Who Did TimmyHo Bang to Get The ‘C’?

September 24, 2008 at 5:41 pm | Posted in Buffalo Sabres, Huh?, Mike Weber, Montreal Canadiens, Nathan Gerbe, Players, Tim Connolly | Leave a comment

Scene:  Frostee and her dad are sitting right up in front of the TV in the basement.  They don’t get the NHL Network since they didn’t renew Center Ice since they’re switching to FiOS, but when  they put on the DirecTv sports mix they can watch it in a tiny little box in the corner.  They are squinting at the television trying to figure out who is who.  Suddenly, the player wearing the ‘C’ takes off his helmet, revealing a shiny bald head.

Frostee:  What the HELL?

Frostee’s Dad:  Who is it?

Frostee:  WHO gave TIM CONNOLLY the ‘C’??

Frostee’s Dad:  How can you even tell?  He’s like two inches tall.

Frostee and Frostee’s dad continue to watch the game, but remain in shock over Lindy Ruff’s apparent brain aneurism.  Why else would he have named Tim Connolly the captain?  (Unless…Timmy, WHO did you sleep with to get that ‘C’?  That was nasty.  You know Pommer wouldn’t do that!!)  Suddenly, the commentator (why doesn’t NHL Network use RJ?  RJ ROCKS!) says how Gerbe is on the ice, and is proving how wonderful and fabulous he is.

Frostee’s Dad:  Which one is Gerbe?!?

Frostee:  The small one!

Hilarity ensues.

Frostee frowns as the commentator mentions Mike Weber and the camera shows a guy in a 4 jersey.  Mike Weber was 34 last year, she was sure of it.*

Frostee:  Who is the retard doing play by play?  Funk is 4, Weber is 34.  God.

Frostee’s Dad:  Which one are they talking about?

Frostee:  The small one!              But wait…that can’t be…but it is!  Why is Mike Weber wearing the 34??  That is complete and total BULLHONKY.

Hilarity ensues again when one of the Canadiens gets sent off to a penalty box that was built for a five year old.  There may or may not have been tears of mirth as the player had to stand on the seat in the box so they could close the door.

Frostee:  Oh my God.

Frostee’s Dad:  He can’t fit in the box!!

A hush falls over the room when TimmyHo is drilled head first into the boards.

Frostee:  Well, that’s the shortest season I’ve ever seen.

Frostee’s Dad:  Wait, he’s getting up!

And just when the women of Buffalo thought they were safe.

More hilarity ensues in the third period, when Gerb-dogg scores and then celebrates with TimmyHo.  Poor Gerb-dogg came up to TimmyHo’s elbow. 

Frostee’s Dad:  This game had better not go into overtime.

Frostee:  Why would they do overtime?  It’s such a waste.

Frostee’s Dad leaves the room for a while, then comes back.

Frostee’s Dad:  I just checked a map.  Roberville is up near the Arctic Circle.  They literally had to drive to the middle of nowhere to get to the game.

Frostee:  …….

Just when Frostee and Frostee’s Dad thought the Sabres might work their magic and score the tying goal in the dying seconds of the game, the referee who was smoking weed in between periods decides to drop the puck while Royzie is still over by the bench.  Anyone who sends me that referee’s head on a plate wins a Reader Award.

Frostee:  Did he just…?

Frostee’s Dad:  I think he just dropped the puck without a Sabre!

Frostee:  What the HELL.

And that about sums up the game.

 

*I figured out a few days later that Nolan Pratt wore 4.  Heehee.  Sorry ’bout that.

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