The Things I Know For Certain

May 5, 2009 at 3:53 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, David Steckel, Evgeni Malkin, Happy!!, Jose Theodore, Mikael Tellqvist, Pittsburgh Penguins, Semyon Varlamov, Sidney Crosby, That horse is dead. Drop the stick., Trendy Euro Sabres, Washington Capitals, Winning Is Totally Awesome | 9 Comments
  • Last night’s game was hugely entertaining.  Completely nerve-wracking, but so much fun.
  • Alex’s tour du chapeau was better than Sid’s because Alex’s won the game.
  • Simeon Varlamov is really good at bouncing back from bad goals.  I like that in a man.  He’s reliable.
  • Trendy Euro has abandoned us for the evil KHL.  As I have a sinking feeling about Lala, I was thinking the Caps should ship Jose up here.  He’s pretty, and it’s not like Lindy’s going to ever play him, so we wouldn’t have to worry!
  • David Steckel may be a douchebag, but just as Brian is Stewie’s douchebag, David is mine.  (I actually don’t know if he’s a douchebag, it’s just this random assumption I made.  If you happen to know one way or another you could let me know…or not.  I kind of like just going around thinking he’s a lovable douche.)
  • Christine Simpson would be a fascinating subject for a mental study.  She really, really would be.  I’d probably end up in therapy, but I would love to know what goes on under that perfectly made up blonde head.
  • Christine Simpson needs to realize that not every North American player she interviews is Sidney Crosby.  His name is David Steckel, Christine.  He plays for the team that won and he’s from Milwaukee.  His name is not Sid.
  • I think I’ve managed to figure out what Simeon’s appeal to me is.  Aside from the badass goaltending and the charmingly boyish good looks, he’s a man of mystery.  I know very little about him other than that he’s a goalie, he’s Russian, has a good sense of humor, and the first English word he learned was “awesome.”  That must be what intrigues me.  For all I know, he could be a Latin scholar who loves baking cookies and whiling away rainy days with a book.  
  • Simeon, don’t you dare be a Latin scholar who loves baking cookies and whiling away rainy days with a book.  That would be SO not cool.
  • I was worried that hanging my Caps banner in the front door would jinx them, but it didn’t.  Woo!
  • I’m kind of in favor of suspending Kunitz for trying to behead Simeon with his stick, but I doubt it will happen.  The league has been quite inconsistent with suspensions during the playoffs this year.
  • I just paid $22 for a “Got Ovechkin?” t-shirt.  I’m so excited.  I’m putting it on the moment it comes.
  • I applaud Alex for cracking jokes in a language he isn’t completely comfortable with yet, but sometimes I don’t even know where they come from.  “I’m afraid to go home.”  Does that mean your fans will be rioting excitedly out in front of your house?  Does it mean that you fear another egg being left in your driveway?
  • Reporters need to accept the fact that Alex isn’t going to talk about Simeon.  Please, people. Just understand that and move on.  Stop asking him.  It’s a tad bit annoying.
  • Also, can we please get over this whole Alex-LeBron thing?  Yes, they’ve met each other.  Yes, LeBron sent him a jersey.  We know.  You’ve only told us a million times.
  • What they’ve left out every single time they tell it, however, is that Lars was also there that day.  Poor boy.  Everyone always forgets Lars.
  • I feel a clarification is necessary, as many people (read: my brother) have been asking me over and over again why just because I love Alex, I have to hate Sid.  Here’s the deal:  Long before I even cared about Alex, I disliked Sidney Crosby.  It’s just always been there.  I can’t even fully explain it.  (Well, no, I can.  It just takes a while and I don’t feel like going into it.)  I didn’t start disliking the Penguins until I started liking the Caps.  That’s all.
  • Evgeni Malkin can always be relied on to choke in the playoffs.  Did he miss the flight to DC?
  • Will being back in front of their home crowd give the Penguins a huge lift tomorrow night?  Absolutely.  
  • Is a 2-0 series lead in Washington’s favor huge, and hard to overcome?  Hell, yes.  I’m not making any predictions and I’m not saying anything.  I’m just…sayin’.
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Richard Zednik Is Going To Win The Masterton

