I like Marc-Andre Fleury. I really do. He seems like a good guy, he can be a great goalie, and his accent is fantastic.
I also happen to absolutely adore Marc-Andre Fleur Butt Goals. And Leg Goals, because apparently those are in this year too. I felt genuinely bad for him last year when the Cup-clinching goal went in off his ass, but this year it was just kind of funny. Sorry.
You can say that Detroit won thanks to a couple lucky bounces, but they made those lucky bounces happen. Even without a Hart Trophy finalist playing, they were able to win. Henrik Zetterberg shut down Crosby, and Malkin only got one assist. It’ll be interesting to see what happens tonight.
I’m not sure if I’m a huge fan of the back-to-back nights idea, so we’ll have to see. Everyone keeps pointing out that Pittsburgh came back from being down 0-2 against Washington (and it’s KILLING me. STOP REMINDING US), but Detroit is a bit different than Washington. Unfortunately for Caps fans.
We realize that Sidney Crosby is the BEST PLAYER THE NHL HAS SEEN IN YEARS, but there are a ton of other insanely talented players in this series, both on the Red Wings and on the Penguins. Could we maybe, possibly hear about them, too?
You know what I am watching right now, Dear Readers? The Senators/Penguins game. For no apparent reason, we are getting NHL Network. It is awesome.
I have missed Sidney Crosby so much. I have missed his semi-awkward, random interviews. I have missed his unnaturally large thighs. I about died laughing when he looked straight at the camera a minute ago. He’s so hilarious. And since this is the first time my mom has seen him being interviewed off the ice, she was very interested.
Mom: How old is he?
Frostee: He just turned 21.
Mom: Where is he from?
Frostee: Nova Scotia. He says that everyone is so nice and you’ll make five new friends your first day there, guaranteed.
Mom: Does he shave?
Mom: He has girl lips.
Frostee: *dies laughing*
Mom: Well, he seems very nice, but I think he’s a little effeminate.
Frostee: I know!!! That’s what I’ve always said!!!
Sidney: [to paraphrase] Yeah, well, once more than one guy starts attacking me it’s kind of hard to defend myself.
Frostee: That’s because he’s crying so hard.
I love hockey players so much. You have no idea.
P.S. BGL and Petey are fighting on Friday. You heard it here first.
P.P.S. You’d think Gary Bettman would pay a few more people to come, especially if he wants to put NHL teams in Europe. Gary Bettman is such a retard.
P.P.P.S. Is it just me, or is the ice surface huge?
P.P.P.P.S. I’m not talking about the Rangers/Lightning game. Whatevs. Now that Captain Whore is in charge, they’re gonna be some big bad team until they collapse in the ECF. Sound familiar?
P.P.P.P.P.S. From Frostee, With Love:
Dear Evgeni Malkin,
I like spaghetti too, but I am so over you. Sorry.
Dear Marc-Andre Fleury,
How are you? I hope your summer was nice. Mine was pretty good. I missed you though. FPBFE! (Frostee’s Playoff Boyfriend For Evah!)
Dear Marty Gerber,
Dude, you kind of suck. See ya in divisional match-ups this year!
I’m trying to decide if Steven Stamkos is cute. It’s tough.
Yep, I love him. (Bigger picture here.)
This all got me thinking. Since the 2003 Entry Draft, I have liked all the First Overall Draft Picks. Let’s start with 2003.
I LOVE Marc-Andre Fleury. When my neighbor was giving me grief about the Caps being knocked out of the playoffs and asked if I was going to root for the Penguins, I said I was, because I loved Fleury. He gave me this weird look and goes, “the goalie?”
How can you not love him? If you are ever wondering if your female friend is a lesbian, just play audio of him and you’ll know. His accent is hands down the BEST I have ever heard. And I have to say, as Frostee’s Playoffs Boyfriend for Rounds 2-4 of the playoffs last year, he pretty much delivered. I did not regret my choice.
On to 2004:
I defy the Sabres fan stereotype.
If you want some Sidney laughs, watch this video.
First of all, that baby picture of him in the Canadiens jersey may be the cutest thing I have ever seen. Second of all, Sidney still doesn’t shave. Third of all, I’ll be quite honest with you, Dear Readers: If the Sidney Crosby in this video was at OPHS, I would probably make fun of him. I’m just telling the truth.
Okay, so, I lied. I don’t like all the first overall picks, since I actually had to google the 2006 Entry Draft. I can not for the life of me remember this kid. Sorry.
Other than 2004, my personal favorite first overall pick thus far came in 2007:
If Patrick Kane was to show up at my front door right now and ask me to marry him, I would say yes, no questions asked. I LOVE him (and that sexy chin-stroking thing he’s got going on), and after the NHL Awards, I walked around telling people that when he made a shoutout to Buffalo, it was actually intended for ME. (I also told people that when Ovie said “I love you” at the end of his Hart Trophy speech, he quickly texted me from his iPhone to let me know that those three words were actually meant for ME only. I live in a fantasy world.)
