It WAS Funny! I DID Laugh! (#55, #56)

January 25, 2009 at 8:48 am | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, All Star Game, Carey Price, Evgeni Malkin, Frostee Loves Way Too Many Guys, Happy!!, Patrick Kane, Players, Thomas Vanek, Tim Thomas, Twins Named Lundqvist, Zdeno Chara | 7 Comments

From the red carpet, which DID NOT disappoint:

Best interview of the year, right there:

Gary (That’s his name, right?): So, Alex, do you know what you’re going to do tonight?

Alex  (Looking SPECTACULAR in his Dolce suit and red tie): Yeah.  It’s gonna be funny. 

Gary  (Looking supremely confused):  Uh-huh.  Well, ladies and gentlemen, with Alex-

Alex:  Funny.  Fun.  You’re gonna laugh.

Our kids will be so articulate.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m positively giddy with the thought of it.

  • Reader Award to anyone who can find me a hockey player with an ugly kid.  I am so in love with hockey players’ children, it’s not even funny.  TimTom’s daughter, with her pink jacket and fur-trimmed hood, clutching his hand, positively killed me.  Adorable. 
  • Thomas Vanek, what the FUCK did you do to your hair?
  • Ryan Getzlaf was WORKING that tie.
  • Henrik Lundqvist is so pretty.  
  • I have officially fallen in love with Carey Price.  There is nothing that boy man could do to make me stop loving him.  That suit?  The tie/shirt combo?  Saying he’s looking pretty good for a boy from the farm?  LOVE!
  • Poor Pkane appears to be suffering from a breakout.  Aw.  Pkane, might I suggest Biore?
  • Speaking of Patty, are he and Jonathan Toews now interchangeable?
  • Whoa.  Jarome Iginla, where have you been all my life?
  • Ditto for Dan Boyle.
  • Zdeno Chara, what’s up with that scarf?

From the Superskillz:

84439672Yeah.  I know.

Just a warning, every single post on this  blog might revolve around this picture from now on.  I haven’t decided yet.

 

Um, does this picture (and the Twitter updates?) mean that Alex and Evgeni actually ARE friends again?  Because screw pressure from the Russian media.  You don’t do this unless the guy is your BFF.

84439600

Why Yes, I DID Rewind Multiple Times (#54)

January 24, 2009 at 9:51 am | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, All Star Game, Carey Price, Evgeni Malkin, Frostee Loves Way Too Many Guys, Patrick Kane, Sidney Crosby | Leave a comment
  • Dear Readers, I have documented before how the immortal words “Why you quit?” have had a serious impact on my life.  I love Alex for saying them, and that quote is definitely in the top five of my favorite Alex quotes.  Last night, as soon as my parents left and I decided I was due for a “study break,” I rushed over to the TV and rewound to see if they interviewed Alex earlier.  The man – whose name I STILL can’t remember! – did in fact interview him, and the first thing he brought up was The Interview, in Dallas two years ago.  Dear Readers, ALEX mentioned up how he had told the man he would talk to George about getting him a coaching job for the Caps, and the man reminisced about teaching Alex that coaches are fired and that they don’t quit.  I…just…love him.
  • Pkane was looking AWESOME, if I do say so myself.  I wouldn’t mind seeing him get a little trim, though.  And Man Whose Name I Can’t Remember, I agree with you wholeheartedly.  Pkane and Mr. Toes Toews have beautiful faces.
  • Oh Sid.  You’re such a good person.  You knew the minute you dropped out that you would still come up to Montreal, but that you didn’t want to steal any of the attention from the other players.  He has to realize that merely by being there he’s stealing attention.  He is, after all, Sidney Crosby.  And you also bashed two of the best players in the NHL.  It may have been inadvertent, but was I the only one who got the feeling that he was secretly thinking, “Ha, I am Sidney Crosby, the master of hockey, and I come to All Star games even when I’m hurt.  Unlike those weak Red Wings”?
  • Carey Price is hot.  Like, really, really hot.  Smokin’ hot.  I knew there was a reason I picked him as my Playoffs Boyfriend in the second round last year.  (Hey, I warned you I would get fangirl-y this weekend)
  • Yeah.  Sure.  I refuse to believe that the biggest bitch fight since Serena and Blair, season one, is over.  It would be just like the NHL/Russian newspapers to make it seem like their two Russian stars are once again BFFs.  I, for one, think it’s much more interesting when they’re at each other’s throats.
  • I really think it’s stupid that the NHL makes such a big deal about the All Star Game.  In the long run, wouldn’t they rather have their star players healthy for the playoffs and the second half of the season?  Yeesh.  Don’t make them sit a game.
  • From what they’ve shown on the NHL Network so far, it looks like Montreal did a great job getting ready for the weekend.  All those interactive games are like the ones they have at the Hall of Fame in Toronto, and they’re a lot of fun.  Props to the batshit crazy fans of Montreal for putting on a good party.
  • I have a paper cut right on the top of my left pointer finger and it hurts to do EVERYTHING.  Typing this right now is killing me.  The sacrifices I make for you people…
  • Studying?  Is not fun.  I would much rather watch Mamma Mia! six times and then watch the All Star coverage.

