I’m not that upset about the Sabres game since I went into it anticipating a loss. If anything, I’m glad they at least managed a point. It was almost funny seeing how long it took for their first shot on goal. The Sabres simply cannot play a good game against the Senators, and that’s that. Not really anything else to say.
Derek Roy hasn’t done much of anything this year, but I still hope his injury isn’t too serious. Although it does open up a spot in the lineup if Patty K really is ready to come back.
This team would be so frighteningly bad without Ryan Miller.
The worst part about last night is that my jersey is now 0-1 and got pulled halfway through the second period. Although taking it off looked like it might pay off for a while; right after the Sabres scored their two goals.
We need someone who can score in the shootout.
We need a reliable scorer.
The Caps, on the other hand, won a huge statement game against the Devils. This is the second game in a row they put up four or five goals on an elite goaltender and they didn’t even choke like they usually do when they’re playing New Jersey. Alex had another three-point night so now he’s only four back of the lead league for points. He’s ridiculous. Lars Nicklas had himself a three point night as well, giving him his 200th point and 202 points in 202 games. That’s…crazy. I don’t understand why he hasn’t been re-signed yet and Semin has.
What a nice segway for me to use into Semin’s contract. Um, what?!? One year? $6 million? I don’t get it. GMGM says it’s what the player preferred and gave him more flexibility. I still don’t get it. Players like him don’t sign one year deals. Moreover, how can he sign a deal for $6 million? Can they afford that? Where’s the room to keep Nicki? If there’s one player who needs to stay it’s him. He’s just as important to this team as Alex. Sasha is a great player when he wants to be, but I never saw him as indispensable. Is George just trying to get him a contract so that he can trade him after the season and not have to worry about that? They could get a pretty decent return for him, especially if he’s already got a contract. I’m sure there are plenty of teams who would want him. I’m just perplexed by the whole situation. And a little bit angry. Neuvirth has been really solid the past few games so I’m sure they could trade Theo if they wanted, which would open up more cap room, but there’s still another contract to be signed. And isn’t it contract year for Flash as well?
Hmm. It’s just all a little odd. We shall have to wait and see how it all plays out.
Tonight the Sabres are playing the team of Sir Christopher’s hometown, and hopefully he’ll be able to play. I’m not sure who Lindy benches to make room for him. I know he’s the captain, but I’d almost say Rivet after the way he played the past few days…but he is the captain.
Team Sweden announced their roster. I hope Henrik Zetterberg is back in time to play for them. They always put together a good team and this looks like another one. I am a little surprised Henrik Tallinder made the team, but I guess now that his rape case is all cleared up he’s a valuable asset.
There have certainly been a lot of sweeps this year in the playoffs, but GOOD GRIEF have there been a lot of seventh games. But I’m pretty sure Game Seven in the Stanley Cup Finals is about as intense as it gets. And while I didn’t want this series to go to seven games, the timing is actually perfect. While New York State does a lot of bad, bad things, one good thing it does is regents exams. They’re quick, they’re easy, they replace real exams, and they require studying the day before. Therefore, I have absolutely no schoolwork to do during the game tomorrow night. The last time I didn’t have a paper to write or a project to work on or a test to study for during a game was spring break. I think.
I really, really want the Red Wings to win the game tomorrow night. 50% of that is rooted in my genuine like of the team. The whole organization is amazing! This is what all teams wish they could be like! They’re successful with low draft picks! They have Pavel “Candy Corn Head” Datsyuk! What’s not to love?! 25% of it is my dislike for the Pens, and 25% of it is the fact that if Sidney Crosby wins the Stanley Cup before Alexander I will jump off the Peace Bridge.
Marian Hossa has basically been a non-factor in this series, crushing my hopes that he’ll get the series-clinching goal. Of course, he could come alive in his desire to prove to the Penguins that he knew exactly what he was doing when he bolted for Pittsburgh. I realize that Pens fans think what he did was awful, but really, he passed up money and a long-term deal for a shot at the Stanley Cup. You’ve gotta admire that.
While Candy Corn Head came back and asserted himself as my fourth favorite third favorite Russian in the league (I refuse to believe that Sergei Fedorov is “still negotiating” with the Capitals. He’s gone. He has abandoned me and the Caps. It hurts to think about it), Henrik Zetterberg has also kind of been stealing my heart. This boy is good at hockey. And he’s Swedish. Swedish hockey players are almost as awesome as Russian hockey players, FYI.
