I think hockey has disappeared. Nothing is happening in the hockey world. It has come to a standstill. Mats Sundin hasn’t made a decision yet, but since I dislike him almost as much as Brett Favre, I really don’t care. He’s not going to keep Toronto from sucking. I decided that today I could either sit here laughing about how much of a joke the Senators are going to be this year, or rant about Breaking Dawn. Since there is only so much one can say about the mess that is Ottawa’s hockey team, I’ll rant. (Beware of spoilers if you haven’t finished the first three books yet)
Today in USA Today it said that the book will have a wedding scene early on between Edward and Bella. It said wedding scene, and I am wondering if that means that they might not actually get married. Could it mean they walk down the aisle, and then my theory comes true? Could Jacob return from the wild, where he had been running in werewolf form to escape his heartbreak, and object and run off with Bella? (Of course, I also theorized that Bella, who was only marrying Edward to get him to have sex with her before she became a vampire, and would then lose her virginity to Jacob, but one can only dream) Jacob and Bella need to be together. When I finished rereading Eclipse over spring break, I was actually crying tears of frustration because I knew that if Bella didn’t marry Edward, she would be killed by the Volturri (evil vampire rulers), but she needed to be with Jacob. This bugs me like you wouldn’t believe. With Jacob, Bella could be human! She wouldn’t have to leave all her mortal friends, and her family, behind! I hate you, Edward Cullen. I hate you even more than I hate hockey whores, and that is a deep, passionate hate.
Of course, this is the part where I have to flee for my life as an army of pissed off Edward fan girls chase me with torches and pitchforks. But seriously, ladies? He’s not all that. Sure, he’s romantic and hot and mysterious, but he’s also insanely selfish, and not a little obnoxious. I get that he has a weird, borderline unhealthy love for Bella, but still. Killing himself if she had died would be so selfish. He has a vampire family that loves him! And think of what he’s doing to Bella. When he’s not around, she freaks out. She can’t handle being away from him. He has cast a spell over her. Lots of evil vampires have wanted her dead, because of her association with Edward and the rest of the Cullens.
Then there’s Jacob. He’s cocky and sweet and he loves Bella. Bella even loves him back! He’s a werewolf, but you don’t have to be immortal to be with him. It’s not even like once Edward bites Bella she could be friends with Jacob. Werewolves and vampires are sworn enemies. She couldn’t ever see Jacob again, and that bugs me.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I like the underdog, or maybe I’m just a rara avis (I may or may not have spelled that wrong. My Latin final was almost two months ago, people). Whatever the case may be, Jacob and Bella deserve to be together, and should be together, but all because of stupid Edward Cullen, they can’t. And now, because it is the last book, I realized that someone’s going to have to die, and who better to kill off than Jacob? If you think about it, it would make perfect sense. Hell, Edward could even be the one to do it! So now, Edward and Bella will be married, Bella will become a vampire, and Jacob will be pushing daisies. I do not like this. I do not like this one bit.
Before I start today’s post, I would just like to say how surprised I am that I’m even sitting here writing it. Usually my parents are very family oriented and anti-internet when we are on vacation. This is a nice change.
Now, on to what I really have to say. ESPN released their Summer Power Rankings, and I have several issues with them. First and foremost, the Sabres are in ninth place. Now, I know the playoff teams from last year haven’t really gotten any worse (other than Ottawa and possibly Boston), and other teams like Tampa Bay looks like they might be in the hunt, but still. I am not liking that the Sabres are not expected to have a postseason at this point. I don’t even care that it’s still July.
I did like that the Capitals were expected to make it back in, but that’s what confuses me. They were ranked at fifth in the Eastern Conference, with Pittsburgh, Montreal, Philadelphia, and the Rangers above them. There are no teams from the Southeast Division above them. Aren’t the three division-winning teams supposed to be given the top three seeds in the conference? That’s how the Capitals even got into the playoffs last year! This is making me think that I shouldn’t even be worried that the Sabres were ranked in ninth place, because it doesn’t look like ESPN knows how to do the rankings.
I may be wrong about this, but it is unlikely. I know how the rankings work pretty well after spending 45 minutes last year on the phone with my grandfather explaining why Carolina was above almost everyone else, even though they had fewer points.
It’s insanely hot, and very sunny, but it’s thundering like crazy. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s still thundering at 6, because I really don’t want to go sit in a golf cart while my parents and brother do the family golf.
I put together an FAQ page to celebrate being done (finally!!) with Part One of Things Fall Apart. I’m starting to see a relationship in the main characters of the books I have to read for Honors English. They’re all total asshats.
I’ve been thinking about it, and I decided the Sabres should definitely come to Kiawah. It would be perfect for them all. Crunchy could golf, Royzie could shop, Hecht could bike, and Goose could talk about saving the environment, because Kiawah is very eco-friendly. I can totally see them sitting around the breakfast table, deciding what to do for the day.
