The last time the Caps played the Leafs, it was embarrassing for the Caps. This time when the Caps played the Leafs, it was still embarrassing…but for the Leafs. I know I’ve been saying it a lot lately (because for the most part, the teams I like have really been spoiling me), but that game was SO MUCH FUN. I’ve just been having so much fun watching hockey lately and the hockey has been so much fun to watch and I love hockey.
Theo played very well. I’m quite proud of him. Alex also played a great game. It’s probably one of the best games I’ve seen him play all year. It seems sort of like he’s evolving into a passer while Lars is evolving into a shooter. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I like when Alex scores insane amounts of goals.
I still think Brooks should have gotten the C (yeah, I know, I need to get over that), but Alex has grown on me as captain. I just can’t help it. Sorry.
Mike Knuble is totes awesome. Love him. Awesome pickup, GMGM. Now that his finger appears to be healed, he’s once again been doing exactly what the Caps need him to.
Confession: I have a crush on Tomas Fleischmann. He’s been really good this year and his impression of Jim Carey in “Dumb and Dumber” cracks me up to the point where I do it every time he scores. You go, Flash. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
I get the feeling Ron Wilson hates his team. A lot. I certainly don’t blame him, but it must really suck having to coach them every day. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of playing against Vesa Toskala.
I still don’t like Jason Chimera.
The Sabres are on Long Island tonight. Ricky is in net for the Islanders. I hope Buffalo puts up eight on him.
Just for the record, I’m trying really, really hard to be upset about last night’s game. It’s kind of hard.
- The majority of the first period was rather boring. It was just back and forth, back and forth, with Frostee occasionally shrieking, “ALEX!! GOOOO!!!!! SKATE!!!!!”
- Andrej Sekera is officially in my mother’s doghouse. She was less than pleased with his performance last night and announced about halfway through the second period, “I don’t think Andrej Sekera is a very good hockey player.”
- I really don’t like Harry Neale, but I loved him last night for all his, “Alex Ovechkin is spectacular. Alex Ovechkin is the best player in the league.”
- Ha. I LOVE Crunchy’s skull caps.
- I am very worried for Thomas Vanek. I mean, first they had to DRAG HIM OFF THE ICE, and then all the sudden he was back and skating on one leg, and then he scored. Is he becoming the Tiger Woods of hockey?
- I was kind of looking forward to a Petey/Brashear fight, but I guess that’s not going to happen.
- My jersey is huge. I love it, but it is ridiculously large. I will be able to wear it for the rest of my life. (Dear Washington Caps, If you change the logo again, we’re going to have some serious problems. With Love, Frostee)
- I really enjoy hearing RJ get all pissy about the guys who do the sirens after goals are scored. It’s amusing to listen to him talk about how they need to learn to shut the things off when goals are disallowed.
- Am I the only one who found it incredibly ironic that Max finally scored a goal when he was jumping in the air to try and avoid getting hit? He’s such a bad player.
- Lala looked pretty darn good last night. It’s too bad the rest of the team sucks.
- When I went upstairs last night, I had to put Mini Alex and Little Ryan on opposite sides of the room. Little Ryan was giving Mini Alex the death glare and I got worried since they’re on a higher shelf and it’s a long fall to the ground.
- Um, my secret boyfriend is back in the lineup, and I’m assuming he’ll be playing on Tuesday. Uh-oh.
- Jason Pominville really needs to step it up. I feel kind of bad getting mad at him since he’s the nicest, most adorable guy on the team, but this is getting ridiculous. I really need him to just score a freaking goal.
- Ditto for Jochen. He needs to start winning face-offs.
- The Sabres’ plane is kind of awesome.
- That goal Mr. Ovechkin scored? Fabulous. He just skated right through Tallinder (or Lydman, as Harry Neale likes to call him) and then he fell over and still scored. Please, enjoy his post-game interview. I would kill for one of those hardhats. I would wear it everywhere.
- Islanders tonight. Pretty Ricky is back in the lineup and they finally won against the Leafs last night. The Sabres kind of need a win, since I have absolutely no faith in them winning on Tuesday.
