(But first, happy birthday, Ryan Miller!! The big 3-0!)
As you know if you’ve ever read this blog before, Alexander Ovechkin is my favorite player. If you’re new around here, well, Alexander Ovechkin is my favorite player. As was, always is, and always will be. I think he’s the best player in the world and I will fight you to the death over it. I also apparently share the opinion of the entire NHL, because hey, they voted him MVP this year for the third time in a row. (And let me tell you, I still chuckle when I remember that after everything that he did and everything Sedin did, they still voted him. He just won’t go away.)
So this year he had an unfortunately early start to the offseason and hit the World Championships. He got in lots of shenanigans in Vegas. He became a godfather (that’s a leap of faith) and has been enjoying the company of lots of women. He hung out on a boat and wore a speedo, which was not one of his best ideas. His new “girlfriend” has the most outrageously long hair I’ve ever seen. I seriously don’t understand. Where does she put it when she does stuff? Does she move it out of the way when she sits down?
And then, dear readers, he got a job. And not just any job. He is now the advisor to the president of Moscow Dynamo, a KHL club.
Like, where to I even begin? I guess for such a famous athlete to work with a club from his home is a good idea. But, he’s not just an “advisor.” He’s a paid employee. That is so awesome on so many levels. What does he even advise him on? Drills to run with the team? Players to go after? Which tie looks good with that suit?
Is he secretly acting as a spy, giving NHL secrets to the KHL? Is this like the Cold War all over again? Does he get vacation days and sick days? It’s all a lot to consider. I think it’s very cool that he’s doing this and is having a “productive summer.” (The previous term, by the way, is a dirty, dirty term. Why would I want my summer to be productive, various adults?) And even though he’s getting paid, supposedly the salary is small. But still. This guy is a professional athlete who makes like $9 million a year, and he’s a salaried employee this summer anyway.
“What did you do this summer, Mike Green?”
“I got a lot of tattoos and worked on my man boobs.”
“What did you do this summer, Alex Ovechkin?”
“I was advisor to the president of a KHL hockey club.”
Well, maybe not an ‘A.’ Because Jay Mohr was terrible. But you know what? I have now watched the NHL Awards twice through (I’ll explain) and once again I’m reminded of how much I love this sport and this league.
Last night I missed half of the acceptance speeches because we were LOLing too hard (after Ryan’s, we proceeded to thank Noureen for all the other guys when they gave their speeches) and we were complaining too much during Jay Mohr’s stuff to completely appreciate it. We did, however, enjoy the Bobby Ryan/Ryan Getzlaf skit. Genius. It was funny, it was entertaining, even my mother cracked up. I love things like that. These guys have such great personalities and the league really should showcase that.
Today I watched my recording of it, which was fantastic. I could fast-forward through all the awkward banter and bad musical performances and just watch the acceptance speeches and player bits. It was quite nice.
I’m always down for a good “Alex Ovechkin looks like a caveman” joke, but Bigfoot? Really? I also thoroughly enjoyed his acceptance speech. I’ll be honest, I was surprised he won the Ted Lindsay award. I knew there was always the chance he’d win but I didn’t actually think he would. And while him winning that made me think he really did have a shot at the Hart, I’m okay with the way things turned out. Alex was voted most valuable player by his peers (I pointed this out ad nauseam to my Sidney Crosby fan friend last night around two in the morning until she threw a pillow at me), Hank got recognition from the media for what really was a great season, and Sid got the “we feel bad that we don’t have any other award to give you so we’re giving you this award” award. HA.
But I must admit, Sid did look completely out of his element last night. Poor kid.
I have a theory that it was actually Daniel accepting the awards tonight, and I’d like to keep it that way in my mind.
I love Tyler even more for his speech but the poor thing needs a little work on the hair. God bless his soul, I can’t wait until he wins ten Norris trophies.
Ryan Miller can work skinny ties like it’s nobody’s business. I’m very picky about who wears skinny ties, but he gets my seal of approval.
Mike Green, this is what you get for being a fatty and a crappy defenseman. Yay Duncs!
I cried when Theo was accepting his award. I have no problem admitting that. What a guy. I hope he ends up somewhere good next year.
(Seriously, Darcy, I’ve been saying for at least a year that you need to get him here to back up Ryan. He’d be a great backup!!)
I think I’m going to hunt down Pavel Datsyuk and get him ordained so he can marry me or give a speech at my wedding or something. That guy is hilarious.
Patrick Kane is going to get herpes before he’s done in Vegas if he’s not careful. Good grief, Kaner.