Crunchy: I’m going to go golfing today. It doesn’t look like it’s going to rain.
Royzie: Petey, will you take me shopping in Charleston today? Please?
Petey: Okay. I guess we can go shopping again.
Pommer: I wanna go to the beach!!
Crunchy: All right, Jason, but you need to see if someone can go with you. I don’t want you swimming by yourself.
Pommer: Come on, Millsie! I’ll be fine! I’m a big boy!
Crunchy: Yes, you’re a very big boy, but it can be dangerous out in the ocean. Maybe if you ask Jochen nicely he’ll take you.
Hecht: Okay. My tire has a leak anyway.
Crunchy: See, Jason? Just don’t forget your sunscreen! Look what happened to Frostee.
Pommer: (whining) I don’t wanna wear sunscreen!
I think they would have a blast.
I find it adorable that I know so much about this guy (but I’m not a stalker or anything) that the most random things remind me of him. Like the other afternoon, when my mom was adding vodka to her iced tea, I just grinned to myself and thought of how it’s Ovie’s favorite alcoholic beverage. Or whenever I see someone chatting on an iPhone, it’s, “Oh look, and iPhone. Alex has an iPhone. He texts people on it.” If I’m flipping through a magazine and I see that someone was wearing Dolce and Gabbana, I laugh because Ovie is like obsessed with that designer.
The most random things remind me of him, which is always nice for a laugh throughout my day.
Hey y’all! Internet access is hard to come by in Kiawah, and tonight I had no choice but to bike over to the East Beach Market for my computer fix. I don’t have much time, and therefore won’t be able to give the comments the full attention they deserve, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t read them. (Twihard, watch yourself. Ovie is a Communist if I want Ovie to be a Communist) I had a super special surprise planned for you dear readers, but but being the efficient packer I am I forgot my USB cord (as well as my Piggly Wiggly shirt. I am such a failure when it comes to worshipping the Pig) and am unable to upload the pic from my camera. As soon as I return home I will show it to you, because it is proof that someone in the Carolinas actually does care about hockey. Until then, a few more random thoughts:
My dad claims a kid walked by when we were in Freshfields, the loca village, wearing a Penguins shirt. I am rather disappointed that I was looking at pottery with my mother, because otherwise I would have shouted, “Let’s go Buffalo!!” at the top of my lungs. Rats.
My chest and face and shoulders are killing me. Sunburns suck ass, dude.
The totally hot guy on the beach I was flirting with turned out to be gay. You have no idea how disappointing this was for me.
“I Kissed A Girl” has been stuck in my head for officially 23 hours.
I should definitely write an FAQ page when I get home. There are burning questions that need to be answered.
I did not see a Ryan Miller clone at the Jasmine Porch the other night. When we were here in February, I saw Crunchy’s clone, and for the rest of the night we made jokes that the reason the Sabres were sucking against the Penguins back in Buffalo was because Crunchy was enjoying some good Southern cooking.
Warm fuzzies to all the Brett Favre haters. Seriously, this guy is driving me crazy. He needs to go away.
That’s about all for now. It’s getting dark and I have to bike home through the woods. It may take a while for me to get another post up here, either because I didn’t have time to go to one of the wi-fi areas on the island or because I was killed on the way home tonight. *sigh* the things I do for you readers…
Hello, Dear Readers! You have no idea what a pleasant surprise it is to be able to post here. Obviously, the condo across the lagoon has turned up their wi-fi. I have only a few minutes, as the laptop battery is approaching zero and my evil father has hidden the charger, claiming I don’t need it if I just want to check my emails on vacation, so I have a few notes from our 14 hour car ride down (we made great time) and our first day on the island.
- If you are stopping at Tamarack in West Virginia and you see Omar working at the Starbucks, do not stop. Aside from knowing zero English, Omar also has short term memory loss and will only make half of your order before moving on.
- The following exchange took place in between Charleston and Kiawah Friday night, after about 13 and a half hours in the car, starring Miguel (my pet name for my brother) and my dad:
Miguel: My butt hurts.
Dad: Does your face hurt?
Dad: That’s ’cause your face is your butt.
After 14 hours in a car with the same people we find these things funny.
- I have been in the Carolinas for two days and I have decided that the Sabres should have won the ’06 ECF. I don’t care how many injuries they had. The Sabres should have won because no one in the Carolinas gives a shit about hockey. I have not seen one single ‘Canes logo, and therefore I have been unable to say in a loud, obnoxious way, “Carolina Hurricanes? Psh. Try Caroline Showers.”
- listening to emo music late at night + thinking about the upcoming release of Breaking Dawn + panicking about Jacob Black’s inevitable demise = planning a slit our wrists party with Gena.