My dad once actually said, when I pointed out that he’s only 19, “Oh, well then the two of you getting married is actually realistic.” After all, his best friend is ten years older than his wife. There’s not that much of an age difference with the two of us. And my grandma would prefer if I married Pkane instead of Ovie. She prefers Americans.
Wait, isn’t this supposed to be a list of reasons why I love Alex Ovechkin? I’d have to start a different list for Pkane! Uh…Ovie…um…
Since I finally finished Native Son last night, I decided to reward myself with starting this up. There are many players in the NHL, some hotter than others. Today, we’ll be taking a look at the 20 hottest players, or Hotties, and tomorrow (or whenever I get to it) we will be examining the Notties.
The Hotties (in no particular order)
Brooks Laich, Washington Capitals. You know he’s a Hottie when my mom wanders in during a playoff game intermission interview and goes, “Oh, who’s that? He’s pretty hot.” Not only is he a Hottie, he knows it. Why else would his teammates vote him the biggest ladies’ man?
Henrik Zetterberg, Detroit Red Wings. He’s Swedish. He’s a hell of a hockey player, and he won the Conn Smythe this year! I may have been rooting for Pittsburgh, but I still didn’t mind when Henrik decided to score a goal.
Paul Gaustad, Buffalo Sabres. Goose isn’t just some average-joe, superficial Hottie. Saving the environment and convincing kids to read is hot. Keep up the good work Goose, and please feel free to make a few more PSAs next year.
Patrick Kane, Chicago Blackhawks. Let me make myself clear. I am not putting him on here because he’s a Buffalo boy. He is most certainly Hottie material, especially now that his acne cleared up. Innocence can be hot, especially when a kid has no problem going on television and talking about how he tapes his stick.
Marc-Andre Fleury, Pittsburgh Penguins. He’s really not that bad to look at, now that he ditched those obnoxious yellow pads. Listen to him talk for five minutes, and I guarantee you will consider him a Hottie.
Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals. You can complain and bitch all you want about how Ovechkin is an ugly fuck and how he’s a geeky emo loser and all that shit. He’s a Hottie, and deep down you know it. If it isn’t his killer eyes, then it’s his sense of humor and easy laugh. And the way he puts up with Mike Milbury’s shit.
Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins. Let me make this quite clear: I do not like the Penguins. I like Fleury’s accent, and that their mascot can’t walk on ice without falling, and that’s about it. However, Hottie list isn’t discriminatory, and therefore Geno makes the cut. I was a little bit discouraged, however, when I saw how much he likes pda, and I became downright concerned when i saw this. Making out with drunk, underaged teammates is not cool, Evgeni. Not cool at all. Watch yourself.
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks. (I really seem to like the Russians, huh?) I don’t know. He’s just adorable. And he looks a lot like Benjamin Mckenzie.
Rick DiPietro, New York Islanders. His hips suck, and he needs to watch his mouth when he’s mic’d up on television, but while he might not be easy on the ears, he’s definitely easy on the eyes. Keep it up, Pretty Ricky!
Carey Price, Montreal Canadiens. He’s adorable, and so sweet and young and innocent. I was rooting for him in the playoffs, and it was kinda sad to see the poor kid collapse under the pressure. I’m sure that with time, he’ll be a great, Hottie goaltender.
Jason Spezza, Ottawa Senators. Jason, I hate you. I hate you for playing for the Senators. I hate you for having that lopsided grin and that cute face. I hate you for saying that you would pose for Playgirl for free. I hate you.
Cruncy Miller, Buffalo Sabres. Crunchy Miller is not a Hottie. His eyebrows are uneven, and it has actually started to bug me. But his blog is hilarious, his analytical interviews are always enjoyable, and his sense of style questionable.
Andrew Peters, Buffalo Sabres. Petey isn’t really a Hottie on the outside, but a great sense of humor is quite hot. So is a questionable sexuality. Carry on, Petey.
Nathan Gerbe, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. Forget that he was a runner-up for the Hobey Baker, that his team won the Frozen Four and his was the MVP, and led everyone in scoring (too lazy to fact-check). He’s short. And his sings Rascal Flatts in the locker room. Hottie!!
Patrick Kaleta, Buffalo Sabres/ Rochester Americans. He’s a homeboy! (But we are ignoring the fact that he played at St. Francis) Being a Buffalo fan, I love his hard-hitting style. The coaches had to tell him to take it down a notch during the prospect camp! He lives at home. His first NHL goal was overshadowed by Richard Zednik nearly being beheaded. Patrick Kaleta, you are a Hottie.
Mike Green, Washington Capitals. Last, but certainly not least, Mike Green shows off his Hottie stuff by getting playoff mohawks and leading defensemen in goals. And, of course, teddy bears are hot.