(I know. Two posts in one day!! But I don’t have any more exams until Tuesday, so what the hey.)
So remember last year how everyone was talking about that charity poker tournamet various NHL personalities (including locally beloved Alex Ovechkin) were taking part in while in Vegas for the NHL Awards and how it would be on TV and then it NEVER WAS?
WELL, I flipped over to NHL Network to see what was on and lo and behold, it was the NHL Charity Shootout Poker!!! I know!!
I don’t usually play Texas Hold ‘Em when I play poker so I really have no idea what’s going on. But Alex is being ridic and there’s actual commentary, so I just might make it through a few more minutes before I give up and flip over to E!.
This is the craziest thing ever. Did you know there are professional poker players out there?!
IMPORTANT UPDATE: JR is about to shank Eddie O. This is what I call entertaining television.
I figure we’ve got plenty of time so I won’t talking about the Stupid F***ing Ice Bowl that’s being announced later today (typical NHL, so desperate to work Crosby in that they’re announcing an event featuring him [and Alex] the day before the Cup Finals are starting, which don’t include him. But I can’t be too made that the Caps are visitors because as everyone has been pointing out, the visitor goes to the Cup Finals. Fair trade off.), but I would like to present my worthless well thought out predictions. And I would like to talk about the in-studio guest NBC is hosting during the game tomorrow night.
First, the pick. This is hard for me. Everyone is picking Chicago. Chicago is so trendy and they’re so good and everyone just loves them and thinks that even if it takes six or seven games, they’ll win. First of all, I think the problem I have with Chicago is that while I like quite a few of their players on an individual basis (Toews is so good, and, I mean, I own a Toews shirt for a reason), when they’re assessed holistically they make me think of that stuck-up jock at high school who knows he’s all that and knows he’s talented and attractive and somewhat funny and just assumes that everyone will love him. I’m not saying they’re not a really good team, because they are. Don’t get me wrong, I realize they’re talented and they do have a really good chance of winning it all this year. But they’re the star quarterback, and that gets on my nerves a little.
Then there’s Philadelphia. Philadelphia has essentially flipped off the hockey community by winning the Eastern Conference because everyone figured they were done for back in December when they switched coaches and celebrated by getting spanked by the Capitals, specifically one Lars Nicklas Backstrom (10 YEARS!!!!). Then when they finally snuck into the playoffs, everyone wanted to play them because they knew it would be an easy win. I was included in that list as far as the Caps’ first round matchup was concerned. I didn’t want the Sabres to play them because I knew Richards would score at least 16 shorties during the series.
But I digress. All of a sudden the Flyers are playing for the Stanley Cup and aside from the part where they’re on like their eighteenth goalie, they look like the team everyone picked before the season started. I hate the Flyers with a passion, but they’ve got something good going too. And as much as I detest them, I honestly think they have a legitimate chance of winning. That’s why I have a problem just picking the Blackhawks in six, because I think if Philadelphia plays the way they have for the past few rounds I think they could actually win the Cup. And if that happened, I’d have to kill myself and then cancel my subscription to the Buffalo News.
So now I don’t know if I should just pick Chicago anyway, because their goalie isn’t so high risk in the “complete meltdown” category, or pick Philadelphia because I think they could do it and I wanted to be able to say I picked them. I feel like this is one of those things where you have to see how each team plays against each other but that’s a cop out.
I think I’m gonna go with the Flyers because of all of the above reasons and also because Hossa plays for Chicago. I may have made it this far without mentioning him and his curse, but it clearly plays some significance. Don’t ever piss off the hockey gods. So, yeah. Philadelphia. I’m certainly not rooting for them, I just think that they could actually do it. Dare to be different!
I’m going to need a long shower when this is all over with.
NBC must realize, however, how I feel about these teams, because they’ve added some intermission entertainment to the game tomorrow night. None other than Buffalo’s own Ryan Miller will be taking the stage with Pierre and Mike to wear one of his uber trendy suits, discuss the game, and hopefully diffuse the tension that will surely build between Pierre and Mike. Personally, I’d rather just see him in between benches instead, but I realize this won’t happen.
As I would just like to remind everyone, I have an amazingly excellent track record with my favorite players doing intermission reports on NBC.
I actually haven’t watched this interview in quite some time, so I had forgotten how magnificently awkward it was and how deep and insightful it got with the learning stuff. If Ryan Miller’s appearance is half as epic as this one, I will consider it to have been a success.
See, guys? NBC can get it right every once and a while!
However, it has to be said:
1.) I picked Montreal. Yep, I did. I can’t link it because I’m on my phone but you can go see it for yourself.