(More) Things That Are Bad

January 22, 2009 at 4:26 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, All Star Game, Buffalo Sabres, Evgeni Malkin, Losing Sucks, Randomness, Sidney Crosby, Tampa Bay Lightning, This Irks Me, What Is Up With All These Injuries? | 1 Comment
  • The Sabres.
  • The injuries to the Sabres defensemen.
  • The Rape of Nanking.
  • AIDS Day.  You know that scene in Mean Girls when the gym teacher says, “If you have sex, you will catch Chlamydia and die”?  That was what today was.  “If you don’t wear a finger condom, you will catch HIV.”  And if that guy said “girl fluids” one more time, I was going to throw my French binder at him.
  • My teacher’s story about Alexander Mogilny.  One of her friends was engaged to him but broke it off when she decided that his rules of having no friends and always obeying him weren’t the greatest.  After she dumped him he ended up with a nice Russian girl who doesn’t speak any English.  You know what?  I…refuse to believe that my Alex is like that.  I would rather continue living in my own little fantasy.
  • Sidney dropping out of the All Star Game.  But only bad for NHL.  What are they going to do without their star player two years in a row?  (And, uh, does this mean that Alex will get bumped up to the starting line?  Or would they not do that to protect him?  ‘Cause, you know, with Geno and everything…)
  • The “Flora and Ignatius Should Be A Couple” Bandwagon.  Get off it, people.  I don’t care if our Latin class has a history of setting people off.  Get off that bandwagon right now.
  • Losing to the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Honesty Is The Best Policy

January 15, 2009 at 4:27 pm | Posted in All Star Game, Buffalo Sabres, Chicago Blackhawks, Chris Clark, Evgeni Malkin, Get Yer Paws Off My Man, Losing Sucks, Patrick Kane, Patrick Lalime, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sidney Crosby, This Irks Me, Washington Capitals, What Is Up With All These Injuries?, Winning Is Totally Awesome | 3 Comments

(check out the update at the bottom)

And that is why I’m going to be honest with you.  I did not watch the Sabres game last night, Dear Readers.  I didn’t.  And you know why?  Because EVERY SINGLE TIME I FLIPPED OVER the Sabres were either NOT SCORING ON A SIX MINUTE POWER PLAY or Lala was HANGING OUT IN THE FACE-OFF CIRCLE WHILE CHICAGO PLAYERS WERE SWARMING THE NET or LETTING WACKY-DOODLE GOALS IN.  (I don’t know if it’s because he just doesn’t play enough, or if he turned off the game-winning part of his brain over the summer, but Lala has got to change something. Stat.)  Maybe the 55 minutes I didn’t watch last night were different, but the five minutes I did see were craptastically bad.  I’m kind of glad I didn’t watch, because now I don’t have to talk about the pile of poo that is the Buffalo Sabres.  (But, uh, If Rej is hurt, wouldn’t putting Chris Butler back in be the most logical move?)