So tomorrow night the hockey season ends. The NHL dragged it out as long as they could. If the officiating is slanted in Pittsburgh’s favor again, I hope the fans at the Joe give the refs hell. And I won’t be all that surprised if it is. You all saw Gary Bettman’s face when the Pens were getting blown out of the water in Game 5, didn’t you?
Elsewhere in the hockey world, Brent Sutter left the Devils, Dany Heatley wants out of Ottawa, Emery’s with the Flyers, Tippett got canned, and Nylander might be headed to the KHL. If Sutter’s done with the Devils, well, looks like we won’t be seeing his angry glare more often.
I’m not sure how I’d feel about Dany Heatley leaving Ottawa, because he’d be taking with him the punchline to all of the dumb jokes we tell in my family. It’s really lame, and you kind of have to be there for it to be funny, but every time someone says they hate something, whoever’s near enough adds “But not as much as Dany Heatley.” Example:
Grandma: “So what do you think of that Miley Cyrus?”
Me: “I hate that bitch.”
Mom: “But not as much as you hate Dany Heatley.”
Part of it is because it’s funny, and part of it is because we hate Ottawa and he plays for Ottawa. Leaving the Senators might permanently kill our joke.
I laughed for about ten minutes when I saw that Emery signed with Philadelphia. Guys, I sincerely doubt that a year in the KHL has changed Emery. There’s a very good chance that the Flyers will drop in the standings next year, either because Emery plays badly or because he completely implodes. But I will be happy to have the “Eeeemmmmmeeerrrryyyy” chants back. Those were one of my absolute favorite cheers.
Dave Tippett got fired. Dallas was in the conference finals last year and didn’t make the playoffs this year. That’s all.
While I’m definitely against players leaving the NHL for the KHL when they currently have contracts here, I’m actually kind of sort of hoping that Nylander does end up over here. I do not like Michael Nylander. He hardly ever plays and he’s not that good and he eats up cap space faster than an SUV eats up gas. The Caps need to get Semin and Lars locked down, and the last thing they need is wasted cap space. Bye, Michael!!
There’s a very good chance that the Stanley Cup will be awarded tonight, and I’m totally okay with that. I’ll miss hockey TERRIBLY, but why prolong the inevitable? I’m pulling for the Red Wings. I want them to win this, and honestly, the game Saturday night shows why they will win it. They’ve been like a monster lying around, waiting until the Penguins got cocky to explode. The Penguins keep saying that they can win the game tonight and force a Game Seven, which they could win because they won on the road against Washington. Um, the Capitals aren’t a vicious monster waiting until its opponent thinks it can win to attack. The Capitals are a cute bunch of vodka-downing, goal-scoring party animals. Kind of different.
Regardless of what happens tonight, expect a nice, ramble-y post from me on Thursday afternoon. My last day of classes is tomorrow (woo!!!) but I have my hardest exam Thursday morning, so it’s not like I’ll be screwing around on the computer and having fun tomorrow night.
P.S. Sid’s slash on Henrik was dirty. Sid, Hank is a classy guy, a great player, and a Swede. Don’t you go slashin’ him.
- Pens won last night, whatevs. Same thing happened last year, and I really don’t see them coming out of this series the winners. Yes, I get it, Pittsburgh came back after being down two games to Washington. I already said this, but I’ll say it again: The Washington Capitals are very different from the Detroit Red Wings.
- Last night there were six Penguins on the ice right in front of the official and no one noticed. It really bugged me. But it was kind of funny how the crowd got all quiet so the refs wouldn’t notice.
- Henrik Zetterberg is very good at shutting Sidney Crosby down. In fact, Henrik Zetterberg is very good at hockey, and he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal, which makes you pretty darn close to perfect in my book. I have fantasies in which he and Lars bond in Sweden during the summer and Henrik has those deep, insightful talks with Lars that cover all the things he needs to know to be a man.
- Alexander will be participating in a poker tournament in Vegas. Please, hockey gods, let this be as hilarious as it has the potential to be.
