Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend, Round Eight

August 26, 2008 at 11:46 am | Posted in Frostee's Sabres Boyfriend, Jason Pominville, This Irks Me, Thomas Vanek | Leave a comment

This is the eighth round of cuts in a series where I decide who will be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend.

Two Three things before someone gets cut:

 

  1. No Country For Old Men  is a great movie.  Whoa.  Once I got past Javier Bardem’s hair, I loved it.  He was SO good.  It was even okay that we had to watch on the retarded TV that was in black and white for some reason, because my mom doesn’t really like lots of blood.  I need to read the book now, and I can’t wait until they make the movie of The Road.  That was one of my many summer reading books and it was so good.  The movie will be really dark.
  2. I am going apeshit over here, because we CAN NOT get FiOS.  My mom hates DirecTv and wants FiOS as soon as it comes through, but that is not going to happen.  Last night we were looking at the guide for the channels we’ll get in OP, and it was not good.  No NHL Network.  No NHL Package.  No Versus.  No MSG.  It didn’t even look like we’d get the CW, and how else am I supposed to watch Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill?  I made it quite clear to the parental units that if they expect me to continue living under this roof, we are not switching to a cable provider that doesn’t provide any freaking hockey.  Aside from the fact that both of them love hockey, it is MY favorite thing to watch and I even run a freaking hockey blog, so no hockey coverage is out of the question.  
  3. I just realized that Sunday was my half birthday.  Happy Half Birthday to Me.

 

Well, now that I’m done venting, and I poured some milk to wash down my Toblerone (my eating habits are almost as bad as Ovie’s.  Instead of Starbucks with my morning chocolate, I usually wash it down with a nice cold glass of milk), I can make another cut.

Thomas Vanek

You knew it was coming, Thomas.  It’s not because of this semi-sleazy picture, I promise.  It’s not because of your fluffy little lapdog (but seriously, Thomas?  A lapdog?  A fluffy one?).  It’s not even because my mom thinks you’re more attractive that Jason Pominville.  (Yeah.  During the playoffs last year [when I say “last year” I mean the 06-07 season.  When they were still good.  I will start referring to the upcoming season as “this season” and the sucky one that just ended as “last season” when training camp starts.] after he scored a goal and they showed him skating to the bench, my mom goes, “Oh, who’s that?  He’s pretty cute!”  This was minutes after telling me that no, Jason Pominville was NOT, in any way shape or form, adorable.  I’m still kind of WTF-ing over this.  Vanek is hot, but Pommer is not adorable?  Huh?  But I digress.)  Thomas, I’m cutting you because you’re kind of a whore.  Sure, you’re not a slag-faced one, and I get that you quietly had a good season, with 35 goals and a shitload of hat tricks, most of which were against Tampa Bay, but 35 goals does not warrant a $50 million paycheck.  And it’s not very cool that Lindy has been having to yell at you.  It probably has something to do with your attitude.  Crunchy sucked this year, but you didn’t see Lindy yelling at him!  And, of course, there’s the whole matter of you jinxing the Sabres.  While at the time, we admired the passion with which you vowed a postseason for Buffalo, I now am starting to think it is because of your promise that we didn’t make it.  Forget that we sucked.  I think it’s all your fault.  

So, you will not be Frostee’s Sabres Boyfriend this year.  Maybe if you step up your game in the upcoming season, and get a haircut, we can talk.  I just need to know you’re not a total whore, and you know how to actually shoot a puck.

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