April 1, 2009 at 3:57 pm | Posted in Andrew Peters, Atlanta Thrashers, Buffalo Sabres, Contracts, Dominic Moore, Happy!!, Ilya Kovalchuk, Jaroslav Spacek, Mikael Tellqvist, Patrick Lalime, Richard Zednik, Teppo Numminen, Trendy Euro Sabres, Washington Capitals, What Is Up With All These Injuries? | 2 Comments

I was really happy when I saw Teppo got nominated – because coming back from open heart surgery to play when you’re 40 years old is quite an accomplishment – but let’s be honest.  Richard Zednik had his artery sliced open and almost died.  He has this award locked up, and I really don’t have a problem with that.  (Although Brian Pothier’s story is pretty heart-warming too…)

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I just thought you should know that all day I have been going up to people and reminding them that the Funnest Week of Hockey Ever starts tonight.  The Sabres are in Atlanta to play the outrageously frustrating Thrashers tonight, they face my beloved Caps on Friday, and then Sunday afternoon the Caps and Thrashers play each other.  I have told you this before, but I’m saying it again.  I have also said before that if I was a true, diehard Thrashers fan (but does that species even exist?) I would be so effing mad at this team.  They sucked royally for the first three or four months before turning it up.  Thrashers, there is absolutely no point in losing the first thirty games of the season and then winning five straight.  That does nothing but screw over your chances of getting the first pick.  Either be good for the entire season, or be bad.

And please don’t trade Ilya to LA.  I could handle a trade to Montreal, because then he’d be in our division, but do not trade him to LA.  I will never see him again if you do, and that would make me very sad.

My friend’s dad is going to be on Jeopardy Friday night but we’re DVRing it so I can watch the Caps.  I decided if for some odd reason the Sabres should lose (5-3) tonight I’ll have to root for the Caps because at that point the Sabres’ season will be over and the Caps need to take advantage of New Jersey’s current skid; but if Buffalo squeaks out a win I’ll cheer for them.  To start.

I entered to win tickets to the Washington/Atlanta game Sunday but didn’t.  I’m a little upset. 

Trendy Euro is backing up Miller because poor Lala has some sort of hip ailment.  Frostee’s Mom is very excited.

While I’m definitely (and inexplicably) attached to Trendy Euro, I find myself not feeling the same way about Harvard.  I’m sorry.  He just seems to be like a lot of the other Sabres: completely ineffectual.  I know he’s been taking faceoffs and killing penalties and bringing grit to the lineup, but I’m kind of sick of seeing that.  My apologies, Mr. Harvard, but in my humble opinion you don’t seem to be worth $3 million.

I just broke the news to my friend that Petey is a UFA this summer.  It did not go over too well.  I love Petey, but if the Sabres sign him before they sign Caveman we are going to have some serious problems.

That Was Kind Of Fun.

March 26, 2009 at 4:52 pm | Posted in Happy!!, Maxim Afinogenov, Mikael Tellqvist, Ryan Miller, Trendy Euro Sabres, Washington Capitals, Winning Is Totally Awesome | 1 Comment

I won’t lie; seeing the Sabres win last night was INCREDIBLY refreshing.  I get to use my winning tag!  I got a happy Sabres text!  Max scored an empty netter!  A backup goalie ACTUALLY WON!!!

Last night put me in a good mood and made me soften a bit towards the Sabres again, but after sleeping the win off I still realize that the Sabres aren’t going to make the playoffs.  This win was kind of like their swan song for the season.  The Sabres gave us one last win, one last good game and one happy memory, before going home for the summer.  It’s okay.  I’m okay with it.  I’ve been saying for weeks how chill I am with the Sabres missing the playoffs, but now I realize just how cool with it I am.  It wasn’t meant to be, and who am I to mess with karma?