2.) Karma’s a bitch, huh, Pittsburgh?
Something I previously had trouble doing was give Montreal credit. The Habs played out of their minds in both series and I won’t be surprised to see them in the Finals. Which is crazy, but something clicked with them.
Halak is going to be a really, really rich guy this summer.
The Caps may have choked away their series (although like I said, you have to give Montreal credit), but Alex statistically had a better series than Crosby (I’m pretty sure he had more points than Crosby and Malkin combined, but we’ll leave that for another day), so enough from you Pittsburgh homers/Ovechkin haters. Alex also didn’t board anyone in the first minute of his game 7, so, yeah.
I could be a lot meaner and a lot more of a homer than I already am being, but those people piss me off so I’ll stop.
I just have to say this: Gonchar looked like Mike Green on that one goal. He just gave up. Yikes.
And I have to admit: Halak it! Halak it a lot!!
Yes, the Caps won 6-3 (and let me tell you something, Alexander Ovechkin looked BEYOND RIDICULOUS in his postgame interview with his ripped off sleeves and his hardhat. Me: “He looks like a gay construction worker.” Mom: “You’re completely right.” [ed. note: I mean this in a really affectionate way, trust me]). That was fun and I’m looking forward to Friday night.
But the Sabres lost in the second overtime because Drew Stafford is a worthless pile of poo and now they’re down 3-1 and there’s no way they’re gonna come back from that and I’m not even going to be able to see the game Friday so I won’t see them again until October and I’m sad and Ryan Miller deserves so much better and at this point he should probably just go on a killing spree or something because it’s not like his teammates care about him.
AND Colorado lost last night. That’s just the sour icing on the overcooked, dried-out cake.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE CAPS FINALLY WOKE UP!!!! WOOO!!! I STILL DON’T LIKE MIKE GREEN!!!!! WOO!! MATT BRADLEY IS SUCH AN AWESOME SECRET WEAPON TO HAVE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!! WOO!!
The Alex/Nicki near-makeout after Alex’s goal will go down as my favorite playoffs moment possibly ever, regardless of what happens in the rest of the playoffs. I think that’s the best celebration I’ve ever seen.
Those freakin’ Sabres make me so freakin’ angry. Vanek would’ve made a huge difference, but from what I saw in the third period they looked like a disinterested pile of crap and from what I saw on Twitter it sounds like it wasn’t much different during the first two periods. Ryan Miller deserves so much better.
Dear Sabres Not Named Ryan Miller,
Has it even occurred to you douchebags that he’s nominated for the Vezina Trophy? Has it even occurred to you that you could argue that the nomination is in spite of you?
I Don’t Like You Very Much Right Now,
Indulge me for a moment and allow me to be the 800th person to comment on how it seems like the season just started. I really can’t believe the playoffs are already here, but they are. Woo!!
The Sabres went out with a bang, pulling Lala who proceeded to crash into the ref and go right into the boards. That seems somehow fitting for what will most likely be his last game in Buffalo. Good luck, Patty. You always seemed like a nice guy.
Buffalo did, however, lose, which means they get Boston in the first round.
1.) This will most likely be the most boring series in the history of the world.
2.) I know that Boston hasn’t been too good this year but Raask has been playing really well and I am a little worried for Buffalo. Miller will be fine barring some sort of meltdown (please God, NO) but it seems like the Sabres just can’t seem to score against Boston. This could be problematic.
I’d like to think that the Sabres will win and I’m trying to be optimistic, but this is the Sabres. I think it really could go either way.
I’m totally over the whole Richard thing. For Alex to keep it that close while missing ten games is really impressive in and of itself. And the season for the team was so magical that it really just would have been extra frosting on the cake, and even I, the frosting queen, know there is such a thing as too much frosting.
The Capitals will be playing the Canadiens in the first round. Montreal has had a few really good stretches this season and Halak had been awesome and I seem to recall Theo having a meltdown in that one came up in Montreal, but I feel like the Caps should be able to get this one done.
Ottawa is playing Pittsburgh, which is convenient because that means one will go home. I can’t decide which team I hate more but I feel like it would be better if the Pens got knocked out first. Thomas Vanek OWNS the Sens now!! The Sabres can beat them!! Their mindtricks will work no more!
I have faith that San Jose will perform their annual chokejob, and I feel really bad that Phoenix has to play Detroit. If they beat the Wings then they truly are blessed.
This might come out as one of those stories that interests only me and therefore should have stayed in my head. However, since the Capitals are playing the Penguins tonight (and, for the record, the Sabres have a chance to once again choke clinch the division against the Rangers), I thought it would be a good time for the story I promised you all.
