The First Ever Reader Award! (Frostee Does Predictions!)

September 16, 2008 at 6:31 pm | Posted in Adam Mair, Ales Kotalik, Alex Ovechkin, Andrew Peters, Buffalo Sabres, Dan Paille, Derek Roy, Drew Stafford, Frostee Does Predictions!, Jason Pominville, Jochen Hecht, Maxim Afinogenov, Nathan Gerbe, Patrick Kaleta, Paul Gaustad, Thomas Vanek, Tim Connolly, Tim Kennedy, Washington Capitals | 1 Comment

While I love each and every one of my dear readers equally, one particular reader went above and beyond the call of duty yesterday, and she is going to be recognized for that now.  Twihard and I have actually known each other for a while; she was even one of the people I was IMing when I started this little project.  While Twihard is a wonderful, wonderful girl, she doesn’t know that much about hockey.  That didn’t stop her from sitting down in front of her computer last night and reading every single post from July up until yesterday.  That takes some serious dedication, so for that, I present Twihard with the first ever Reader Award!  Woo!  *clapclapclap*

And of course, Twi, you will be always welcome in the Latin Lovers club.  You should even be made an officer, since Mrs. Curran still doesn’t know your name.  But she doesn’t know my name either.  Or Camille’s.  Or Damien’s.  

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I find myself in a strange situation, Dear Readers.  I rode the bus home today because I didn’t have any after school activities, and then when I got home I sat around for an hour reading my new issue of Seventeen Magazine.  Then I leisurely did my French homework and half of my review packet, glanced over my notes for the quiz tomorrow, and filled out the parent schedule for Open House on Thursday.  Then I was done.  I had no other hoomework to do.  at four o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon I was done with all of my homework.  I could not believe it.  I went on the computer, as I am wont to do after I finish my homework, but I was confused, as I usually don’t have time to just waste away on the World Wide Web until after dinner.  I checked up on all my must-reads, and added a new one to the list.  I highly recommend Tim Kennedy’s blog.  It may not be as good as Crunchy’s but it’s pretty darn close.

I finished all this, Dear Readers, downloaded a few more songs, udated my AIM profile, and found myself staring at the clock, which read five.  I was then faced with a difficult decision.  Do I continue working on my global scrapbook, so that I’m not scrambling at the last minute?  Or do I start talking about the players and the upcoming season?  (It’s not like my analysis is going to be all that professional)  After carefully contemplating this, I decided that I can actually have the best of both worlds!  (Go die, Hanna Montana)   I’ll just preview the forwards today, and then I can do some more research afterwards!  Aren’t I so smart?  (Don’t answer that)

Now, just remember that this is the first time I’m doing more than verbally talking about the players (“Yeah, well, Vanek sucked ASS last year and better make up for it.  And I swear to God, if Miller let’s in one more soft goal, I’m having him freaking KILLED”).  It’ll be a work in progress, and it might not be all that statbitty, but hopefully it won’t suck too bad!  

The 2008-09 Buffalo Sabres (courtesy of that sexy depth chart on Sabres.com)

Thomas Vanek

Last season was:  obnoxious.

This season should be:  goal-filled.

Last season Thomas Vanek was feeling the stress of being a new father and having a $50 million contract on his head.  While the second half of the year gave us reason to hope, the first half of the year was TERRIBLE.  He needs to stop trying to be something he’s not.  Thomas Vanek is a scorer, and once he gets that through his thick skull, he should be okay.  

But I still haven’t forgiven him for ratting me out about my run-in with Stanley.  (But it was accidental!  And up close, Lord Stanley is one sexy beast.)

Dan Paille

Last season was:  one of the sole reasons I didn’t commit suicide.

This season should be:  just as awesome as last year.

I was not exaggerating above.  Every time I was sitting on the coach threatening to slit  my wrists over the Sabres’ crappy play, Dan would go score a goal or do something awesome.  And then he signed an extension, and he’s even getting married next year (although whether or not the man-child bagged a real chick or his Hanna Montana doll [go die, Hanna Montana] is up for debate), so I’m really feeling the Dan Paille Love.

Patrick Kaleta

Last season was:  a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

This season should be:  a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

I really do love Patrick Kaleta.  If he makes the roster this year, he is SO Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend for the ’09-10 season.  He has already won that competition.  I mean, he still lives at home, he has scored a goal and assisted on a Petey goal (after my parents got home from that game, the very first thing my dad said was, “That should go on a plaque.  A Peters goal with assists from Kaleta and Mair.”), his first fight was with Sean Avery, and he is one hell of a hitter.  What’s not to love, I ask you?

Derek Roy

Last season was:  a pleasant surprise.

This season should be:  hilarious kickass.

Derek Roy was another one of those bright spots.  I mean, he somehow managed to score 32 goals, and some people are even saying the contract he signed last year is starting to look like a bargain.  That’s pretty cool.  As long as he works on the diving, and keeps up the momentum from a stellar second half of last season, he and Love Potion #9 should be sailing off into clear skies.

Jochen Hecht

Last season was: steady and reliable.

This season should be:  steady and reliable.

Jochen Hecht is quite possibly the ONLY player on this entire freaking team I can count on 24/7.  If he keeps it up, there will be no Jochen-bashing on this blog.

Paul Gaustad

Last season was:  like Goldilocks’s porridge.

This season should be:  like Goldilocks’s porridge.

Paul Gaustad isn’t a flashy player.  He doesn’t score lots of goals, and he doesn’t get thrown out of the game during his first shift (but I still love you, Petey!  Honest!)  Goose was taken in like the seventh round, and had no business even getting into the NHL, yet here he is.  And after that whole contract extension over the summer, I think he’s going to be sticking around for a while.