Maybe the Sabres were trying to punish me for not watching them.  That’s kind of stupid on their part, because I made it quite clear that I would watch the more exciting game last night.  And while the Caps/Pens game was pretty boring in the first and second period, it was outrageously awesome in the third.  Alexxxx scored TWICE to tie Jeff Carter’s league lead, Semie scored, Washington killed off a two minute 5-on-3, Jose wasn’t TOO sucky, Bruce was angry, life was good.  My jersey snapped its losing streak in a big way.  And Pittsburgh?  Not so good at hockey.  Evgeni Malkin needs to lay off Alex, though.  Everyone thought Alex would be the one trying to grind Geno into the ice, but it was the other way around.  I was screaming my head off by the time they finally called that cross-check in the first.  I’m kind of intrigued by the whole Crosby injury, merely because I have no idea how the NHL will react if Sid has to miss the All Star Game two years in a row.  I wonder who they will use to replace him on the top line!  (Frostee’s Dad has a theory that it’ll be Alex Semin, and if for some odd reason that did happen, I think I would die laughing.)

Tonight the Sabres play Dallas.  I’m kind of hoping Dallas can be mature about all this, unlike last  year when the Sabres made the trip to Big D.  Yes, Dallas, we get it.  You beat the Sabres in 1999.  You won the Stanley Cup.  You scored an ILLEGAL GOAL (and people wonder why Buffalo fans bitch about officiating), but you won.  Seriously, though, it was ten years ago.  Get over it.  I’m thinking Miller will be in net?  Which would be good, because right now he’s the only player on that team I trust.  I’ll most likely watch the whole game tonight, because all the teachers today told us to enjoy our FOUR day weekend, and at the bank a few minutes ago my mom overheard someone who works for the school district say there won’t be school tomorrow.  Awesome.  I have so much shit to do.  

Dear Bruce Boudreau,

Congrats on the win last night, Bruce.  You were the better team, and you deserved it.  I was just wondering.

Why in the name of God did you bench Chris Clark??  

No, no, don’t give me that, “Eric Fehr came back and we needed to scratch a winger” crap.  There are oodles of wingers on your team.  Chris Clark happens to be the CAPTAIN.  Since when do you scratch the CAPTAIN, especially if it has “nothing to do with play”??  This has nothing to do with my love friendship with admiration of Mr. Clark.  I just didn’t think benching the captain was something one usually did.

With Love,

Frostee

Dear Pkane,

Um, calling the other players in the Shootout Challenge “idiots” was probably not the best idea.  Just so you know.

With Love,

Frostee

***UPDATE***

So, remember how after the Bite Game I said how Jarkko must be a Twilight fan?  Yeah, well, Sports Illustrated copied me.  I was perusing the new issue and when they mentioned the bite, they mentioned that it was very Twilight-esque of him to do that.  I should have copy-righted that.  

More Ramblings: Bitch Fight Style

January 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Brian Campbell, Chris Butler, Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins, Sidney Crosby, Washington Capitals | 1 Comment
  • I HATE JAPAN.  Damn you, Japan, for being so confusing.  Damn you.
  • Rawr.  I’m going to be honest with you, Dear Readers.  I really, really want the claws to come out tonight.  I want Semin to start playing the Sidney Bongos and I want Alex and Evgeni to fight.  And I want it to be a REAL fight, none of that “let’s hug and skate in circles until the referees pull us apart” bullshit.
  • Last night’s Caps game?  Yucky.  Last night’s Pens game?  Yuckier.  But I have faith in the Caps tonight.  I’m going to study before the game, and I’m going to wear my jersey.  And even the Pens’ most faithful are getting worried.  In the immortal words of my friend Erin, who is hands-down the biggest Sidney/Penguins fan you’ll ever meet: “Yeah, well, the Penguins are going down the shitter.”
  • Ew.  Brian Campbell.  I am not looking forward to this matchup at all.  I was really pissed when he decided to sign there, because Chicago was going to be my Western Conference team.  I was going to be able to openly root for Pkane and Jonathan “Toes” Toews, but now I can’t.  Every year around my birthday I’ll remember about the time Soupy got traded because he didn’t want to stay in Buffalo.  
  • Um, okay, in this video at the 1:50 mark, is that someone in the background sneezing or shouting in Russian?  Because as we all know, thanks to my French homework, je ne comprends pas le russe ou le vietnamien.  (Dear Cameraman,  Those close-ups on his eyes?  Fabulous idea.  With Love,  Frostee)
  • Okay everybody.  Pray that tomorrow drops to twenty below, with the wind chill.  That’s the only way school will be canceled, which would be spectacular since a) I have swimming tomorrow and b) I have like eight kajillion projects that need to be done.
  • Clare is trying to sell me on 8:30 games.  We’ll see how it goes the next two nights.
  • Why is Chris Butler sitting?  WHY?!?!?!?!