- The above is a good thing because the next two weeks of my life suck. I hate the end of the school year. Seriously teachers, giving us two finals in one class is SO STUPID. We get that you so thoroughly enjoy testing us, but really? We’re going to be sitting in a hot gym (or air-conditioned classroom, ha!) for two to three hours very soon, just put our material all on that. Don’t give us an out of school final and an in school one.
- My piece of crap phone is still dying. Today it turned off twice when I was making a call. End of school = new phone. Wee!
- A Sabre whose last name I can’t remember how to spell and therefore am not writing signed with Russia. I really don’t care. I want good centers. Not centers who spend their time up in Portland.
- If you happen to be in high school and you’re reading this, just a tip: if you read the New York Times, that’s awesome, but if you tell us that in a smug, douchebag-y manner every single day, it will not endear you to any of us.
- I kind of miss the Sabres. And I’m already worried that they won’t make the playoffs this year.
Scene: Frostee and Frostee’s Mom are sitting in the car on the way home from school.
Frostee’s Mom: Hey, don’t the Sabres play tonight?
Frostee’s Mom: Who?
Frostee: The Red Wings. On Versus.
Frostee’s Mom: Oh. Aren’t the Sabres…still out of the playoffs?
Frostee’s Mom: Well, at least it will be in HD, right?
Frostee: And at least we know that Henrik Zetterberg is, in fact, in Buffalo…right?
More long silence.
Dear Ryan Miller’s Ankle,
Dear Buffalo Sabres,
As you know, tomorrow is my birthday (checks should be made out to Frostee, gift cards should be to either Forever 21 or the iTunes Store, and cold hard cash is always appreciated). It also happens to be the night you play the Anaheim Ducks. I am trying to take a positive attitude about this whole thing, but I’ll be honest. It’s not easy.
First there’s the matter of this whole Miller-having-a-high-ankle-sprain thing. Being raised by hockey fans, there were two things I have been taught my entire life. The first is that the Philadelphia Flyers are bad and should be openly loathed (hey, my dad grew up going to Rangers and Islanders games). The second is that high ankle sprains are probably one of the worst injuries hockey players could get. Groin injuries are also pretty bad. See, Miller is most likely out until the end of the season unless the hockey gods do us a solid and throw a miracle our way. Patrick Lalime is now your starting goaltender and you called up Jhonas Enroth today. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and there are two possible outcomes from this scenario:
1) You, the Buffalo Sabres, band together in an incredible show of team unity and play in front of Patty as you have never played before, guiding yourselves into the playoffs.
2) You completely implode and get an early summer for the second year in a row.
I’m trying to be optimistic about all this, Sabres, I really am. It’s just that the way you depend on Ryan Miller to always save your collective asses and the way you suck in front of Lala has me worried. Who knows. Maybe we dedicated fans will be rewarded with Outcome #1. Maybe we won’t.
Then there’s the matter of your birthday greetings policy. As you know, people put birthday wishes up on the jumbotron at games. Yesterday when we were all preparing lunch, my dad came downstairs and told me that he’s really sorry, but HSBC has a policy that you have to call at least three days in advance to get a birthday greeting. As he called only two days in advance, there would be no special surprise for me. I actually can not tell you how devastated I was to hear this.
So, Sabres, I really need you to win this game tomorrow. I haven’t been to a good game since November 1. I may have had fun at the one at the end of December, but that’s because I liked the other team enough to overlook the fact that you apparently sucked balls. The one in the middle of December was pretty bad too. Then there’s also the matter of the critical two points you could pick up. And, of course, a win on my birthday would be simply marvelous.
- Tom Renney got fired. It was only a matter of time.
- The Alex Ovechkin/Sidney Crosby bitch fight made ESPN this morning. Personally, I thought the wave was amusing. And personally, I’m going to side with Alex and Bruce and the rest of the Washington Capitals. Sid kind of needed to shut his mouth yesterday. Personally, I prefer Alex’s playing style to Sidney’s because I love me a man who can score goals AND throw hits. A friend of mine is a Penguins/Crosby fan and even she admitted to me today that he’s kind of a wuss. Personally, I think it’s really funny how none of the Penguins want to stick up for Crosby. Personally, I’m just glad the Caps won.