Seeing Craigory standing up for his teammate like that was awesome, if I may quote Lindy.  If that’s not a suspension I have no idea what is.  The hit on Max was so uncalled for, not to mention dangerous.

Speaking of Max, no one is EVER allowed to get on my case about Alex and his English.  Did you hear that interview with him last night?  It basically sounded like “you know” sandwiched between a couple weird noises.

Trendy Euro’s interview, on the other hand, was wonderful.  He has become so team-first and it’s adorable.  What happens to him Friday when Miller comes back(!!!)?  I haven’t really looked into the situation, but does he get waived or sent to Portland or scratched?  I hope he’s just a healthy scratch.  I want to keep him around.  

Richard Zednik should be allowed to skip every game played in Buffalo from now on.  The hockey gods are trying to send him a message.

I never got to touch on the Caps game Tuesday night.  The first two periods were incredibly boring, and then the end of it was incredibly exciting.  I’m glad Gerber got suspended; hitting a referee is not cool.  The best part was seeing how CuJo came off the bench after sitting all night and saved his team’s ass.  Washington had approximately eight kazillion chances to score in the last ten seconds of regulation and overtime, but he was solid.  

Tomorrow night’s game will be interesting.  I’m really intrigued by if the Sabres can carry the momentum over and then if Miller can have a Brodeur-like return.  That would be nice.

Sorry Ladies, My Mom Just Claimed The New Trendy Euro Sabre

March 5, 2009 at 4:03 pm | Posted in Buffalo Sabres, Carey Price, Dominic Moore, Frostee Loves Way Too Many Guys, Get Yer Paws Off My Man, Happy!!, Jaroslav Spacek, Maxim Afinogenov, Mikael Tellqvist, Other Teams' Back-up Goalies Kind of Suck, Patrick Lalime, Paul Gaustad, Trendy Euro Sabres, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

Scene:  Frostee and Frostee’s mom are lounging around watching the third period of the Sabres game.  Frostee is sad that Ales has left her, but is thrilled that the Sabres are actually winning. 

Frostee:  I’m not quite sure which part of tonight I love better, Goosie with his two goals or my little caveman with one.  If they don’t re-sign him I’ll kill myself.

Frostee’s Mom [who is half-asleep]:  Mhmmm.

Frostee:  But now I have to find a new Trendy Euro Sabre.  How am I supposed to do this?  It’s so difficult.  I need a man who designs hats and probably has the same drink preferences of a 21 year-old girl!!!!

The TV shows us Mikael Tellqvist, Trade Deadline Day acquisition of the Buffalo Sabres.  He is standing in the airport wearing a black jacket and a goofy white scarf that is sticking out the way scarves do when they’re not quite long enough to be wound around your neck.  Next to him on the ground is a stack of goalie sticks. [But seriously, guys, is the only thing players bring when they first come to their new teams sticks?  All Moore and Tellqvist had were abundances of hockey sticks.  There will be no shortage in Buffalo]  He has a huge grin on his face.

Frostee:  Oh my God.  I found my new Trendy Euro Sabre.

Frostee’s Mom:  WHO is THAT?  He is BEAUTIFUL.

Frostee:  It’s my new Trendy Euro Sabre!  Damn, now I’m attached.  I can’t attach myself to a rental.

Frostee’s Mom:  Oh my goodness, looks like Teppo’s got some competition!

Montreal scores with a minute left.

Frostee: NO!!!  Now all Lala gets is the Ryan Miller Shutout!  This is terrible.  If any goalie in the entire NHL deserves a shutout right now it is him.

Frostee’s Mom:  Poor guy.  Can they show us Tellqvist again?

I kind of love my mother.  She may or may not be the funniest person I know.

Last night’s Sabres game?  Fantastic.  All the right things happened.  Max was playing like a man possessed.  Montreal is probably wondering how long until Halak is feeling better.

