The Fanatical Fan

Dear Ryan Miller’s Ankle,

Screw you.

With Love,

Frostee

Dear Buffalo Sabres,

As you know, tomorrow is my birthday (checks should be made out to Frostee, gift cards should be to either Forever 21 or the iTunes Store, and cold hard cash is always appreciated).  It also happens to be the night you play the Anaheim Ducks.  I am trying to take a positive attitude about this whole thing, but I’ll be honest.  It’s not easy.

First there’s the matter of this whole Miller-having-a-high-ankle-sprain thing.  Being raised by hockey fans, there were two things I have been taught my entire life.  The first is that the Philadelphia Flyers are bad and should be openly loathed (hey, my dad grew up going to Rangers and Islanders games).  The second is that high ankle sprains are probably one of the worst injuries hockey players could get.  Groin injuries are also pretty bad.  See, Miller is most likely out until the end of the season unless the hockey gods do us a solid and throw a miracle our way.  Patrick Lalime is now your starting goaltender and you called up Jhonas Enroth today.  I’ve given this a lot of thought, and there are two possible outcomes from this scenario:

1)  You, the Buffalo Sabres, band together in an incredible show of team unity and play in front of Patty as you have never played before, guiding yourselves into the playoffs.

2)  You completely implode and get an early summer for the second year in a row.

I’m trying to be optimistic about all this, Sabres, I really am.  It’s just that the way you depend on Ryan Miller to always save your collective asses and the way you suck in front of Lala has me worried.  Who knows.  Maybe we dedicated fans will be rewarded with Outcome #1.  Maybe we won’t.

Then there’s the matter of your birthday greetings policy.  As you know, people put birthday wishes up on the jumbotron at games.  Yesterday when we were all preparing lunch, my dad came downstairs and told me that he’s really sorry, but HSBC has a policy that you have to call at least three days in advance to get a birthday greeting.  As he called only two days in advance, there would be no special surprise for me.  I actually can not tell you how devastated I was to hear this.

So, Sabres, I really need you to win this game tomorrow.  I haven’t been to a good game since November 1.  I may have had fun at the one at the end of December, but that’s because I liked the other team enough to overlook the fact that you apparently sucked balls.  The one in the middle of December was pretty bad too.  Then there’s also the matter of the critical two points you could pick up.  And, of course, a win on my birthday would be simply marvelous.

With Love,

Frostee

• Tom Renney got fired.  It was only a matter of time.
• The Alex Ovechkin/Sidney Crosby bitch fight made ESPN this morning.  Personally, I thought the wave was amusing.  And personally, I’m going to side with Alex and Bruce and the rest of the Washington Capitals.  Sid kind of needed to shut his mouth yesterday.  Personally, I prefer Alex’s playing style to Sidney’s because I love me a man who can score goals AND throw hits.  A friend of mine is a Penguins/Crosby fan and even she admitted to me today that he’s kind of a wuss. Personally, I think it’s really funny how none of the Penguins want to stick up for Crosby.  Personally, I’m just glad the Caps won.
• I told my mother that if she went with me to the game tomorrow night we would have to go down during the pre-game skate and shout inappropriate things at Ryan Getzlaf, but since it’s looking like Papa Frostee will be going with me instead, we’ll just heckle Chris Simpson.
• I won’t go into details, because the details are hilarious but time-consuming, but there’s this one kid who’s been in several of my classes for the past few years.  He’s a total creeper in addition to being incredibly rude.  He does this weird thing where he’ll get a crush on a girl and just follow her around for several days.  He back-talks to teachers on a regular basis.  He doesn’t like me or any of my friends, and just to prove how nice he is he told us that he would kill us in our sleep.  This charming young man also happens to be a Red Wings fan, an insufferable one at that.  He thoroughly enjoys trash-talking the Sabres, and when the Wings won the Cup last season we knew he’d be awful to be around.  The next day he wore his signed Pavel Datsyuk jersey (I was so jealous) to school, and I informed him that while Candy Corn Head is a great player, I still prefer Mr. Henrik Zetterberg.  The kid started screaming at me about how Henrik is probably the most overrated player in the league and he’s not any good and Pavel is easily the best player on the team and the best in the NHL.  It was really funny.  Now, last week I started getting Facebook Mobile texts informing me that he was trying to add me as a friend on Facebook.  Since I, well, don’t like him, I rejected him.  Four times.  I finally just gave up and added him.  Today he commented on a picture I have.  Not only does this prove he was Facebook stalking me, but it also confuses me slightly.  See, he commented on the picture of me with Mini Alex that I took last year during the playoffs.  His comment read, “seriously ovechkin?  jk jk jk he’s clearly the best russian player in the league.”  Hmm.  This is the same kid that informed me in no uncertain terms that Pavel Datsyuk is the best player in the world.  I kind of want to shake him and shout, “But what about PAVEL?!??!  You told me PAVEL! was the BEST PLAYER in the WORLD!”
• Speaking of Alex, I’m choosing to ignore that picture of him over at Puck Daddy.
• Alexander Semin is following me on Twitter.  This is kind of awesome.
• TV is back skating with the team.  Woo!  
• COMPLETELY unrelated to hockey, but what do you think the chances are of my teacher figuring out I made up 100% of what I wrote about the North Korean economy?  There was nothing on the websites she told us to use.  I bullshit on projects regularly, but this is just plan making stuff up.  Thank goodness we only have give the website.