- I told my mother that if she went with me to the game tomorrow night we would have to go down during the pre-game skate and shout inappropriate things at Ryan Getzlaf, but since it’s looking like Papa Frostee will be going with me instead, we’ll just heckle Chris Simpson.
- I won’t go into details, because the details are hilarious but time-consuming, but there’s this one kid who’s been in several of my classes for the past few years. He’s a total creeper in addition to being incredibly rude. He does this weird thing where he’ll get a crush on a girl and just follow her around for several days. He back-talks to teachers on a regular basis. He doesn’t like me or any of my friends, and just to prove how nice he is he told us that he would kill us in our sleep. This charming young man also happens to be a Red Wings fan, an insufferable one at that. He thoroughly enjoys trash-talking the Sabres, and when the Wings won the Cup last season we knew he’d be awful to be around. The next day he wore his signed Pavel Datsyuk jersey (I was so jealous) to school, and I informed him that while Candy Corn Head is a great player, I still prefer Mr. Henrik Zetterberg. The kid started screaming at me about how Henrik is probably the most overrated player in the league and he’s not any good and Pavel is easily the best player on the team and the best in the NHL. It was really funny. Now, last week I started getting Facebook Mobile texts informing me that he was trying to add me as a friend on Facebook. Since I, well, don’t like him, I rejected him. Four times. I finally just gave up and added him. Today he commented on a picture I have. Not only does this prove he was Facebook stalking me, but it also confuses me slightly. See, he commented on the picture of me with Mini Alex that I took last year during the playoffs. His comment read, “seriously ovechkin? jk jk jk he’s clearly the best russian player in the league.” Hmm. This is the same kid that informed me in no uncertain terms that Pavel Datsyuk is the best player in the world. I kind of want to shake him and shout, “But what about PAVEL?!??! You told me PAVEL! was the BEST PLAYER in the WORLD!”
- Speaking of Alex, I’m choosing to ignore that picture of him over at Puck Daddy.
- Alexander Semin is following me on Twitter. This is kind of awesome.
- TV is back skating with the team. Woo!
- COMPLETELY unrelated to hockey, but what do you think the chances are of my teacher figuring out I made up 100% of what I wrote about the North Korean economy? There was nothing on the websites she told us to use. I bullshit on projects regularly, but this is just plan making stuff up. Thank goodness we only have give the website.
Let’s not talk about last night’s Sabres game. It won’t do us any good. Sure, we could debate Cari’s theory that the NHL should copy AT&T and allow rollover goals, but that will just make us remember how craptastically bad the Sabres looked last night (um, Chris Butler? You’re fired). I have a few other discussion points we could try:
- Woo! Exams OVER!!! Yay!!!!!!! Done studying!!!!!!! Weeeee!!!!!!!
- Oh shit. Does Kashmir have petroleum? Does France have nuclear weapons?!
- There are those cookies I made (yes, Alex, the ones that were SUPPOSED to be for you). And then there’s all that cookie dough I ate…how is it that I can eat half the dough and still get a ton of huge cookies that resemble the matzoh balls the time we let my seven year-old cousin make them? They all have six-inch diameters and look like they’ve been sent from Outer Space to spy on us.
- Henrik Zetterberg signed some crazy long-ass contract and will now be in Detroit until Armageddon. Jake! I wanted you to play for the Sabres!!!
- I have this weird mental condition where I just assume Darcy Regier will sign all the players I want to come play for us. (See: Zetterberg, Henrik and Ovechkin, Alex)
- Why do I get hit eight kajillion times a day by people searching “vincent lecavalier”? Do I ever even talk about him?
- How come Patrick Lalime doesn’t play anymore? I get that he’s not very good and Lindy doesn’t trust him, but part of why he’s unreliable is because he never gets to play. Last night’s game was a lost cause. They should have put him in.
- Apparently players text each other before games to set up fights. I have two things to say about that: 1. That’s kind of cute but completley stupid. What happened to fights that just happen in the heat of the moment? and 2. That must be why Petey doesn’t fight anymore. His texting thumb was bit! (He also might not fight because he doesn’t play anymore, but let’s just leave that alone.)
- I’m pretty sure I’m going to the Pirates game on February 10. I’m kind of excited for this.