Since neither one has played for the Sabres yet and I can’t judge their on-ice skills, I have no problem with saying that both of the players the Sabres traded for yesterday are kind of attractive.  Heh.  This could get interesting.

That’s IT?!?!

March 4, 2009 at 3:34 pm | Posted in Ales Kotalik, Brian Campbell, Buffalo Sabres, Contracts, Dominic Moore, Huh?, Marian Hossa, Maxim Afinogenov, Mikael Tellqvist, Players, Ryan Miller, This Irks Me, Thought-provoking Stuff, Tim Connolly, Tim Connolly must be made of toothpicks and chewing gum, Trading Madness! | 2 Comments

(Updates at bottom!)

I carry a backpack to school.  It’s a Vera Bradley one and has owls on it and I like it very much.  The only problem with this bag is that I can’t easily keep it on my lap and text in school.  Now, I normally don’t text in school anyway, but today I made an exception.  So, while risking life and limb, I repeatedly checked my phone today, each time holding my breath as I waited for the big deal, aaaaaaannnnnnnndddddd……..

Not much happened from the Sabres’ point of view.  Yes, re-signing Timmy was huge.  He may be a walking, talking STD, but he’s still a hell of a hockey player when he’s healthy.  Therein lies the problem, however.  Timmy’s a great guy to have on your team when he’s healthy.  The length of the deal – 2 years – makes sense when you take his injury history into account, but the amount is crazy.  $9 million?  What happened to a hometown discount?  That’s $4.5 a year.  I started to realize as the day progressed that if Timmy got traded I would be sad, but I’m still not sure about the amount.  It just seems like an awful lot for a guy who can’t be counted on to play a full season.  

The only trade the Sabres made was sending a 4th round pick to Phoenix for Mikael Tellqvist.  My first reaction was to freak out when I saw they got a goalie (because when you’ve got your head stuck in your bag thirty seconds before the bell rings and the teacher is standing right in front of you the only thing you’re thinking about is to not get caught) but once I straightened up I figured this just means Enroth’s going back to Portland.  This also might just mean that Ryan Miller is out for the season.  *sniffles*

I’m not going to go through each and every deal that was made because other places have already done it well.  One thing I did notice, however, was that Calgary seemed to be pretty active.  They certainly seem to want to go deep in the playoffs this year.  The Chris Neil to Florida deal is pretty interesting too (if it actually happens.  Now Ottawa’s denying it?) because the Panthers don’t exactly have a player to fill that type of role.  I’m not yet sure if I’ll miss having him up in Ottawa to hate.

There might be a few more deals coming through that were made just before the deadline, but it looks like the Trade Deadline has passed.  It doesn’t seem to be as crazy as last year’s.  I specifically remember my jaw dropping at several of the deals, most notably the Huet to Washington and the Hossa to Pittsburgh (and I hope Hossa’s okay.  I may not like him but I never like seeing players getting taken off the ice on stretchers.  Ouch.) and, of course, the Soupy deal.  I even remember exactly where I was when I heard about the deal.  I was taking a test on the American Revolution when one teacher came in and told my teacher that Soupy was gone for a player that was “Thomas Vanek with an attitude.”  I loved Big Bear, but I’m not sure if I would call him Vanek with ‘tude. 

So the craziness of Deadline Day has passed.  The Sabres got another backup goalie and signed Timmy but didn’t really do anything about all the dead weight on this roster.  It’s almost a bit anti-climactic that after all our speculation the Sabres only dumped a draft pick.  I REALLY wanted to say goodbye to Max today.

And now the Sabres play the Canadiens tonight.  I’m kind of scared.

P.S.  I’m NOT thinking about Alex limping off the ice.

UPDATE:  It would appear as though the Sabres just acquired Dominic Moore.  Huh.  Interesting.

UPDATE #2:  The Sabres sent Kotalik to Edmonton.  I am surprisingly devastated about this.  Who’s going to be my Trendy Euro Sabre now?

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