Dear Readers, I’ve finally gotten my ridiculously confusing (and entirely fictional) love life straight. It’ll probably only last for a few days, but at least for now I know where my heart belongs.
We all know that Ryan Miller is my Sabres Boyfriend, and I can’t see that changing any time soon. Just in case you don’t think he’s a very good choice, I’ll share with you all the hilarious kickass statistics page on NHL.com. I was a little worried at first, entrusting my blue and gold heart to Crunchy with memories of last year still flashing before my eyes, but I’m not worried anymore. I know that Crunchy is back to his ol’ reliable self, and I no longer feel ashamed in admitting that he is my favorite Sabre.
If you haven’t figured out by now that I spend my free-time indulging in wildly inappropriate fantasies about Mr. Ovechkin, we have some big problems. Alex is now, and forever shall be, my favorite hockey player.
Patrick Kane is my homeboy. He is the adorable B-lo Boy that I wholeheartedly love and find outrageously adorable. (How could you not find it adorable when a guy declares that he is “more of a lover than a hater”!?!?! HOW?) If he walked into the kitchen right now and pulled out the Tiffany’s box with the ring I picked out, I would say yes.
Sidney Crosby is the guy I would be really mean to until I had to work with him on a school project and realized that underneath that dorky, zit-covered facade, he’s actually a very sweet boy trying to find his place in the world. Then he and I would become BFFs and he would set me up with all his hot co-workers.
There’s a list of other players in the NHL I would absolutely have no-strings-attached one night stands with, but since it’s a rather long list, I won’t write it all out here. But near the top of the list are the Lundqvist twins, Rick DiPietro, Henrik Zetterberg, and Evgeni Malkin. (I know, right?! How the hell did Geno end up on that list??)
That brings us to my new friend. Dear Readers, this is Thomas. Thomas, these are the Dear Readers. See, Thomas? I told you they were nice! I told you that now that you’re good, they wouldn’t be mean to you!
Friday night, Thomas Vanek was on the aforementioned list. Meeting him in a hotel room was about all I could handle. Monday afternoon, I probably would have met him for lunch a week later. Now? We would go to the movies with a big group of people and have a great time, and then get ice cream. I would tease him about girls (no, wait, make that girl. I would tease him about his wife) and he would set me up with his friends but then be all protective about me and threaten them if they weren’t nice to me. We’ll have dinner at my parents’ house but they’ll think it’s no big deal, since they’ve seen The Wall. It’ll be like an episode of My Boys, minus the weird sexual tension between Bobby and PJ.
If after reading all this you still don’t think Thomas is a good friend for me, refer to the stat page that I linked to above. That’ll solve all your problems.
It’s kind of nice to have all this relationship angst figured out. Every other day I get told that I love way too many guys, so at least for now I know where everyone belongs in my heart.
In other news, a hockey league in these parts will be getting a Dallas Stars Zamboni! (without the Stars logos, of course.) Thanks to Sabres Fan for the article!
Let’s see, now I know there was something else I wanted to mention. Hmm. Was it Savard getting fired? No, no, that wasn’t it. Was it Goose skating? No, that’s not it either. Hrmph. What was it?
Oh, wait. I remember.
THE SABRES KICKED THE RANGERS’ SCRAWNY, “DEFENSIVE-MINDED” ASSES LAST NIGHT AND NOW THEY’RE THE ONLY PERFECT TEAM IN THE EAST AND NOT ONLY ARE THEY GONNA GO 82-0, THEY WILL ALSO WIN THE STANLEY CUP. AND ALL THOSE NON-BELIEVERS OUT THERE CAN STICK IT IN THEIR JUICE BOXES AND SUCK IT.
Ah. I knew there was something else I wanted to mention.
Um, I really don’t like afternoon hockey games. They really bug me. I like hockey games on nights when I don’t have school the next day. I like curling up on the coach in my pajamas, not sitting at the desk trying to do homework and crane my neck at the TV at the same time.
Ah, Kevin Sylvester. How I have missed you. The pregame show is on, and I am loving the messy-haired Crunchy interview. I have this weird love of players with messy, sweaty, post-game hair. I find it adorable.
