Thursday Ramblings (#52)

January 8, 2009 at 10:27 am | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, All Star Game, Andrew Peters, Buffalo Sabres, Happy!!, Jarkko Ruutu, Mats Sundin, New York Rangers, Sidney Crosby, Thomas Vanek, Tim Connolly, Tim Connolly must be made of toothpicks and chewing gum, Vancouver Canucks, Washington Capitals | 5 Comments
  • SNOW DAY!  And for once they canceled early enough for me to turn off my alarm before it went off six times and fall back asleep for two hours.  Two whole hours.  It was fabulous.  The October Storm aside, I think we broke the record for the most snow days in the shortest period of time.  Three snow days in less than two school weeks?  Madness!   The only bad thing is that now if we get another snow day they’ll chop days off our Memorial Weekend.  Eh.  (But why couldn’t this have happened tomorrow?  I have to swim again tomorrow, and that pool is disgusting.  I scrubbed in the shower last night and I still smell like chlorine.)
  • Mats made his debut last night with the Canucks.  They won, but Mats was held shotless and pointless.  Ah, well.  I can’t wait to see him skate on a line with the Sedins.
  • Oh, the love that is a new Alex interview!  This one is pretty good, Dear Readers.  The guy they dubbed it with sounds kind of like a robot, but you occasionally get to hear Alex’s sexy Russian.  (Speaking of Russian, I was totally jealous of Andre in the second question on my French quiz yesterday.  He had just visited Russia!)  I’m not sure which part was the best: the dancing, the lucky scissors, or the eggs.  Just for the record, while I would probably camp out on his front step or something, I would never do anything as random as putting two eggs on the end of his driveway.  (Kudos to whoever did, however.  That’s a pretty spectacular idea)
  • Montreal beat New York last night thanks to Robert Lang’s tour du chapeau.  The third goal of it apparently came when New York had a 6-on-3?  That’s hilarious.  The Rangers couldn’t score when they had a three man advantage.  Even Atlanta can do that.  Buffalo needs the win tomorrow night, because New York is only six points ahead of them.  All these teams are starting to fall apart!  What is up with that?
  • The standings are really close.  We at TFF Headquarters were studying them last night and decided that it’s going to come right down to the wire.  It’ll be really interesting to see who ends up in and who ends up out.  (Washington is not that far behind Boston, guys.  It’s actually starting to look like they might have a realistic chance to bump Boston out of the top spot.)  We also decided last night that Buffalo has to move up in the standings so that they aren’t playing Washington this spring, because if we are faced with a Washington/Buffalo playoff series, I’m leaving the country.  (My first hockey dream is to one day see the Sabres lift the Stanley Cup.  My second is to see Alex lift that bad boy.)
  • Timmy is coming back on Friday.  We were also placing bets last night on how long he would last.  I’ve got money on him tripping over himself on his third shift and being out for the rest of the season with a broken neck.
  • East All Star Reserves getting named today.  Tvan will be representing Buffalo, I’m sure of it.  If there’s a more deserving player, I have yet to see him.  It will be interesting to see who else makes the cut.  Other than Alex, of course, because the  league needs to have their annual press conference.  You know, the one where Sid and Alex sit together and the reporters ask Sid questions for about twenty minutes and Alex politely sits there and then at the very end they ask him a stupid question about what it’s like “getting a chance to play with Sidney.”
  • Andrew Peters is one of the most politically correct players I have ever heard.  He is saying all the right things throughout this whole bite incident.  And he’s absolutely right, too.  I don’t care if “cannibalism” (oh Lindy, ILY!) is a dirty part of the game that’s kept hush-hush.  Jarkko Ruutu is setting a bad example for all the kids who look up to hockey players.  He’s making the sport look bad, and hockey should be on SportsCenter more often than when someone gets bit.

Sidney Crosby Doesn’t Date

August 3, 2008 at 12:33 pm | Posted in Mats Sundin, Maxim Afinogenov, Randomness, Sidney Crosby | 3 Comments

I was looking over my blog stats a few minutes ago, and I keep seeing that I get hit by people searching “sidney crosby date life,” etc.  I don’t see why you people bother.  I have a bit of news for you, so you can all stop searching.  (But by all means, keep coming back here!  We’ve got loads of stuff more interesting than Sid the Kid’s love life!!)