So it’s Thursday night. I finally elbowed my way down to the glass for warmups and I was a little woozy since I wacked my thigh about eighteen times on the arms of seats as I passed (the bruise is huge and is on at least its seventh color by now). I still had a few minutes to kill since Washington fans are crazy and sit ten rows deep down in the Caps’ end to watch them warm up. Then a little boy, probably around eight, came down and asked if anyone was standing next to me since there was a little room. I said no. He was pudgy, had on a Caps Ovechkin shirt, and a Boston College hat. If he was older I would have given him hell for that hat.
He noticed the eight on the sleeve of my jersey and commented (in that insanely cute way little boys do when they decide they’re going to be your friend) that I must like Ovechkin. I replied that yes, I do, and came all the way from Buffalo to see him. He told me that he came from Ohio with his friend, who was standing next to him, looked about 13, and glared at me when I said hello. He then said that I must be a huge Miller fan if I was from Buffalo.
(For the record, I find very few things quite as adorable as little boys who know a lot about hockey. I could have conversations about power plays with five year olds all day.)
I said that I was and had been since before the Olympics. He said that the gold medal goal still hurt. I said it was even worse that Crosby scored it. He agreed, looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to him, then leaned in and whispered, “I really don’t like Crosby that much.”
He looked like he had said something dirty, which made him even cuter, so I told him that fear not, I don’t like him that much either. He nodded then told me that his grandparents are friends with Sid’s parents and he had met him a few times. Since I didn’t want to start one of my anti-Crosby rants, I asked if Sid was nice. He nodded and assured me that he’s a real gentleman. Then he looked around again like he was afraid he was going to be caught, leaned in, and whispered, “He really hates Ovechkin.”
Now, he might have totally been making this up and playing me. But I’ve spent way too much time babysitting boys in that age group and I’m pretty good at picking out when they’re making stuff up and honestly, this kid sounded sincere.
I think it’s really cute that Sidney supposedly dislikes Alex so much that he’s going around telling eight year olds this.
Tomorrow, bright and early, I will be leaving for The DC Adventure. I can’t decide which part I’m more excited about. Washington is one of my favorite places on the planet, so the thought of going there AND seeing the Caps play is really exciting.
I may or may not live-blog the car ride down there since I finally got myself a car charger for my phone. That depends on how bored I get/how obnoxious I want to be. Stay tuned.
I’ll be at the game tomorrow night which will supposedly be shown on Versus….? Like I said in a previous post, I think I’ll have an embarrassing sign with me. I plan on making it during the Sabres game tonight. I have no shame. (But don’t worry, it doesn’t involve marriage proposals. So I guess I do have a little shame.)
Friday we’re doing all the Washington monuments and memorials and a few museums. We’ve already had several heated debates within the family about which ones to go to, since some of us have seen certain museums more often than others. I hope to hit up the Holocaust Museum for visit #4 because that one never gets old and I’d like to see the Smithsonian Museum of American History since out of the Smithsonians I’ve seen that one the least. Actually, I’m not sure if I’ve ever been there. Hmm. I can’t wait to see the cherry blossoms. I’ve already been there one other time when they were in bloom and if you haven’t then trust me on this: it’s one of those things you’ve got to see before you die.
We talked about going to a Caps practice if they have one but nixed it. Oh well, that’ll give me an excuse to come back for a game.
I fully plan on taking a picture with the Capstronaut if he’s there. 100%. I will also be getting one with Slapshot. I’m bringing my coupon from the Caps Kids Club (where the kids get in the game!) to redeem for my Slapshot bobblehead. I may or may not lie about whether the bobblehead is for me or my “younger sister,” but if they ask for my membership ID (Yeah, I know. I have an ID card and everything. It’s legit.) I’ll have to be honest with them.
The Caps have looked none too good lately and I’m thinking that 1.) it’s because Brooks was out and he’ll be returning tomorrow night so no worries! and 2.) little a-holes, slumping right before I come to a game.
Several members of my family are a little disappointed to learn that instead of seeing Ilya Kovalchuk and the Thrashers, they’re seeing the Ex-Sabres. I’m just excited to see Zachity Zach.
Alex Ovechkin WILL have a crappy game tomorrow night. He will not register any points, he’ll look terrible, people will scratch their heads. I promise. It always happens when I’m at the games. I guess it’s three cheers for consistency.
The Sabres better beat the snot out of Florida because Ottawa is breathing down their necks and they just need to get the points and lock this baby up.