- There actually are dolphins down here! For three years people have been telling me about them and I’ve never seen them, but I did when I was kayaking yesterday! They were soo pretty!!
- I <3 Nice Artemis Fowl even more than I <3 Mean Artemis Fowl. Warm fuzzies to Holly for kissing him and then apologizing.
- Warm fuzzies to Darcy and Pommerdoodle for waiting to sign a contract until I return to the land of the Chicken Wing so that I can be properly excited and blog about it properly. Cold pricklies to Darcy and Pommerdoodle if he is not signed within one week of my return.
- Oh my God, vanilla bean chocolate centered bread pudding with bananas foster is way too much if you’ve already eaten about ten thousand sweet potato scones and the chef’s vegetable taster. That was last night and I am still going to be unable to wear a bathing suit on the beach.
That’s all for now, Dear Readers. I’ll try to sneak onto the computer later this week, but for now I have to go out on the dock and look for Chubbs, the resident alligator.
Hot damn, Ovie. Thank you for taking most of your clothes off.
I have some bad news, Dear Readers. I will be leaving you tomorrow, and I won’t be back for more than a week. We are trekking to South Carolina for a week in the sun, and it is doubtful I will be able to get on the internet long enough to keep you updated. I’ll try as hard as I can, but the situation is looking bleak. Take heart in the knowledge that after a week of relaxation, I’ll be back and better than ever.
And now, a command: you will stop reading this blog right this minute and go to the nearest theatre and see The Dark Knight. Holy motherfucking shit, that movie was incredible. The movie itself was insane, Christian Bale was excellent, and the ending had such a twist I was shaking when it ended. And then, on top of all that, there was Heath Ledger. Warm fuzzies to Heath Ledger for his portrayal of the Joker. I truly wish he was still alive so I could give him a huge hug. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry during each of his scenes. He was absolutely deranged, totally brilliant. Excellent movie.
Since this is a hockey blog, I suppose I have to mention some hockey news. It looks like the Sabres signed some forward, Mathieu Darche. His numbers were so-so with Tampa Bay last season, and it sounds like he might just be to fill up the roster in Portland. I sure hope so; the Sabres have a shitload of forwards as it is.
Enjoy the rain while I’m gone!!
I’m going to be quite honest with you all, Dear Readers. At this time last year, I was wondering if I would be able to kill Larry Quinn and Darcy Regier and get away with it. Hell, I was still working on a plan a month ago. Oh, how the times have changed. Instead of picturing myself ramming stakes into their hearts, I instead want to give them warm fuzzies, and let me tell you, my warm fuzzies are hard to come by.
Sure, they let our co-captains walk, were forced to sign Thomas Vanek to a ridiculous new contract, and let one of the best offensive defensemen leave. That was last summer, and last season. It’s in the past. They also signed Paul Gaustad, Dan Paille, and Derek Roy to new deals. They kept Crunchy around, and even if he sucks on the ice, you know that in the dressing room, he is the boss of you. They are in talks to keep Pommer around for a long time, and they even want Tep to come back for another year! (I didn’t even come up with Tep on my own, I swear) Things are changing in Buffalo, and it’s for the better.
I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray today, and I find myself thinking about something Lord Henry told Dorian near the end. He said that people can’t change, and they are who they are. Now, while I might have believed that a year ago, I’m not so sure now. I think Darcy has proved Lord Henry wrong, and therefore I give him and the rest of the Sabres management a warm fuzzy.
There are a lot of reasons to love Crunchy. His nickname, first of all. His weird eyebrows, his weird taste in clothes, his weird taste in music. But today, I’m going to talk about why I love him for a different reason. His faith in, and love of, Buffalo.
Everyone said he was going to bolt. I had already started to fear July 1, 2009. He was going to sign with Detroit and make lots and lots of money. And no matter how much he tried to deny this, no one ever believed him.
And then, a mere eighteen days after the Sabres were able to negotiate with Crunchy, he signs a five-year extension. He said he wanted to stay, and he backed his words with action, unlike some other whores I could mention. *coughbrierecough* Crunchy went on and on about how he loved Buffalo, he loved the direction the team was headed in, and he wanted to stay. As a dedicated Buffalo fan, it had become rather obvious to me that players did not exactly want to come play in Buffalo. A history of management completing screwing things up had kept great free agents from signing here. Then Crunchy got up and said how he loves what Buffalo is about, and what’s going on here. That means a lot coming from a guy like Crunchy Miller, and if you ask me it looks like things might be changing here in Buffalo. After all, they locked down Goose and Crunchy, resigned Paille, and they’re in negotiations to keep Pommerdoodle around longterm. Teppo Numminen was even mentioned. This is good. Really, really good.
In a nutshell, that’s why I love Ryan “Crunchy” Miller.