HONK! HONK! HONK!

November 29, 2008 at 9:37 am | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Buffalo Sabres, Craig Rivet, Drew Stafford, Evgeni Malkin, Football, Frostee Loves Way Too Many Guys, Happy!!, Maxim Afinogenov, Patrick Kaleta, Paul Gaustad, Ryan Miller, Sidney Crosby, Thomas Vanek, Winning Is Totally Awesome | 2 Comments

PAUL GAUSTAD, ILY!!!

Paul Gaustad’s grandfather, you are hilarious and adorable and an awesome grandfather.

Referees, I hope you burn in hell.

Sidney Crosby, I would like you to stick that in your juicebox and suck it.

Ryan Miller, you are an awesome boyfriend and I love you.

Evgeni Malkin, just like my Search Engine Terms say, you are a retard.

Craig Rivet, in the first period when Talbot hit you and you went to the bench, we all kind of thought it looked like you were masturbating.  I’m really sorry, but it’s true.

Bulls, I’m mad at you for making me sit out in the freezing cold for three quarters and then starting to  score right after I leave and then losing.

Charles Dickens, I’m mad at you for writing Great Expectations.

Drew Stafford, I still think you’re kind of scary.

Max, someone must have told you this is a contract year.

Dear Readers, Alex Ovechkin has ONCE AGAIN proven his UNDYING LOVE for me by scoring his goal WHILE I WAS WATCHING.  And while his interview is adorable when he explains how important it was to get Jokey Jose the shutout (I didn’t even know he did shutouts.  He doesn’t really seem like the type), I’m mad that he has his freaking under-armor on.

Pkaleta, my parents made a mean comment about how it actually makes sense that I would find you attractive since I do, after all, “have a thing for Ovechkin,” but I want you to know that that comment, combined with your new reputation, does not make me love you any less.

Thomas Vanek, you need to start scoring again.

Buffalo Sabres, I love you all very, very much.

Everyone’s Fired Except Crunchy And Alex (And That’s Not Because They’re My Boyfriend And Husband, Respectively)/Reason #42

November 16, 2008 at 11:10 am | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, Buffalo Sabres, Derek Roy, Evgeni Malkin, Jose Theodore, Lindy Ruff, Losing Sucks, Ryan Miller, This Irks Me, Thomas Vanek, Washington Capitals | 1 Comment

I’m not talking about that Sabres game last night.  I’m just…not.  I’m so mad about that game that I just sat here and wrote five pages about Sherlock Holmes.  Five pages.  There were absolutely NO positives in that game.  They played awesome for the first two and a half periods, and then they got really bad and made poor Lindy want to upchuck.  (I died laughing when I read that in the paper today.  I heart Lindy Ruff)  Even Thomas Vanek’s goal didn’t make me feel good.  They left poor Crunchy out there to fucking dry, and that’s especially bad since my dad was being all, “Ryan Miller is amazing” for the first part of the game.  Derek Roy really needs to be benched.  He has done absolutely nothing for the Sabres, and if I see him playing on Wednesday, I’m probably going to upchuck.

And I REALLY hate Evgeni Malkin.  I can’t believe I was ever conflicted about my feelings for him.

And what was up with that, Caps?  Alex plays a totally BADASS game and then stupid JOKE-Y decides to not bother winning.  That was TOTALLY annoying.  You’re fired.

