up with that, Darcy?  I kind of thought he’d be gone by now…


Dear Readers, you wouldn’t happen to know what Robert Mugabe’s thoughts on the slave trade are, would you?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

P.S.  I’m actually not that cranky since I passed out around three.  But I’m angry that there are no Bills/Sabres today.  I need to make sure that the Bills will win, and now that hockey’s back and the Sabres are like the best team in the league (see what one win can do to a hungry fan?  that win has made me crazy.), I really want to watch them.  I can’t wait until tomorrow afternoon!  That’s, like, 24 whole hours!!!

P.P.S.  Since I will most likely be working on my “Kaffir Boy” book project (if you haven’t read “Kaffir Boy,” go read it right now.  It is amazing.), I’ll try to update after every period or something tomorrow.  We’ll see how the book project-ing goes.

My (Male) Teacher is a Puckbunny, Talkin’ Defenders, and Ryan Miller’s Arm Will Get Cut Off

September 19, 2008 at 4:55 pm | Posted in Andrej Sekera, Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres, Chris Drury, Craig Rivet, Daniel Briere, Derek Roy, Frostee Does Predictions!, Henrik Tallinder, Huh?, Jaroslav Spacek, Jason Pominville, Mike Weber, Nathan Paetsch, Ryan Miller, Teppo Numminen, Toni Lydman | 2 Comments

Today in math, quite a few of the kids were wearing Sabres gear (including myself) in honor of the start of training camp, and my teacher jokingly asked one kid if he wanted to buy a Drury jersey.  Naturally, the boy recoiled in disgust, and Mr. Senn promised that he was just joking.  He then went on to say, and I quote, “Nah, I’m just going to take off the three and put on a nine and turn it into a Pominville jersey.”  I know.  My married, male, football coach math teacher is planning on wearing a Pominville jersey to games.  WTF?


When I opened up the depth chart today online, I realized that I don’t pay one bit of attention to defenders on the ice, unless his name is Toni Lydman and he sucks.  Therefore, this analysis is not going to be very good, and I promise that I will pay more attention this year.  (This might be because I haven’t seen Sabres hockey since freaking MARCH.  That is TOO LONG)

Henrik Tallinder

Last season was: AWESOME when he faked out Marty, but otherwise a bit frustrating.

This season should be: solid defense.

I will admit, I can not get too mad at Henrik after the shootout against New Jersey.  Honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite as badassed as that in a very long time.  But he needs to learn how to defend the freaking goalie the rest of the time.  I vaguely remember being mad at him for not doing that.  

Jaroslav Spacek

Last season was: ….. (how the fuck am I supposed to do that?  I can not remember ANYTHING from last season other than hating losing.  Not making the playoffs is not good for me.  Jaro, tell me, what did you do last year?  I remember you scoring the first goal of the season, but I also remember the Sabres losing that game.  WHAT DID YOU DO?!!?)

This season should be:  solid defense.

Just…don’t leave Crunchy alone.  I get that he sucked out loud most of the time last season, but sometimes it was because YOU and YOUR FELLOW DEFENDERS were not doing their JOB.  

Toni Lydman

Last season was: sucky.

This season should be:  solid defense.  (see a theme?)

Toni Lydman does not know how to play defense.  I lost all faith in him last year, and he better be AMAZING in the first game this year, because that’s all I’m giving him.  Three periods to prove me wrong.

Craig Rivet

Last season was: spent in San Jose.

This season should be:  solid defense, and veteran leadership.

I tacked on the veteran leadership for him because that’s supposedly why we got him.  God knows we need some more on-ice leadership.  We also need some solid defense.  Craig, you better DELIVER.

Nathan Paetsch

Last season was:  ehh

This season should be:  I’m not really sure.

Nathan Paetsch is another one of those guys I don’t really care about.  I also know that if Mike Weber was to replace him on the roster then he would have to clear waivers before he could go to Rochester Portland, and everyone keeps talking about how we can’t risk that, but are they serious?  Because, from what I can remember, (fuck you, Sabres, for not making the playoffs.  I have enough to remember without having to remember how NATHAN PAETSCH, of all people, played last year), losing him doesn’t seem like it would be SUCH a travesty.  But maybe that’s just my opinion.