- Okay, I know I said we shouldn’t talk about the Sabres, but you know what? THE SABRES WERE REALLY BAD LAST NIGHT. EW. There are LOTS of players who should be blamed, but I’m singling out Chris Butler merely because I want to. Dude, you SUCKED last night. Good Lord. Pull yourself together, man.
- This is actually from two nights ago, but Drew Stafford and the pigeon? Adorable.
Last night’s Sabres game was AWESOME. I can’t even come up with enough adjectives to describe how much fun I had watching it. The Sabres scored TEN GOALS, and it wasn’t even against a bottom-feeder like Atlanta. Staffy with the tour du chapeau (ever since I watched the French feed of a Montreal game back in December, I have called hat tricks by their french name because it’s funny), Royzie and TV with three point nights, Timmy with two goals, Patches with a goal (!), Spacek with a goal, Hecht with a goal. (And did everyone notice how after Hecht scored last night, they showed Roy sitting on the bench? My theory is that they have absolutely no idea who Hecht is and just showed a random Sabre.) The commentators were all, “We love Buffalo!” the whole night, which was quite nice. I was amused by how even when the score was 6-1 Sabres, they still thought the Oilers could make a comeback. That was cute.
The Sabres game last night was definitely one of my favorite of the season, but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to forgive the hockey gods and forget what happened. You see, as the Sabres game didn’t start until nine, I decided to tune into another game at seven. The Caps/Bruins game last night looked to be a pretty good one, so I thought I’d check in and see what happened. Greenie started the scoring, both teams looked good, it was a fun time. Then, in the second period, Alex came roaring down the wing with Chara right behind him. As Chara could think of nothing else to do to prevent Alex from scoring, he hooked him. Alex then lost his balance and FLEW SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE BOARDS. HE THEN STAYED ON HIS BACK WITH HIS EYES CLOSED FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. Dear Readers, saying I freaked out would be a complete understatement. See, as a hockey fan I realize that getting hurt is part of the job. Injuries to the Sabres may or may not have cost them a Stanley Cup a few years ago, and right now defensemen are dropping like flies. Still, I expect injuries. That doesn’t mean I don’t worry when they happen, because last week when Teppo was lying face-first on the ice I had a panic attack, but it’s not like I’m taken completely by surprise. Um, Tim Connolly plays on my favorite team. I’m used to injuries. See, the thing is, Alex doesn’t do injuries. There’s a long list of games where he got hurt and bounced right back up and kept playing. Seeing him lie on the ice with his eyes closed was really scary. Then, when he slammed both of his gloves on the ground and threw away his helmet – with his left hand! – I got really worried. I was all set to change the pink sheets on my bed to a more masculine, er, purple so that I could tuck him in and give him the ice pack I used after my Gardasil shots and make him cookies and let him flip through old Seventeen magazines and nurse him back to health when he came skating back out in the third period. Alex, if you were fine, then WHY DID YOU SCARE ME LIKE THAT?!?! Good grief.
And in the post-game interview, Alex claims that he forgives Chara. They showed him talking to Chara in the third and Alex just shrugged, but I couldn’t figure out if he was saying, “Hey, that’s hockey, no hard feelings,” or “Yeah, I called the Russian Mafia, but they haven’t called me back yet. I’d lock your door tonight if I was you.”
The hockey gods realized how insanely furious at them I was, so they sent me a good Sabres game. I haven’t forgiven them, but at least the Sabres got two important points and an even more important confidence boost. These Western Conference road trips usually give me nightmares, but the Sabres look like they might actually do good this time around. Woo, Sabres! Just keep this positive mindset going into tonight’s game, and you’ll be fine.
What’s that? Zetterberg signed a 12-year contract? Worth $72 million? Yikes.
Well, now that I’ve gotten that taken care. I have to say, while it may have taken me like 20 minutes to get to the actual ballot (I’m not sure if it was the computer or the website, but something was trying to keep me from voting), it was totally worth it. I absolutely can not remember anything from when I voted last year (but don’t worry, I did), and was afraid that I would have to chose between voting for Thomas or Alex on the left wing. This poses a problem because while Thomas is definitely more deserving of the starting position at this point, I am, after all, kind of crazy-obsessed with Alex. But I ended up voting for both of them. And I probably won’t vote again tonight, because I still have to study and copy down Latin vocab, but I will most likely vote again tomorrow.