____________________________________________________________________________

Okay, so the forty-second reason I love Alexander Ovechkin is because he loves me.  It’s amazing.  First, he deflected the puck in the net when he knew I was watching.  It was incredibly thoughtful of him.  Then, for New Jersey’s second goal (I think it was second?), when he was standing there with his back to the play, he didn’t get all angry when my dad started giving him crap for not getting involved defensively.  Because of that one little play, for the rest of the night all my dad would talk about (in between being amazed at Ryan Miller) was how he would get in there defensively and he might as well have been skating backward circles on the ice for all the help he was giving.  I kept telling him that Alex knows what he’s doing and you just have to trust him, but he wouldn’t listen to me.  You can imagine, therefore, how much grief he was giving him in the final seconds of regulation while he was just standing there on the other side of the crease.

Frostee’s Dad:  Oh, look, Alex is getting involved for a change.

Frostee:  You know what, Dad?  Alex knows EXACTLY what he’s doing.  

Then Alex scored, and I screamed, and my mom was like, “I guess he does know what he’s doing!”

And then he treated us to this little gem:

837076071

 

I rewinded and watched the celebration like four times, and then I paused it on Alex’s face, and my parents made noises of disgust and commented on how “gruesome” he is.  I like to think that my love for him is proof that I am in no way shallow, and that I have no problem spending my life with a man who may not be as physically attractive as others, but is beautiful on the inside.

But, um, I didn’t really like how the Doc and the other guy last night said how in his first year, Alex “banged White from behind.”  There were…um…so many other ways to have worded that.

___________________________________________________________________________

Finally, I would just like to thank the fabulous G for sending me this picture.  Dear Readers, I would like to introduce you to Brian Lee.

n29408990_34409491_3791He is a hockey player, and is currently in the minors.  I look forward to the day when he makes it to the NHL.  I’m sure you do to.

A Tragic Tale of Two Friends Torn Apart (Reason #41)

November 10, 2008 at 4:28 pm | Posted in 65 Reasons I Love A.M.O., Alex Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Dan Paille, Evgeni Malkin | 3 Comments

(First of all, I would like to direct you over to the Sabres website so you can read where Dan Paille answered my question.  It’s the really awesome and thought-provoking one, but if that isn’t enough of a hint, I’m the one that asked what team he was most looking forward to playing.  And I’m only slightly disappointed that Dan didn’t reply by saying “Well, obviously the Caps, because Alex Ovechkin is one hot piece of ass and I know Frostee loves it when we play his team.”)

(Today’s post is a Reason because one of the reasons I love Alex is that he encourages my imagination.)

It’s quite sad when you think of what happened in that Moscow nightclub.  Evgeni Malkin and Alex Ovechkin were probably BFFs to the extreme beforehand.  I bet they went shopping together and texted all the time and worked out.  Evgeni’s agent was probably like a type of handler, because his parents didn’t trust him out alone, and I’m sure Alex had some beloved girlfriend who was secretly a first rate bitch.  Now, Mr. Agent and Evgeni were obviously close.  The agent was like the Nurse to Evgeni’s Juliet.  And since Alex and Evgeni were close, Alex would also have to be close with the agent.

I’m sure one night Evgeni and Alex were late coming to a double date from the rink.  The agent and Alex’s girlfriend were probably there waiting for the two, and after talking realized that they were perfect for each other (or at least, you know, were into each other).  They made plans to meet, and one night Alex walked into the girlfriend’s apartment to find the agent screwing his girlfriend.  He probably stormed out of there, distraught and heartbroken.  He probably rushed off to the nightclub where he was supposed to meet Evgeni.  Evgeni, I’m quite sure, asked him whatever could have caused him such distress, and realized something had happened when Alex’s soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend and the agent came rushing in together.  Evgeni tried to get in the way, but before anyone could do anything Alex had punched the agent in the face.  The two continued to fight until Evgeni, with the help of the friendly bartender, managed to break them up and haul them out into the streets.  Evgeni told Alex to chill out, and Alex told Evgeni that his agent was a total asshole for sleeping with his girlfriend.  Evgeni got all defensive of his beloved Nurse agent, and most likely told Alex to go do something anatomically impossible to himself.  Alex glared at the ex-girlfriend, who was caring for the agent’s new black eye.  And then, after one last look at the man who was once his closest friend, he walked off down the street in the Moscow darkness.