Andrej Sekera

Last season was: totally awesome.

This season should be:  totally awesome.

After showing just how awesome he is during the end of last season, Andrej Sekera is most definitely feeling the love.  I have complete confidence in him.  I’m not worried at all.

Mike Weber

Last season was:  also pretty awesome.

This season should be:  pretty awesome.

Time to tell you all a secret:  I actually don’t really care all that much if Nathan Paetsch gets snatched up on waivers (because he’s such a hot commodity), if it means that Mike Weber makes the roster.  I LOVE Mike Weber.  In spite of his awkward interviews, I still think he is the shiz.  And that peanut heaven comment only made me love him more.  (Since The Buffalo News is RETARDED, they don’t have archives going back that far.  Maybe they didn’t want evidence of that EMBARRASSING loss to Montreal [it’s actually the one that forced us to put Little Ryan on the deck].  Or maybe they just don’t want easy access to archives.  I bet it was Bucky’s idea.)

Um, why is Teppo Numminen not on the depth chart?  Hmm???  

Teppo Numminen (take THAT, sexy depth chart)

Last season was: spent with his chest cracked open.

This season should be:  all Teppo, all the time!

I love Teppo Numminen just as much as I love Mike Weber.  He’s old, but he’s a foxy type of old, like Harrison Ford.  When he almost cries, it’s hilarious and endearing at the same time.  (quite unlike when Ovie cries, because then I usually fall out of my chair due to my hysterics)  Now that he’s all healthy, he can be more of that solid defense and veteran leadership we need.  He’ll also probably give Pommer a run for his money in the captain competition.


So, I mentioned in the title of the post how Ryan Miller will probably lose an arm.  I actually have a perfectly logical explanation for that.  You see, my dad and I were talking earlier about the upcoming season (just like in Crunchy’s house, my dad is the hockey expert here.  The only difference is that I don’t call my  dad by some cutesie name.  I just call him Dad).  I pointed out that this will be a massively confusing season for Sabres fans.  We have no players who need heart surgery.  All our key players are under contract.  What will we do without contract situations to stress about?  Who will we talk about if no one needs a heart valve replaced?!  We have NOTHING to distract us from hockey.  What the HELL are we supposed to do?  I’m a relatively young fan, and I’ve always had to worry in the offseason.  Two years ago it was the whores formally known as Drury and Briere, last year it was Teppo and the whore formally known as Soupy, and even Crunchy!  (at least, I was worried about Crunchy.  I don’t know about anyone else).  EVERYTHING has been going swimmingly thus far, and therefore something very bad is going to happen very soon.  My money is on Crunchy losing an arm, Royzie having a majorly bad hairday, and Pommer breaking his neck.  Nothing this good can last.  


Open Letter to the Sabres Calender Makers

August 5, 2008 at 11:13 am | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres | 1 Comment

Dear Sabres Calendar Makers,

Are you guys retards or something?  I mean, come on.  It was bad enough seeing Soupy in May, but in August too?  Are you telling me you couldn’t find 12 different guys to represent the 12 months?  I really didn’t think it would be that hard.  I was hoping for a dedicated Sabre, one who isn’t making way too much money with a team I used to like, but all I got was this when I flipped to August:




After staring at the ugliness for about three minutes, it became apparent that I would have to take calendar matters into my own hands.  Therefore, I replaced Soupy’s head with the head of everyone’s favorite honorary Sabre.  Sorry the picture is crappy, my calender is high up.


Ovie looks hot in blue and gold

Ovie looks hot in blue and gold

Perhaps in 13 years, this will be something we see 82 nights a year.  One can only hope.

Best of luck next year,


“Are You Crazy, Crunchy?”

July 20, 2008 at 1:01 am | Posted in Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres, Chicago Blackhawks, Chris Drury, Daniel Briere, Ryan Miller | 2 Comments

Scene: Ryan Miller is in Chicago, visiting his girlfriend.  As he is walking down the street, he notices Brian Campbell, who is apartment hunting.  The two greet each other awkwardly.