Lalime is getting his start this afternoon. I’m not sure if I should be worried or not. He was pretty solid in the preseason. I’m also not sure if I want Rick to play or not. I wouldn’t mind getting Mr. Back-up if it meant getting to see Ricky without his helmet. They don’t call him Pretty Ricky for nothing.
Okay, time to work on my Robert Mugabe research. I’ll update with thoughts at each intermission. Let’s Go Buffalo!!!
Hmm, sounds like Lindy doesn’t like afternoon games either. That’s pretty cool.
So is spaghetti for breakfast! Jealous!
P.S. Clare, thank you so much for the picture! I LOVE it!!! Reader Award to you!
First Period 1-0, Sabres
(These are basically my thoughts on the period as it was happening. There is NOTHING on Mugabe’s thoughts on African tribes online)
- Whoa, Jochen Hecht! You badass. Sabres score on the man advantage! 1-0.
- Geez, Mike. And just when I thought Hilary had made you go soft. Leave our boyz alone. (I think it’s hilarious that Mike Comrie was the highest scorer on the Islanders last year)
- Ugh. Just when I thought the Sabres’ power play was getting better, they don’t score in another four minute man advantage. Nice job, Boyz.
End of period thoughts: Lalime has looked solid from all the way back here in the kitchen, and it hasn’t sounded like the Sabres have been doing anything too bone-headed. Time to register for Survey Savvy, then we can start the next period!
Guys, there wasn’t anything uber-important in that Darcy Regier interview, was there? I was too busy eating a banana to listen.
Second Period 5-0 Sabres
- Ehmagod I totally love Adam Mair!!! 2-0, Sabres!!! (McDonald, that was absolutely terrible)
- You know what? Screw working on my book project. Word is being a retard (or, as Gena likes to put it, a “fucktard”) and the project isn’t even due until the 27th. I’m just going to watch some good ol’ hockey.
- Dear Readers, I don’t know about you, but I think Patrick Lalime has been looking very trustworthy thus far. Wouldn’t it be so nice if we all didn’t have to freak out about our back-up this year?
- Whatevs, Al. Just take a penalty. At least I get to see “Kaltsy” now! (I’ve decided that I like Pkaleta on the PK. It’s almost as nice as Ovie on the PK)
- 15 shorties, Islanders? Wow. You guys really do suck.
- THOMAS VANEK PUTS A SHORTIE HOME! WOOO!!! 3-0, SABRES!!! The verdict is in, Dear Readers: Frostee is starting to develop a soft spot for Thomas Vanek. What the hell is up with this?
- POPULATION OF POMINVILLE HAS MOVED UP AGAIN!! POMMERDOODLING!!!!!! 4-0 Sabres!
- Yet another reason why I love Pkaleta. Did you see that body slam?!?! And Craig Rivet, I do not appreciate your attempts at making me love you.
- Adam Mair, you are an OUTRAGEOUS BADASS.
- EEE now Teppo is being all sexy and captain-y as he fills in for Rivet. And I feel so bad for Petey! He was stuck on the bench when the fight started! (My dad is at work and texted me to find out what happened in the fight and he asked “Omg! Wheres Petey?”)
- Um, who is the blood from? Because that’s really gross. I hope the B-lo Boyz are okay!!!
- What the HELL. I am totally in love with Thomas Vanek. This is so annoying. Thomas, if you score more goals that Ovie this year, you die. 5-0 Sabres!!!
- I just missed the last two minutes of play because I was discussing meeting Ovie with my dad. He thinks Dr. Bisson won’t be able to get me in to meet the Capitals, since it’s the Capitals. I told him to ask if I could meet the Sabres, and then I could go into the Capitals room and pretend I was dyslexic/illiterate. Because sometimes I think I am dyslexic/illiterate.
- Mairsy is back! And yes, I did just reenact the Kaleta body slam for my dad. This will be so much easier when we have DVR.
- Um, why is Thompson going to the dressing room? I’m really confused. Maybe I should stop messing around on Facebook and just watch the game.
- Spacek’s in the sin bin. Delay of game penalties are lame.
- Gosh darn it, Pommer. I wanted you to score there!!! (Wouldn’t two shorties be so awesomely kickass?)