And that’s not the end of it.  Alex has become quite close with Alex Semin in an attempt to fill the void in his heart, and Alex S. knew that Evgeni and Sidney were teammates.  He began slamming Sidney, when all he wanted to do was slam Evgeni for hurting his friend so deeply.  

Together Alex S. and I are working to restore Alex O.’s sense of trust.  That’s another reason for why Alex didn’t use an agent when he signed his contract last year.  He may joke that he was greedy and didn’t want to have to pay an agent, but in reality, he couldn’t trust agents.  

This may or may not be an accurate account of the events related to that night in a Moscow nightclub.  Alex doesn’t like to talk about what happened to end his friendship with one of his most trusted companions, Evgeni Malkin.

“Hockey gods frown upon thee”

November 9, 2008 at 11:30 am | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Derek Roy, Evgeni Malkin, Hockey Gods, Jason Pominville, Losing Sucks, Patrick Kane, Ryan Miller, Thomas Vanek | 2 Comments

Okay, last night’s game was disgusting on so many levels and I’m not going to talk about it.  I am, however, going to talk about the quote in the paper, courtesy of Crunchy.  (In case you didn’t see it, it’s the title of this post)

OMGOMGOMG HE MENTIONED THE HOCKEY GODS!!!  CRUNCHY MILLER KNOWS ABOUT THE HOCKEY GODS!!  I BET HE PRAYS TO THE HOCKEY GODS!!  I BET ON HIS FACEBOOK, WHERE IT SAYS RELIGIOUS VIEWS, HE HAS HOCKEY GODS.  O.M.G.

Sorry about that.  I just think it’s kind of awesome that he mentioned them.  And it’s also pretty awesome that he actually said “thee.”

And today in the paper, it was confirmed that my beloved Alex is a ferocious badass and beat up Evgeni Malkin’s agent.  I’m really sorry, but I think it’s hilarious that he got in a fight in a Moscow nightclub.  My man gets in bar fights.  I realize you’re all jealous.

And can’t you just picture Evgeni going “Yes, bad situation”?  I bet right after he said that, he told the reporter “I like spaghetti!”  I think I wasn’t too far off when I said that Alex is the Serena to Evgeni’s Blair.  (But just in case you were wondering, I’m pissed off at everyone on that show except for Jenny and Nate)

That thing in the paper today about Blake Wheeler was pretty funny.  I think it’s kind of lame that he would change his number for Thomas Vanek.  Listen, Blake, I get that Thomas is awesome, but seriously?  It’s one thing to change your number for a hockey legend, after he has retired.  It’s another thing to change it to Thomas Vanek’s number while he’s still playing. 

In other news, I have ended my relationship with Google Image Search.  I’m a stubborn person by nature, and have tried to make it work between us, but I just got fed up.  From now on, any pictures that I didn’t take will come exclusively from Getty Images, because I’m stubborn and random like that.  To show my undying devotion to them, I have a few pictures I would like to use now.

83559908Royzie has gotten down on his knees to beg for forgiveness for his play over the last few games.

(Speaking of Derek Roy, Clare, who shall always be our hero, sent a fabulous picture of him to MJ.  It can be seen here.)  (And note to Clare:  thanks for the link!)

78683418Pommer feels so bad about the last two games that he can’t even look at me.  He feels the need to hide his face.

82644322This is probably what it would have looked like if they had been watching the game.  (BTW, I think it’s awesome that Crunchy and Ricky are allowed to go out by themselves, but Pkane has to bring his dad with him. Aw!)

(Did anyone ever figure out why they do look so pissed?  Especially Crunchy…I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that look)

80835172I know, boys.  That was a painful game to watch.  

Does anyone here not love how Pkane looks like he’s about five years old?  Geez, I’m probably the one who would get in trouble if we ever went out.

82881425Crunchy, you know that I could never really be mad at you.  Allowing this picture to be taken was entirely unnecessary.

Wait, no.  It was ENTIRELY necessary.  (When I first saw it, I just stared at it for a few minutes, taking it all in.  I suggest you do the same.)

80683355Ha.  Alex is just laughing because at least HIS team can win.