Crunchy: Hey, Soupy.  What’s up?

Soupy:  (looking around uncomfortably) Oh, uh, hi Ryan.  I’m just, uh, apartment hunting.

Crunchy:  (frowning)  Why are you looking for apartments?

Soupy:  (looking pained)  Well, I, uh, well, I (whispering) I signed a contract with Chicago.

Crunchy:  (jaw drops and asks in disbelief)  You signed with…Chicago?

Soupy:  (wincing)  You know how it is, Ryan!  It’s just business!  Chicago offered me a lot of money, and, well…oh, you’ll just see next summer.

Crunchy:  What do you mean I’ll see next summer?

Soupy:  This is the last year of your contract!  Next summer you’ll be a free agent, and you’ll get to test the market!  And then, when you sign with Detroit, we’ll get to be rivals!  (face lights up at the prospect of being rivals)  It’ll be so cool, Ryan!

Crunchy:  (shaking head gently)  No, Soupy.  It won’t be like that.

Soupy:  (face falls)  What do you mean, Ryan?

Crunchy:  I just signed a 5-year extension with Buffalo.  I’m staying with the Sabres.

Soupy:  (looking shocked)  Are you crazy, Crunchy??  I can’t believe you would do that!  After everything that happened with Dru and Danny last summer, you stayed?  You’re completely crazy!!

Crunchy:  (narrows eyes)  Um, no, I’m not crazy.  And don’t talk to me about those whores. The Sabres have really turned things around.  They signed Goose and Pie, and I’m sure they’ll get Pommer locked up soon.  It’s different, Soupy.  Things have changed

Soupy:  (angrily)  Don’t say that about Danny and Dru.  They’re great guys.  We have a lot in common, and you calling them whores is like calling me a whore.

Crunchy:  (makes “no shit” face)

Soupy:  (gasps)  You think I’m a whore!!  I can’t believe it!  After all we’ve done together!  (voice breaks)  What about at the all-star game two years ago?  What about when you told me you loved me?

Crunchy:  (rolls eyes)  Get over it, Soupy.  That was two years ago!  I’ve moved on, and you need to do the same.  Goose and I just got back from our European vacation.  We’re both really happy and we’re staying put in Buffalo.  Go find a new friend.

Soupy:  (wiping tears)  I can’t believe you moved on, Ryan.  I just thought…I just…

Crunchy:  (raises whompy eyebrow)  What did you think, Brian?  Did you think you could get traded to San Jose and then be a whore and sign for way too much in Chicago, and that we would all rush to Detroit to be your cutesie little rivals?  No way, man.  

Soupy:  (sighs sadly)  Everyone is really signing longterm in Buffalo?

Crunchy:  (nods)

Soupy:  But…I thought everyone was leaving!  That’s why I didn’t stay!!  That’s why I didn’t sign a 5/25 deal!

Crunchy:  Soupy, that 5/25 deal is shit.  It doesn’t even exist.  And Buffalo is glad you’re gone.  Your contract negotiations were making you play shitty.  We needed a solid defenseman, but you didn’t give us that.  We’re glad to see you go.  And we hope you freeze at the Winter Classic next year.

Soupy:  I totally forgot about that!  I’m gonna freeze my ass off at the fucking Winter Classic!

Crunchy:  (shrugs)  Well, that’s your choice.  I’ve gotta go, Soupy.  Best of luck in Chicago.  Maybe you’ll even make the playoffs this year.

Crunchy starts walking down the street.  Soupy hesitates before running to catch up with him.

Soupy:  Ryan, wait!

Crunchy:  (impatiently)  What do you want?

Soupy:  (suddenly uncomfortable again)  Did it matter, Ryan?

Crunchy:  (shrugging again)  It’s in the past, Brian.  

Soupy:  (giving Crunchy pleading look)  But it still mattered, right?  What we had…it counted for something?

Crunchy:  Yes, I guess it did matter.

Soupy reaches forward and embraces Crunchy.

Crunchy:  But it was in the past, Soupy, so leave me the fuck alone.

Crunchy walks down street.  Sabredance is faintly heard as Soupy turns around sadly and walks in the other direction.


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