- Fuck. Did I just hear that Paille is hurt? Fuck.
- Wait, I’m confused. Do the Islanders want to lose?
- Good grief. Mike Comrie, what are we going to do with you? *shakes head*
- Wait, Paille appears to be okay. He’s sitting up on the bench and everything. Phew.
- Dammit, Thomas! Why are you making me love you so much!!
- And now we are treated to “sensitive” Al Kotalik. Awww.
Third Period. Final score: 7-1 Sabres.
But first, a few more thoughts from the intermission report:
- Did Kevin Sylvester just say that Adam Mair has an upper body injury? Because, you know, that’s not very good.
- Craig Rivet might not play on Wednesday?!!? The Rangers are undefeated! We need Rivet!! No!!!
Okay, third period stuff now:
- Ehmagod Crunchy just walked by!! He’s got his skull cap on!! Yay!!!
- My sudden squealing problem is even more concerning than my new-found love of Thomas Vanek.
- Whoa, Harry. She’s probably young enough to be your daughter.
- My brother just asked why it says that it’s the second period. Geez. Get it right, guys.
- WOOO!!! Kotalik sends it home on the 5-on-3! 6-0 Sabres!!
- Whoa, Tony Romo is out for four weeks with a broken pinkie! Ahahaha. He has a broken pinkie.
- Ah, fudge. I was hoping for a Lalime shutout. But the Islanders and their fans don’t actually think that the Islanders are going to make some miracle comeback and win now, do they?
- Al’s in the sin bin? Why?
- And Vanek’s going for goaltender interference? You know what is the most concerning about all this? I don’t feel a burning desire to cut of Thomas’s head for taking a penalty. I just want to hug him and tell him that it’s okay. I do not like this, Dear Readers. I do not like this one bit.
- GOAL!!! That was a GORGEOUS play, Clarke. Gorgeous. And it’s good to see that Paille is okay!! 7-1 Sabres.
- Oh my God, they’re playing the Spongebob theme song. I’m not gonna lie, that’s totally awesome.
- Petey just got a roughing, but so did some Isle. Oh, Petey.
- I’m starting to remember how much I loved the music they play at Nassau Coliseum. Now they’re playing “Welcome to the Black Parade”
- Is it just me, or has this game gotten slightly boring? There are only three minutes left and there appears to be a lot of skating up and down the ice.
- Oh, no, wait, Mair just got slashed. I guess he doesn’t have an upper body injury, then!
- What the HELL is up with the Islander’s mascot? It’s like some sort of dragon or something.
- 146 penalty minutes, eh? Good. I kind of like hockey fights. Not stupid, “we don’t really know how to fight so we’re just going to hug each other for a really long time” fights, but real, sticking up for your teammates, tough guy fights. And fights with the Pkaleta Body Slam.
- OMG I LOVE “What I’ve Done”!!! Can the Sabres play all of their games in Nassau Coliseum? Because not only will they win, we will get to hear awesome music.
- Who are the Islanders kidding? They’re gonna win the first draft pick in June. You heard it here first.
- EEE Crunchy!!! Happy Crunchy!!
- Seriously, Kevin? “It was probably harder than it looked?” This is probably one of the easiest wins I’ve ever seen.
- Dear Readers, I love Lindy Ruff. He is the awesomest coach. I can’t believe this is the first post filed in my new “Lindy Ruff” category.
- Is it just me, or did Lalime look like Crunchy in that first shot of him? that kind of spooky. Speaking of guys that look like Crunchy, we decided that Ryan Gosling kind of looks like a wonky brow-less him.
- Ehmagod, I love Patrick Lalime. He’s adorable and well-spoken.
- Shit I was just thinking dreamily of Patrick Lalime and missed who they said might be out with an injury. Who is it?? I’m panicking!!
I’m just going to have to find out who’s hurt later. Now I have to go shower so that after my lesson is over I can watch the Caps!!
That was an awesome game, I’m not going to lie. If the Sabres beat the Rangers on Wednesday, I think I will go crazy.
I can’t believe they’re undefeated!! *squeals more*
Hecht is hurt? Hecht?!?! No!!!!! Yo-yo!!