 

Dear Readers, I Want You To Meet My New Friend

October 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm | Posted in Alex Ovechkin, Evgeni Malkin, Frostee Loves Way Too Many Guys, Happy!!, Henrik Zetterberg, New York Rangers, Patrick Kane, Rick DiPietro, Ryan Miller, Sidney Crosby, Thomas Vanek, Twins Named Lundqvist, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

Dear Readers, I’ve finally gotten my ridiculously confusing (and entirely fictional) love life straight.  It’ll probably only last for a few days, but at least for now I know where my heart belongs. 

We all know that Ryan Miller is my Sabres Boyfriend, and I can’t see that changing any time soon.  Just in case you don’t think he’s a very good choice, I’ll share with you all the hilarious kickass statistics page on NHL.com.  I was a little worried at first, entrusting my blue and gold heart to Crunchy with memories of last year still flashing before my eyes, but I’m not worried anymore.  I know that Crunchy is back to his ol’ reliable self, and I no longer feel ashamed in admitting that he is my favorite Sabre.

If you haven’t figured out by now that I spend my free-time indulging in wildly inappropriate fantasies about Mr. Ovechkin, we have some big problems.  Alex is now, and forever shall be, my favorite hockey player.  

Patrick Kane is my homeboy.  He is the adorable B-lo Boy that I wholeheartedly love and find outrageously adorable.  (How could you not find it adorable when a guy declares that he is “more of a lover than a hater”!?!?!  HOW?)  If he walked into the kitchen right now and pulled out the Tiffany’s box with the ring I picked out, I would say yes.  

Sidney Crosby is the guy I would be really mean to until I had to work with him on a school project and realized that underneath that dorky, zit-covered facade, he’s actually a very sweet boy trying to find his place in the world.  Then he and I would become BFFs and he would set me up with all his hot co-workers.

There’s a list of other players in the NHL I would absolutely have no-strings-attached one night stands with, but since it’s a rather long list, I won’t write it all out here.  But near the top of the list are the Lundqvist twins, Rick DiPietro, Henrik Zetterberg, and Evgeni Malkin.  (I know, right?!  How the hell did Geno end up on that list??)

That brings us to my new friend.  Dear Readers, this is Thomas.  Thomas, these are the Dear Readers.  See, Thomas?  I told you they were nice!  I told you that now that you’re good, they wouldn’t be mean to you!

Friday night, Thomas Vanek was on the aforementioned list.  Meeting him in a hotel room was about all I could handle.  Monday afternoon, I probably would have met him for lunch a week later.  Now?  We would go to the movies with a big group of people and have a great time, and then get ice cream.  I would tease him about girls (no, wait, make that girl. I would tease him about his wife) and he would set me up with his friends but then be all protective about me and threaten them if they weren’t nice to me.  We’ll have dinner at my parents’ house but they’ll think it’s no big deal, since they’ve seen The Wall.  It’ll be like an episode of My Boys, minus the weird sexual tension between Bobby and PJ.

If after reading all this you still don’t think Thomas is a good friend for me, refer to the stat page that I linked to above.  That’ll solve all your problems.

It’s kind of nice to have all this relationship angst figured out.  Every other day I get told that I love way too many guys, so at least for now I know where everyone belongs in my heart.

In other news, a hockey league in these parts will be getting a Dallas Stars Zamboni! (without the Stars logos, of course.)  Thanks to Sabres Fan for the article!

Let’s see, now I know there was something else I wanted to mention.  Hmm.  Was it Savard getting fired?  No, no, that wasn’t it.  Was it Goose skating?  No, that’s not it either.  Hrmph.  What was it?

Oh, wait.  I remember.

THE SABRES KICKED THE RANGERS’ SCRAWNY, “DEFENSIVE-MINDED” ASSES LAST NIGHT AND NOW THEY’RE THE ONLY PERFECT TEAM IN THE EAST AND NOT ONLY ARE THEY GONNA GO 82-0, THEY WILL ALSO WIN THE STANLEY CUP.  AND ALL THOSE NON-BELIEVERS OUT THERE CAN STICK IT IN THEIR JUICE BOXES AND SUCK IT.

Ah.  I knew there was something else I wanted to mention.

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