Sidney Crosby does not date.  His love life is basically nonexistent, unless you count hockey as a romantic companion.  And this isn’t just me being anti-Sid.  This is me tell you that in an interview, when asked if he had a girlfriend, Sidney replied, “It’s hard!!”      Yes, Sid.  Dating girls is very hard if your preferences are, er, different.

I have no problem with who he is as a person.  I just thought I would let you know that he doesn’t date.  Sorry, ladies.

 

I also found it hilarious that people keep searching “mats sundin wife” and “max afinogenov sexy” because a) I thought that Mats was just engaged.  I might be wrong.  I also might not care, and b) Max Afinogenov is the anti-sexy.  I really don’t get why he has all these teenaged girls swooning over him.  I certainly don’t swoon whenever he is mentioned.  I usually run for the next room.

I Finished ‘Breaking Dawn,’ Sid Crosby in Charleston, and Other Notes

August 3, 2008 at 12:08 pm | Posted in Bobbleheads, Mats Sundin, Randomness, Sidney Crosby | Leave a comment

So, I finished it.  It took almost the entire car ride, but I finished.  It was entirely different from my all my theories.  I was basically in “holy shit” mode until the last 20 pages.  It was a bit too anti-climactic for me.  I was expecting something else.  If they stay true to the book, this will be an R-rated movie.  I also can’t wait to see Kristen Stewart try to play Bella in it.  I love Jacob Black with a passion.  He officially has earned Frostee’s Unrequited Love.  

So we stopped in Charleston yesterday to walk around and buy pralines.  We even saw Jennifer Love Hewitt (or her clone).  Her skirt was very cute.  When we were walking by the market, my dad randomly goes, “You know who I would totally expect to see here, because no one would recognize him?”  And when I asked who, he replied, “Sidney Crosby.”  I then pointed out that I would notice him, and would hurl myself down the street screaming his name at the top of my lungs, embrace him, and promise him that it’s going to be okay.  That wasn’t the end of it, though.  When we were walking back to the car, which was parked in a lot hotter than the Caps’ ice surface come playoff time, we saw a sign for Crosby’s Towing.  Of course, I cracked up, picturing Sid in a towtruck with a little Penguins bumper sticker.  So, in case anyone was wondering what Sidney does in the summer, he runs a towing business in Charleston, South Carolina.  

Miguel is hilarious when he talks in his sleep.  It definitely wasn’t English, but it was funny.

I still have motherfucking shorts tan, and that bugs me.  I sat out in the beating, afternoon sun for hours on end with absolutely zero sunscreen and I still have the stupid tan line I got from sitting out with shorts on for about ten minutes at a Little League game in May.  I do not care how much Evgeni Malkin likes them.  (This is the part where I link you to a picture of Malkin with a wicked shorts tan, but since the internet is retarded I still can’t find it after 15 minutes of looking)

At 3:45 in the morning, all I want is my toothbrush.  That’s why I will stand in front of the open trunk and just say “toothbrush” over and over again until the suitcase with my toothbrush in it is in my hands.

You may recall that I had promised you a surprise when I got home.  Well, it’s looking unlikely at this point.  Since my camera is a complete fuckup, my memory card finally crapped out on my at the ripe old age of one.  I took a picture on my cell phone too, but it’s kinda crappy.  I will look into putting it up here, but if I don’t I will just tell you what it is.  It isn’t really worth all this grief, though.

Like I said, my camera is a fuckup, so I currently can’t introduce you to my new best friend, Super Hank.  He’s a superhero, and his alter ego is a bottle of Hank’s Root Beer.  He and I have become much closer than the bobbleheads could ever hope for, because Super Hank has a cape.  If the bobbleheads get capes, Hank will be down to #3 on my list.

Mats Sundin has not made a decision yet.  Does anyone really care?

The times that show up with when I publish each post are wrong.  I keep going into settings and trying to change it, but it doesn’t work.  Suck it up.

I should probably go unpack, but I really don’t want to.  My clothes won’t get that wrinkly.

The Hotties and Notties of the NHL, Part 2

July 18, 2008 at 5:19 pm | Posted in Brian Campbell, Chris Drury, Daniel Alfredsson, Daniel Briere, Drew Stafford, Jordan Staal, Mats Sundin, Maxim Afinogenov, Mike Comrie, Ray Emery, Sean Avery, Sidney Crosby, Thomas Vanek, Tim Connolly, Toni Lydman, Zdeno Chara | 2 Comments

Several days ago, we took a look at the 20 hottest players in the NHL.  Today, we will be focusing on the 20 ugliest guys in the league.