And did anyone else see that game last night? It was…like…crazy, man. And I’m totally glad Henrik Zetterberg scored, because I spent the first ten minutes of the game complaining that Henrik Zetterberg has like dropped of the face of the Earth because I never hear about him anymore, but then there he was, in all his Jake-Gyllenhaal’s-clone glory.
Hey, listen, I know you might not be playing tonight, but do you think you could tell your team that if they beat the Sabres it would emotionally scar you and you would never be able to recover from the pain of it? Because, you know, the Sabres kind of need a win.
Your Friend (does that sound totally familiar?!?)
Dear Readers, I’ve finally gotten my ridiculously confusing (and entirely fictional) love life straight. It’ll probably only last for a few days, but at least for now I know where my heart belongs.
We all know that Ryan Miller is my Sabres Boyfriend, and I can’t see that changing any time soon. Just in case you don’t think he’s a very good choice, I’ll share with you all the hilarious kickass statistics page on NHL.com. I was a little worried at first, entrusting my blue and gold heart to Crunchy with memories of last year still flashing before my eyes, but I’m not worried anymore. I know that Crunchy is back to his ol’ reliable self, and I no longer feel ashamed in admitting that he is my favorite Sabre.
If you haven’t figured out by now that I spend my free-time indulging in wildly inappropriate fantasies about Mr. Ovechkin, we have some big problems. Alex is now, and forever shall be, my favorite hockey player.
Patrick Kane is my homeboy. He is the adorable B-lo Boy that I wholeheartedly love and find outrageously adorable. (How could you not find it adorable when a guy declares that he is “more of a lover than a hater”!?!?! HOW?) If he walked into the kitchen right now and pulled out the Tiffany’s box with the ring I picked out, I would say yes.
Sidney Crosby is the guy I would be really mean to until I had to work with him on a school project and realized that underneath that dorky, zit-covered facade, he’s actually a very sweet boy trying to find his place in the world. Then he and I would become BFFs and he would set me up with all his hot co-workers.
There’s a list of other players in the NHL I would absolutely have no-strings-attached one night stands with, but since it’s a rather long list, I won’t write it all out here. But near the top of the list are the Lundqvist twins, Rick DiPietro, Henrik Zetterberg, and Evgeni Malkin. (I know, right?! How the hell did Geno end up on that list??)
That brings us to my new friend. Dear Readers, this is Thomas. Thomas, these are the Dear Readers. See, Thomas? I told you they were nice! I told you that now that you’re good, they wouldn’t be mean to you!
Friday night, Thomas Vanek was on the aforementioned list. Meeting him in a hotel room was about all I could handle. Monday afternoon, I probably would have met him for lunch a week later. Now? We would go to the movies with a big group of people and have a great time, and then get ice cream. I would tease him about girls (no, wait, make that girl. I would tease him about his wife) and he would set me up with his friends but then be all protective about me and threaten them if they weren’t nice to me. We’ll have dinner at my parents’ house but they’ll think it’s no big deal, since they’ve seen The Wall. It’ll be like an episode of My Boys, minus the weird sexual tension between Bobby and PJ.
If after reading all this you still don’t think Thomas is a good friend for me, refer to the stat page that I linked to above. That’ll solve all your problems.
It’s kind of nice to have all this relationship angst figured out. Every other day I get told that I love way too many guys, so at least for now I know where everyone belongs in my heart.
In other news, a hockey league in these parts will be getting a Dallas Stars Zamboni! (without the Stars logos, of course.) Thanks to Sabres Fan for the article!
Let’s see, now I know there was something else I wanted to mention. Hmm. Was it Savard getting fired? No, no, that wasn’t it. Was it Goose skating? No, that’s not it either. Hrmph. What was it?
Oh, wait. I remember.
THE SABRES KICKED THE RANGERS’ SCRAWNY, “DEFENSIVE-MINDED” ASSES LAST NIGHT AND NOW THEY’RE THE ONLY PERFECT TEAM IN THE EAST AND NOT ONLY ARE THEY GONNA GO 82-0, THEY WILL ALSO WIN THE STANLEY CUP. AND ALL THOSE NON-BELIEVERS OUT THERE CAN STICK IT IN THEIR JUICE BOXES AND SUCK IT.
Ah. I knew there was something else I wanted to mention.