Now that I know at least one person will be reading my blog (thanks a billion Corinne! I promise to read any blog you throw my way!), I feel like blogging a bit more. Since we are, after all, fourteen days into the free agency period, I thought I’d take a minute to discuss all the good, bad, and confusing of the offseason thus far.
- The Sabres resigned Paul Gaustad. This is good for several reasons. First of all, he’s great on the faceoffs. His winning percentage is pretty rad. Second, as a dedicated member of the Green Team, I’m happy to know someone so committed to saving the environment is sticking around. Also, I wouldn’t mind if he shoots a few more PSAs for next season. He’s good friends with Ryan Miller, which should hopefully be a plus as Ryan contemplates whether or not he wants to make a commitment to the Blue and Gold. And, of course, The Goose is hot.
- The Capitals went on a signing spree, locking down Mike “Mohawk” Green for 4 years, Brooks “Ladies’ Man” Laich for 3, and Sergei Fedorov for 1. Now, I only just became a Capitals diehard around March, but I still got excited when I saw these. Greenie led all defensemen in scoring, so he can’t be that bad! And Laich is a ladies’ man. Who doesn’t love a ladies’ man? Fedorov was bitchin’ on a line with Mr. Ovechkin and Kozlov. I was (ba-da-ba-ba-ba!) loving it!
- Vincent Lecavalier signs with Tampa Bay for 11 years and $85 million, complete with one of those evil no trade clauses. Vinny is decidedly a hottie, and a darn good player, and Tampa Bay decidedly sucks, so I am happy that I won’t have to worry about a player with actual talent going to a team that doesn’t suck and beating the Sabres. Although this could pose as a problem in the future for Alex and the rest of the Caps. Hmmm…
- Pittsburgh signs Fleury and Malkin, longterm. I put this on the good list because pity the Penguins and their fans. They went through what we Sabres fans went through last year with The Whores, aka Drury and Briere. A lot of the players seem to hate Therrien, and a lot of the players skipped town at the start of the free agency period (to Tampa Bay, strangely enough. Watch out, Alex and Co.!),
- Ted Nolan is fired by the Islanders. Sucka!!!
- The Sabres signed Nathan Gerbe, Tim Kennedy, Jhonas Enroth, etc. This signing spree was encouraging, since I had fallen in love with Nathan Gerbe, everyone’s favorite shortie, the moment I heard about him.
- Ray Emery had no choice but to sign with some Russian team. This honestly made my day when I read it.
- Detroit signed Hossa for one year, and they got Ty Conklin to back up Ozzie. Note to every other team in the NHL: Don’t even bother. You’re screwed.
- Brian Campbell signed with Chicago. I had really enjoyed the Blackhawks last year. Their winning in no way affected the Sabres’ ultimately unsuccessful run for the playoffs, and Patrick Kane plays for them. Who doesn’t love Patrick Kane? But then Soupy had to sign with them, for way too much money. Not cool, Soupy. Greed is almost as unattractive as that sloppy red hair of yours.
- Cristobal Huet signed with Chicago. I get that he’s not even a really great goalie, but still. I had gained a soft spot for him in my heart during his stay in Washington, and really liked those, “Hip, hip, Huet!” cheers.
- Crunchy is not under contract after this season. (By Crunchy I mean Ryan Miller. For some reason Miller is referred to as Crunchy across the blogosphere, and who am I to shy away from a trend?) I know that he sucked this season, but a mediocre goalie is better than no goalie at all. And what am I gonna do with Little Ryan if he goes and plays for Detroit?
- Max Afinogenov is still a Sabre. Seriously, the guy sucks. He has not scored a goal since 2001. I would know. I watch Vintage Games.
- Sean Avery signed with Dallas. I’m going to miss him. He’s obnoxious, and he’s stupid, but he’s always good for a laugh.
- Washington signs Jose Theodore, since Olie got pissed when they traded for Huet and left for Tampa Bay. (CAPITALS! BEWARE OF THE LIGHTNING! BEWARE!) I wasn’t really sure what to think, since Theodore is supposed to be pretty good when he doesn’t have the flu, aka detroitredwingsitis, so I googled him. And found this.
- Patrick Lalime, the Sabres’ newest backup goaltender. He’s been out in Chicago for God knows how long, so I don’t know what to think. All I know is that he used to play for Ottawa. *shudder*
- Jeff Finger. Oh, you’ve never heard of him? Yeah, well neither has anyone else. I think Cliff Fletcher was feeling all sad about saying goodbye to Mats Sundin and went binge-free agent shopping.
- I find it hilarious that Sundin was offered $20 million for 2 years in Vancouver. Mats, just a suggestion: go away. Please.
- Brooks Orpik resigned with Pittsburgh. I was under the impression that he wanted out. I was also under the impression that the Sabres would try to make an offer for him. Nope. Darcy didn’t make him an offer, even though his brother Andrew is a Sabres prospect. Whatevs, Darcy. Call me when you lock in Crunchy for life.
Sorry if I didn’t mention any of your favorite offseason moments!