The Notties (In no particular order)

Max Afinogenov, Buffalo Sabres.     Sucking is not hot, Max.  Neither is working for the Russian Mafia.

 

 

Mike Modano, Dallas Stars.  Basically, this is just leftover from the 1999 Stanley Cup Finals.  I actually do kinda like him for looking like Jon Heder’s clone.  And that chipmunk face he made in that Stanley Cup Playoffs promo.

 

Thomas Vanek, Buffalo Sabres.  $50 million is not attractive.  Especially not for the “Vanek Attack.”  It’s also not that attractive admitting on television that when you aren’t playing hockey, you are playing X-box.

 

Brett Hull, Dallas Stars.   YOU SUCK!!!!

 

 

 

Drew Stafford, Buffalo Sabres.  In keeping with my whole, “Jacob is better than Edward” thing, I just have this to say: Drinking the blood of virgins is not attractive, Staffy.  I’m sorry.

 

 

Zdeno Chara, Boston Bruins.  Basically, Zdeno, I’m just scared of what you’ll do to poor, short little Nathan Gerbe next year.  That’s all.

 

 

Mats Sundin, Current Team Unknown.  Okay, Mats.  Either sign that 2 year, $20 million offer in Vancouver so that after an October game we never have to see your overrated ass again, or go to back to Sweden and never bother us again.

 

Dominik Hasek, Detroit Red Wings.

I refused to believe that he’s really retiring, in light of all this Brett Favre drama.  But don’t think I don’t know what you did to get out of Buffalo, Dominik.  Don’t think for a second that we all don’t know.

Daniel Briere, Philadelphia Flyers.  There is nothing hot about a greasy whore.  There isn’t anything hot about spearing a totally innocent guy in the balls, either.

 

Daniel Alfredsson, Ottawa Senators.  We know that your team was sucking majorly, Alfie, but that’s no excuse for firing a puck at Scott Niedermayer’s face.  Getting swept in the first round by a bunch of underaged boys isn’t all that attractive, either.

 

Brian Campbell, Chicago Blackhawks.  There is nothing hot about greed, Soupy.  There isn’t anything hot about your hair with your new ‘hawks jersey either.  I hope you freeze at the Winter Classic this year.

 

 

Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins.  Okay, I am fully aware that I am going to be attacked by a herd of angry Crosby fangirls.  (And angry fanboys)  And please understand, it’s not that I don’t like him.  I do like him.  Actually, I feel really bad for the kid.  He has no friends.  
He has no idea how to do an interview without getting an assistant coach somewhere fired.  I would totally be Sidney’s friend.  I really would.  

All that said, I have to tell you, Sid.  If you have any hope of getting off the Nottie list and onto the Hottie one, you need to stop admitting that Mario talks to you about having safe sex with girls.  Very uncool.

Toni Lydman, Buffalo Sabres.   Just…..no.

 

 

 

Jeff Finger, Toronto Maple Leafs.  

Who are you????

 

 

Tim Connolly, Buffalo Sabres.  I’m really sorry, Timmy.  I do like you, I really do.  It’s just…you’re too, well, fragile for my taste.  Sorry about all this.

 

 

Mike Comrie, New York Islanders.  I am well aware that he is dating Hilary Duff.  I had to wade through a whole mess of pictures of them kissing just to find this one.  But sleeping with your ex-teammate’s wife is not hot.  Infidelity gets you on the Nottie list, Mike.  

 

Jordan Staal, Pittsburgh Penguins.  It’s his mugshot.  Need I say more?

 

 

 

Chris Drury, New York Rangers.  A picture’s worth a thousand words.  Chris Drury, however, is not.

 

 


Sean Avery, Dallas Stars.  I don’t care if Marty Brodeur is fat, and I don’t care if he slept with his wife’s sister-in-law.  He is still a totally badass goalie, and therefore Sean should not be waving his stick like an idiot in front of his face.  No wonder Elisha Cuthbert dumped him.

Ray Emery, Russian League.  I know that he technically no longer plays in the NHL, but I figured for him I could make an exception.  He does drugs, fights with his teammates, and had a convicted rapist on his mask.  N-O-T-T-I-E!

 

 

 

And that about sums it up!  I was really surprised with some of the people who ended up on this list; I guess some guys were just so ugly I blocked out their names.

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