Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend, Round Eleven

August 30, 2008 at 11:28 am | Posted in Adam Mair, Andrew Peters, Derek Roy, Evgeni Malkin, Frostee's Sabres Boyfriend, Patrick Kaleta, Ryan Miller, Thomas Vanek, Vincent Lecavalier | Leave a comment

This is the eleventh round of cuts in a series where I decide who will be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.

*Shakes head* Oh, Vinny.

Hell yeah!  This is more like it!  Not only does it mean that hockey is almost here, it also makes me realize that the Sabres aren’t totally screwed!  Note to Royzie and Vanek: You guys rock.  Just keep doing what you do best, and Vanek, leave the fighting and toughness to guys who know how to do it.  (But no, this does not mean I’ll put you back in the FSB competition.  You betrayed me, and I don’t forget betrayal.)

Patrick Kaleta

Oh, Patty.  I love you so much.  This is hard for me.  You bring an element of toughness that this team needs, and your first NHL fight was against my favorite pain-in-the-ass-spleen, Sean Avery.  You’re adorable, you went to St. Franny’s (and therefore should be my enemy, but how could I hate you?), you’re a B-lo boy, Adam Mair takes care of you, it’s all wonderful!  (Actually, here at TFF Headquarters we want to see a Youtube video of you and Adam talking about how he watches over you, a la Andrew Peters and Derek Roy)

That being said, I have two reasons why you can not be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend:

 

(1)  You are still involved with Rochester Portland, and it’s hard to tell people that your Sabres Boyfriend is chillin’ up in Portland.  Whenever you come hang with the Sabres, I always tell people you are my favorite Sabre (I think you and Crunchy were tied last year for being Frostee’s One Night Stand the most.  Thomas Vanek was a close second, during the second half of the season).  I’m just not sure how a long-distance relationship would work. 

(2)  Whenever I google image search you, this picture comes up.  (And leads back to here, apparently.)  Thing is, that picture makes me like Evgeni Malkin less and less, and, of course, there’s the whole issue of me going temporarily blind every time I see it.  Put that thing away, Evgeni.  There are children on the internet.

    Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend, Round Three

    August 17, 2008 at 11:19 am | Posted in Adam Mair, Andrej Sekera, Frostee's Sabres Boyfriend | 1 Comment

    This is the third round of cuts in a series where I decide who will be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.

    So, Michael Phelps is done swimming, and I only have one more day of my fight with The Enemy, so pretty soon all this Phelps-obsession will die down.  I was like this with Eli Manning after the Super Bowl, and by March I was back to my normal football ignorance.  Time to cut a few more guys!

    Andrej Sekera

    Okay.  So, I was all ready to go off on him for being Russian and being all buddy-buddy with you-know-who, and then I found out he was from the Czech Republic.  That means that RJ and Harry got it wrong last year.  I specifically remember because I was ill and I was watching the Sabres/Capitals game with Mini Alex and Regular Alex had skated over to the bench during a stoppage in play and was talking to Andrej and they were laughing and appeared to be having a good time and Harry and RJ said something along the lines of “Oh, those two countrymen must be talking about Mother Russia,” or something like that.  But Andrej isn’t from Russia, so now I don’t know what they could have been talking about, and this is all really confusing to me, so Andrej, I’m just cutting you.

    Adam Mair

    Adam, I love that you do a ton of work for the SPCA.  That’s great.  I also love how you seem to have taken it upon yourself to look out for Pat Kaleta.  He needs someone looking out for him.  

    All that said, I feel I have no choice but to cut you.  See, you may or may not be getting divorced, and I’m just afraid that if the rumors are true, you’ll have too much emotional baggage.  I’m emotional enough for the both of us, Adam.  

    You may have noticed that I started a four cuts and worked down to three and then two.  Now that I’ve gotten rid of the guys who were never really in this competition to begin with, I’ll start cutting one guy each day.  Isn’t the suspense killing you?!

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