Since I finally finished Native Son last night, I decided to reward myself with starting this up. There are many players in the NHL, some hotter than others. Today, we’ll be taking a look at the 20 hottest players, or Hotties, and tomorrow (or whenever I get to it) we will be examining the Notties.
The Hotties (in no particular order)
Brooks Laich, Washington Capitals. You know he’s a Hottie when my mom wanders in during a playoff game intermission interview and goes, “Oh, who’s that? He’s pretty hot.” Not only is he a Hottie, he knows it. Why else would his teammates vote him the biggest ladies’ man?
Henrik Zetterberg, Detroit Red Wings. He’s Swedish. He’s a hell of a hockey player, and he won the Conn Smythe this year! I may have been rooting for Pittsburgh, but I still didn’t mind when Henrik decided to score a goal.
Paul Gaustad, Buffalo Sabres. Goose isn’t just some average-joe, superficial Hottie. Saving the environment and convincing kids to read is hot. Keep up the good work Goose, and please feel free to make a few more PSAs next year.
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks. Let me make myself clear. I am not putting him on here because he’s a Buffalo boy. He is most certainly Hottie material, especially now that his acne cleared up. Innocence can be hot, especially when a kid has no problem going on television and talking about how he tapes his stick.
Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins. He’s really not that bad to look at, now that he ditched those obnoxious yellow pads. Listen to him talk for five minutes, and I guarantee you will consider him a Hottie.
Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals. You can complain and bitch all you want about how Ovechkin is an ugly fuck and how he’s a geeky emo loser and all that shit. He’s a Hottie, and deep down you know it. If it isn’t his killer eyes, then it’s his sense of humor and easy laugh. And the way he puts up with Mike Milbury’s shit.
Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins. Let me make this quite clear: I do not like the Penguins. I like Fleury’s accent, and that their mascot can’t walk on ice without falling, and that’s about it. However, Hottie list isn’t discriminatory, and therefore Geno makes the cut. I was a little bit discouraged, however, when I saw how much he likes pda, and I became downright concerned when i saw this. Making out with drunk, underaged teammates is not cool, Evgeni. Not cool at all. Watch yourself.
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks. (I really seem to like the Russians, huh?) I don’t know. He’s just adorable. And he looks a lot like Benjamin Mckenzie.
Rick DiPietro, New York Islanders. His hips suck, and he needs to watch his mouth when he’s mic’d up on television, but while he might not be easy on the ears, he’s definitely easy on the eyes. Keep it up, Pretty Ricky!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens. He’s adorable, and so sweet and young and innocent. I was rooting for him in the playoffs, and it was kinda sad to see the poor kid collapse under the pressure. I’m sure that with time, he’ll be a great, Hottie goaltender.
Jason Spezza, Ottawa Senators. Jason, I hate you. I hate you for playing for the Senators. I hate you for having that lopsided grin and that cute face. I hate you for saying that you would pose for Playgirl for free. I hate you.
Cruncy Miller, Buffalo Sabres. Crunchy Miller is not a Hottie. His eyebrows are uneven, and it has actually started to bug me. But his blog is hilarious, his analytical interviews are always enjoyable, and his sense of style questionable.
Andrew Peters, Buffalo Sabres. Petey isn’t really a Hottie on the outside, but a great sense of humor is quite hot. So is a questionable sexuality. Carry on, Petey.
Nathan Gerbe, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. Forget that he was a runner-up for the Hobey Baker, that his team won the Frozen Four and his was the MVP, and led everyone in scoring (too lazy to fact-check). He’s short. And his sings Rascal Flatts in the locker room. Hottie!!
Patrick Kaleta, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. He’s a homeboy! (But we are ignoring the fact that he played at St. Francis) Being a Buffalo fan, I love his hard-hitting style. The coaches had to tell him to take it down a notch during the prospect camp! He lives at home. His first NHL goal was overshadowed by Richard Zednik nearly being beheaded. Patrick Kaleta, you are a Hottie.
Mike Green, Washington Capitals. Last, but certainly not least, Mike Green shows off his Hottie stuff by getting playoff mohawks and leading defensemen in goals. And, of course, teddy bears are hot.