Don’t forget he also proves that green is sexy, and he’s even first runner-up in the Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend competition.  He knows that if Crunchy starts sucking, he’s my man.

Adam Mair

Last season was:  um…it’s Adam Mair.

This season should be:  um…it’s Adam Mair.

I’ll be perfectly honest with you: I don’t pay all that much attention to Adam Mair.  I’m sorry.  I get that he’s wonderful and helps animals and all that shit, but when it comes to his on-ice performance, I get too distracted bashing other players to worry about him.  But I do love how he has taken it upon himself to protect Patty Kaleta.  I think that’s adorable.  

I’m in to adorable, in case you hadn’t figured that out by now.

Tim Connolly

Last season was:  nonexistent.  Did he even play a game?

This season should be:  less injury-plauged?  IDK.  At this point it seems like he can only go up.

Tim Connolly is supposedly a very good hockey player.  That’s what lots of people say.  I actually can not remember a time in recent memory when he did play.  He could take the ice against the Habs and turn over the puck for every single one of their goals, and it’ll seem like an improvement because at least he’s THERE.

But I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that some of the guys don’t want him back in the dressing room showering with them, because they’re all so afraid they’ll catch something.

Drew Stafford

Last season was:  comme ci comme ca

This season should be:  spent out of Lindy’s doghouse.

I vaguely remember hearing about some sort of spat Lindy and Staffy had right before the last game that caused Staffy to be benched.  I do not remember details, since I didn’t watch that game.  I was babysitting that night, and let the little monsters angels play amongst themselves while I watched the Caps win the Southeast Division on Center Ice.  (Before the game when they showed the dressing room and Ovie didn’t have his shirt on, I screamed really loudly, and the kids thought it was the WEIRDEST thing that I was happy to see him without his shirt on. I was like, “Children, you have no idea.”)  It was actually kind of awesome.  That game was SO COOL, and Ovie was awesome, and the whole team was awesome, and his postgame interview was awesome, but back to the Sabres.

So, if Lindy and Staffy do intead have some sort of issue with each other, I suggest they get it taken care of during training camp so Drew can go back to drinking the blood of virgins.  As we all learned from Thomas Vanek, life is Ruff when you’re not on Lindy’s side.  

Jason Pominville

Last season was:  cute and cuddly and adorable and OUTRAGEOUSLY KICKASS.

This season should be:  not the last one he spends in Buffalo.

Word on the street is that Pommer and his agent have called Friday their deadline for a contract extension, but I refuse to believe that until there is a nice, long contract with his Johnny Hancock on it.  I will then proceed to pommerdoodle my heart out.

I have no complaints about his season.  He was pretty rad out there.

Ales Kotalik

Last season was:  a bit of a rollar coaster, in my professional opinion.

This season should be:  a bit less of a roller coaster.

Ales Kotalik is another one of those players I don’t pay that much attention to.  I remember him being pretty good in shootouts (specifically the Winter Classic), but I also have this nagging suspicion that he had a few sucky shifts too.  I’m not 100%.  I should probably pay more attention to each and every player on the team, not just the ones I love/hate.

Maxim Afinogenov

Last season was:  one of the reasons why I wanted to slit my wrists.

This season should be:  short for Max the Sabre.  Trade him already, Darcy!

Max Afinogenov sucks.  He sucks more than I can remember anyone sucking in a really long time.  He sucks so much they wouldn’t even let him join the sucky club.  He sucks so much that Adolf Hitler took one look at him and went, “You suck.”

But in all seriousness, if no one else will even trade for him, you know it’s bad.  I realize that there is an actual chance that Darcy will be able to trade him for a coupon on the Wendy’s dollar menu and then he’ll go on to score 40 goals and lead his new team to the Conference finals, but I really don’t care.  Every time he touched the ice, I reached for a knife.  When he kept hurting his groin, I cheered.  He is not good for my mental (and physical) health.  He needs to go away.

Andrew Peters

Last season was:  AHAHAHAAHA.

This season should be:  AHAHAHAA.

I love Andrew Peters.  I could never love him the way Corinne does, but it’s awfully close.  Andrew always makes me laugh.  I never even bother with expectations for him.  Two goals this year, Mr. Peters.  Let’s try for two.

Although I did hear that he might be one of those guys fighting for a roster spot.  I honestly can’t imagine a Sabres roster without Andrew Peters.  It would be like Thanksgiving without turkey.

And I also have been walking around under the assumption that Andrew Peters (why do I keep calling him by his full name?) thinks he’s my favorite player.  I liked to think that Petey Sr. called Petey Jr. and told him how I supposedly love him like I love no other Sabre.  I think it’s kinda funny, actually.

Nathan Gerbe

Last season was:  college hockey, but pretty bitchin’

This season should be:  maybe Rochester Portland, hopefully B-lo, but pretty bitchin’

I get that he wasn’t on the depth chart, but as his facebook friend I feel it is my job to talk about how AWESOME he is.  Aren’t I such a good BFF?  I always make my boyy sound rad.

Alex Ovechkin

(shut up.  he is, and always shall be, an honorary Sabre)

Last season was:  beyond words, bitches.

This season should be:  beyond words, bitches.

65 goals.  The Hart, Pearsen, Art Ross, and Maurice Richard trophies.  Southeast Division champs.  A fashion line, and a role in a music video.  

Alexander Mikhailovich Ovechkin is here to stay.

 

P.S.  LOADS of warm fuzzies to whomever designed the depth chart.  That thing is awesome!

 

 

1 Comment »

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  1. Sorry, nice article, but i’m Petey’s biggest fan.


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