Um, I Was Kidding When I Suggested A Whipping Post

October 22, 2008 at 5:30 pm | Posted in Craig Rivet, Ryan Miller, This Irks Me, Tim Connolly, What Is Up With All These Injuries?, Winning Is Totally Awesome | Leave a comment

Dear Buffalo Sabres,

Now, I realize that last year I had developed a bad habit of ordering ten lashes for a player every time he made a mistake.  It’s not like I’m a violent person by nature, I was just getting very frustrated with you last year.  It’s hard watching you guys suck, Buffalo Sabres, hard.

This season has been such a lovely change from last year.  Not only have you been actually scoring goals, but you haven’t been letting the other team do that!!  (But that’s just because a certain goalie wants to prove that he is worthy of my love.  Crunchy, ILY!)  That’s why during the first half of last night’s game, I was getting worried.  Between your poor playing, and me finding out my boyfriend PK had just cheated on me with Phil Kessel (I was heartbroken.  I really thought PK and I were going to go all the way, but then that SLUT Phil messed everything up).  I said some things that I didn’t mean, Sabres.  You should know by now that when you play poorly I say things I didn’t really mean.  If I actually killed you when I threatened to, the Sabres would consist of a pigeon,  Lindy Ruff, and a couple hockey pucks.  Boyz, that’s why I’m a bit concerned about what’s going on in that locker room.  Last night, when I told my mom at the end of the first period that they should install a whipping post in the dressing room, I was kidding.  I didn’t mean that you should beat the players.  I’m especially concerned that if you are in fact beating guys, you’re beating the captain!  That’s not cool, guys!!  Leave Craig alone!  If you have to beat someone, beat Max!  Beat Timmy!  It’s not like he could be hurt anymore.  Don’t hurt our captain/veteran defenseman!

Now that I think about it, it does make sense.  Tim Connolly is out with BACK problems, and if you’re WHIPPING players, that would be the area where they would get hurt.  But last night was just a minor blip.  Beating players this early in the season is entirely unnecessary. 

And beating your players in the KNEE is just random.

Best Wishes!  (And please stop taking me seriously!)


P.S.  Thanks for at least winning in the shootout.  Every time you lose in the shootout, it kills a little bit of my soul.  Crunchy, you were totally badass.  I have no regrets in my decision.

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